Oct 24, 2020
You want to change the way you drink. You have to change you drink. You absolutely MUST change the way you drink, and you have tried, you really have, time and time again, and the change hasn’t ‘stuck’, hasn’t lasted and you have no idea why.
You see, feel and hear the pain your drinking is causing, not just you, but your loves too, and you know, that life can only be better by making this ‘simple’ change, and yet you always seem to ‘fail’. And then you see, feel and hear that failure too!
There are NO mysteries around why you drink, and NO mysteries around how to change your drinking for life! None.
It is simple, you drink to make yourself feel better, always! You never drink in a way you don’t like, that causes you pain, because your are at peace with yourself, rested, nourished, connected health or happy.
You ONLY drink in a way you don’t like because, on a level that you don’t really understand, you feel that a drink will help you relax, bring you calm, peace, time out – feelings that are lacking in the moment. And it is the conflict, the war within you between what you feel alcohol brings you, and what you know the results of your drinking will be, that is the ONLY reason you choose to stay trapped.
Your drinking is simply the action you take in your (failed) attempt to resolve your inner conflict, fueled by your lack of whatever it is you are truly in need of.
Your action is drink, for other’s it might be food, gambling, shopping – any compulsive action you cannot seem to stop doing. Actions you have learnt to believe (to feel), bring you whatever it is that is missing – even if it is just the mind chatter (roar), that exhausts you. Do you recognize that?
If you do, excellent, you have taken the first step to shrinking alcohol down from an all consuming mind monster, to what it really is, a take-it-or-leave-it, no emotional (feeling) need that can be enjoyed as an occasional treat.
Now, to support you on your journey of simple steps that take you back to the place of inner peace and balance that comes from releasing your fears, confusion and cravings for alcohol, I have created the unique RAPID ALCOHOL RECOVERY METHOD GROUP PROGRAM.
I truly understand how change can feel daunting and isolating, even when it is a journey that takes you to peace and joy, as many of you don’t like to travel alone, and this is just one of the powerful benefits of small group programs. You are never alone!
You have my expertise, my energy, my commitment to supporting you, and you also have a community of women on the same journey, at the same time, with the same desire to change their drinking, effortlessly.
In this small group program, you will not only receive support, learning’s, insights and answers to your journey’s questions and concerns, and how to deal with your life situations, you get the benefit of the support, learning’s and insights from your community members, the benefit of how they deal with their life situations, which you can adapt to yours too. That is beyond powerful!
This unique program will transform everything you think and feel about alcohol, and the role you have created (innocently) for it in your life, leaving you free to breathe again, to live, to be the magical person you were born to be, without any thoughts of needing willpower, control, motivation or even positive thinking – all of these take energy, and when have the balanced energy I am talking about, you don’t need them anyway!
How The RAPID ALCOHOL RECOVERY METHOD GROUP PROGRAM works
Over a 6 week period, you will receive the complete Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method coaching process experience, usually only available to 1-2-1 clients, in a an exclusive, members only, small group container, which consists of;
**** Life time access to a private members only portal through which you receive a weekly coaching videos and worksheets, based on my life changing Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method coaching process, so that you get new awareness and practical support to power you forward to freedom.
**** Weekly 1 hour Live Coaching Sessions in an exclusive, members only Facebook Group, where you have the opportunity to be coached live by me, and for me to answer any questions you have either on the topic, or concerns that have arisen during the week, so that you get the full understanding and shifts you need to be free without doubt or fear.
**** Life time access to an exclusive, members only private Facebook Group, which I am in daily, where you can share you wins, express your fears, and receive feedback and insights from your community members, so that you feel completely supported throughout your journey.
**** Regularly updated Bite Size Videos within the private portal on any topic that either you request, or I feel will offer you even greater support, again, to power you forward to peace around alcohol in your life.
Changing the perception of alcohol in your life is my passion and I am committed to bringing into your awareness and life an easier way of changing your drinking for life,
Here’s what one of my most recent client Testimonials.
“My bottle of wine (plus) a night drinking changed from week ONE and I have never looked back! x You will never know what a gift you have been in my life & the investment as been worht it 10000+ times over for me and my family!
I now bring that gift to you, in the small group RAPID ALCOHOL RECOVERY METHOD GROUP program ❤
The investment for this completely unique and life changing program is only £800 – you simply have to choose the life you want, surviving your one short life, stuck in your struggle & stress around alcohol, or thriving in that same life, free to be who you truly are.
If you want to chat, reach out to me, just click HERE . I am waiting to support you,
Love & respect
Sonia x
Jan 5, 2020
As you move through January, and ‘normal’ life settles back in, how is your ‘New Year, New You’ mantra sounding to you?
And how are you feeling?
Regardless of whether it is food or alcohol you struggle with, or whether you are cutting down or completely out, you are probably already reaping the physical and emotional benefits.
Maybe you are feeling more energized, sleeping better, less bloated, skin looking better – the list is endless.
- But you are feeling more at peace?
- Does it feel like you need to be in a state of control or rely on strength?
- That you are avoiding, just for now?
- Or are you replacing one with another, or a third, such as exercise?
- Are you eating more in the absence of alcohol?
- Or maybe drinking more in the absence of sweet stuffs?
You know at the very core of you that you want to make changes, and not just for January.
You know that you want to feel better, look better, act better.
That you want to be the mother/partner/hell, even the dog owner you and your loves deserve, and you know that a huge leap towards that would be cutting down/out the crap that is literally poisoning your body and life, and yet, and yet, you feel you start to miss it.
What on earth is going on?
All that has happened is that your thoughts have started to slip back on their well worn track of focusing on ‘not doing‘, which creates the feelings of anxiety and deprivation around what you perceive you will miss from food & alcohol.
Does that make sense?
However, if you weren’t buying into your old food and alcohol thinking, you wouldn’t be creating any feelings.
Everything you do is through a process of Think, Feel, Re-Act – re-acting being the drowning of yourself in food / alcohol.
And you have learnt to believe your thinking is your Reality. Your Truth.
But, and this is key,
It is only Your Reality, Your Truth, if you buy into it. If YOU Believe it.
And you don’t have to believe it! You really don’t.
Recovery Coaching Tip
To keep you safe, here’s one of my top tips to support you when your old stinking food & alcohol thinking comes up.
The first thing is to become aware of your thoughts.
To notice them, and when they arrive – maybe you are tired, low, lonely, anxious about work/relationships, only you know. Notice, and don’t buy into them.
By not buying into your thinking, by not accepting your temporary thoughts as your truth, your thoughts have no power.
Yes, the thoughts are still there, but without the fertilizer of your energy of arguing with them, pleading with them, trying to avoid them, they can’t grow like out of control weeds, strangling your mind, your heart, your actions.
Then all you have to do is simply take Conscious Responsibility to release that thinking, by simply choosing to think another, more empowering thought, such as “Here you come again, I am tired etc, and so here it is again, this silly old stinking thinking that means nothing to me” and then Let.It.Go.
The process I give to my clients when their stinking thinking comes up is,
- Pause
- Breathe Deeply
- See your thinking for what it is, merely a thought you are used to thinking. And one that you are innocently choosing to buy into again.
You can even change the ‘voice’ of your thoughts to someone you would laugh at if they gave you advice, someone you would be crazy to consider listening to.
An idiot from your past – we all have them, or maybe a politician you know is talking crap in the now, we all know them.
Just by changing the voice you will notice the feelings of deprivation and anxiety die away, which they always will, and all because you have shifted your thinking.
Freedom from your food & alcohol pain is not hard – you have learnt to BELIEVE IT IS.
You simply need a new way of Thinking, which creates new Feelings which gift you the opportunity for new Re-Actions. That’s It! Done, dusted, free.
My clients enjoy huge success, through my uniquely simple Recovery Coaching process.
I have supported many amazing men and women to find peaceful freedom.
A number of my clients have spent at least one term in Rehab and struggled in the ‘real’ world.
Other clients have come feeling that they felt they were close to losing everything and some who just didn’t want to drink / eat, on a daily basis, in a way they don’t like.
All of them, when they trust the process (me) and work the simple tools (you), have found the balance they desired and deserve. It will be the same for you too.
My unique process was created from the awareness, understanding and simple strategies that released me from my 28 years of alcoholism and secret binge eating, along with my learned skills as a Master Practitioner of NLP and Master Coach.
Now, in just 6 weeks, every aspect of my clients lives change, as yours will too.
You too will have the peace, calm, awareness and all that spills into every area of your life.
It doesn’t matter where you are now, or how long you have been struggling, release is within you all the time. The Sober, Slim person you long to be is who you are. x
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If 2020 is the time for you to make the changes you deserve for you and your family, Contact me today.
Nothing will change until you understand the truth of what the hell is going on in your inner world, and how to release that ‘going on’ without stress, struggle, willpower or control.
Love & respect
Sonia
Oct 31, 2018
To make lifelong change to any Unhappy Habit (to change the way you drink/eat/shop and all the rest), you need to accept where you are now.
Accept that you are lost and confused about what you do, without judgement or criticism. It simply is what it is, nothing more, nothing less, and you want/need/must change it.
You don’t even need to now the ‘how’ of the path you took to get there, that is truly not relevant.
Its ‘how’ you maintain the Unhappy Habits NOW that matters, the rest is just a journey into your ’emotional past’ that has often long since gone, which can be both painful and pointless, when it comes to moving forward, other than it holds valuable information that you can use if you choose to.
So let’s start with taking a little look at at the structure of our Unhappy Habits, of what they would look like if we could actually see them. And for this purpose, the analogy of an iceberg is perfect, as it represents both your physical acts and the emotional intentions that drive them.
Above the water is the smallest part of your iceberg, and make no mistake, that smallest part can be pretty damn big. Its icy tip symbolizes your behaviour and its visible consequences.
It’s what you see reflected back at you in the mirror.
It’s the weight you hate, the signs of your alcohol consumption, the dehydration and anxiety in your dull eyed stare.
It’s in the stress you see so clearly etched on you own face when you have drunk, yet again, in a way you promised yourself you wouldn’t. When you have eaten an amount, you promised yourself you wouldn’t. When you have spent money you don’t have on stuff you don’t need….
As well as the looks of hurt, confusion, and lack of trust that you see in the faces of your children and your loved ones, when you have done again, what you promised them you wouldn’t, as well as the lies, desperation and hopelessness that are the ever present companions of what you DO.
That cold white ice is the what you ‘do’ of your habit – what you put into your mouth, what you spend, and seemingly, very sensibly, when you try to make changes, that’s where we start. I mean, if something you are doing isn’t working, just do something else, right……….
So, you circle our visible iceberg warily, thinking through your options, taking into account what has and hasn’t worked before, maybe there is a new diet plan, a new quit drinking, inspirational, motivational, prayer book even, that might just work this time.
And with your new information, you attack your icy peak with our unprotected hands in an attempt to mold it in to the new, improved ice sculpture version of yourself, which sadly you have learnt to feel we can never really be….. because my God, you have tried before and always ‘failed’ to maintain your new ice shape.
The ice shape that is the slim you, the sober you, the one that just isn’t who you are right now.
And why do you feel you can never be this new version of you?
That’s easy. You have been practising your ice sculpting skills for years and they always ‘fail’ you.
At best you have been able to create a temporary ‘new’ you, but then LIFE and the ice starts to shift and re-arrange itself as you try desperately to shape it back into place, until with bloodied, defeated hands you give up and accept your drunk/fat/broke destiny, without even acknowledging how brave you were to try again.
And I want you to know and accept this now…..the very fact that you keep trying means that you are the bravest of the brave.
Ok, so deep down, long lasting empowering, relief and release giving change does not come from working on your icy peak….. Agreed?
So, logically, the only other part of your iceberg to look at is the huge, submerged and brutally ragged, confused mass that lies beneath the water, you inner world, that supports your visible peak.
Dark and seemingly unknowable, this is the foundation of your iceberg, and it is formed by what you have learnt to believe is the only truth about both yourself, and your habit.
What your habit brings to you. How you will without it, who you will BE without it, what you will lose, how you will cope, and added to that is your experience around your habit in the good times – and there were good times, because if you hadn’t experience the good, before you lost control, you wouldn’t believe in its ‘power’ to make you feel better.
And together, all of the above has solidified, been frozen into what you accept as your reality.
Do you recognise yourself here?
Do you recognise the feelings that come up when you try to approach change, even just in your thinking? Before you take any action?
Do you recognise the discomfort, fear, anxiety that always shows up first in the pit of your stomach simply at the thought of making changes?
Those feeling are the only evidence you need to know that you have a belief about what you do….it is the seemingly freezing cold, menacing, submerged part of your iceberg that you believe will rip at you apart both physically and emotionally, if you get to close to it, and so you flinch from even approaching it, dwarfed and cowed as you are by its unseen but definitely felt, size and power.
Many brave souls who have understood this truth still take up the battle, donning protective clothing and attacking the submerged iceberg with all the weapons in their personal arsenal. They launch missiles of self-hate, recrimination and abuse at its silent mass, they meditate, join support groups, read endlessly on their poison of choice, and hope that one of these explosives will detonate on impact, smashing a tunnel to freedom. And still, no, that doesn’t work either.
So, what does?
To melt any iceberg you simply have to raise the temperature of the surrounding water.
And in the case of your Unhappy Habit, I mean the temperature of YOU.
To choose to bring out your sunshine of compassion, forgiveness and love of YOU to YOU, and let it shine down brightly, warming the air and and in doing so, allowing in the light to the Self-Awareness that is key to any transformation.
Self-Awareness can only be found in an expanded state of you. In your state of harsh Self-Judgement, Self-Criticism & Self-Despair, you shrink yourself down into a tight knot of fear and pain, and no new awareness’s can come in.
You rehash old information, that constricts and confuses you further. You tighten the straight jacket of your mind and completely close down any opportunity to the intuitive learning’s from your heart, that give you comfort, trust and faith in you, and allow you to look at what you DO, when and why differently.
Every new Self-Awareness brings questioning to the boundaries of what you believe and your experience.
It allows for the possibility of a different view of the reality you had previously created, and a different view, is an expanded view, which allows for different strategies and different behaviours, easily.
And as your self-awareness grows, you learn to have confidence in yourself, to pause and breathe before you ACT your Unhappy Habit, to recognise the patterns you run BEFORE you act, and to create new ones that truly do offer the comfort and support you are looking for. That is your always and forever TRUTH.
And in doing so, your icebergs naturally melt BECAUSE you expand your understanding of both yourself and your Unhappy Habit.
As you grow, any confusing thoughts and beliefs, frozen for so long, take on a softer, gentler shape, allowing us the flexibility to gently challenge what you DO, what you believe it gives you as well as finally feeling and accepting what it takes from you without your inner battle, all of which gives you the magical, joyful opportunity to act and be who you were born to be, who you are meant to be, habit free, happy, healthy and HEALED.
And the gift of letting your iceberg completely dissolve, it that you are left with an untroubled expanse of water, peaceful and calm, with no need for us to do anything, just to ‘be’.
I hope this message gives you comfort and insight and hope. I hope it resonated with you – it is my truth, and it is yours too. And I hope that it takes you to looking at yourself and what you DO differently.
The ‘different looking’ is the start of your incredible journey back to YOU.
If you need help in understanding & changing any Unhappy Habit, please contact me HERE today.
My LIFE Recovery Coaching comes from a place of deep understanding and compassion of a former addict, a lost woman and Mother, who now lives in acceptance of who I am, who loves who I am, and who is daily HEALING.
Be kind and gentle with yourself.
Sonia x
PS. if you would like to know more about my personal journey, from Pain to Peace, and from Hurt to Healed, 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me, described by Ranvir Singh, of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful and devastating” (click on the link HERE). I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable and it was where I started my journey back to LOVE
Jun 23, 2018
It’s 6 am and I am up and out in the garden with my Gorby Girl and a huge cup of green tea. I would like to tell you I am in my daily sober zen zone, that I have stretched and meditated, and am calm and focused on the day ahead. Except I am not. My puppy is running around barking at frogs, I have just spilt tea on my leg (it really hurts) and I am emotionally gearing myself up for a visit from one of my gorgeous brother’s who drinks like a fish. Happy Saturday!
Now as a formerly (drunk) mother, you may think that I shall be employing some form of majestic, iron clad willpower to resist the tidal wave of booze that is coming my way this afternoon. That I must be putting my emotionally protective soldiers in place, bayonets ready, to ward off any temptation. Maybe planning out my strategies and the conversations I might need to employ to stay in my sober zone. None of those are true.
I have willpower, an abundance of the stuff in fact, but I never utilize it to not drink. I don’t need to.
We only need willpower to resist doing what we desire, the things we do want to do, not the things we truly don’t. And because of our desire, it is the hardest, least successful method of long term change.
Last week was tough for me on a number of levels. I won’t bore you with details, but it ground me down and certain events caused me a great deal of emotional upset. For me, drink is off the table. It’s just not an option. There is no desire. Been there, done that, nearly killed myself, so no thanks. Cheesecake however holds center place. I think for the last 5 days out of 7, I have bought cheesecake to comfort myself. And on some levels it has.
We wouldn’t eat the crap, drink the booze if there was no sense of comfort gained, temporary though it only ever is.
However last night I went shopping and didn’t buy the cheesecake. I saw it, still wanted it and an inner tussle ensued. This time though I employed my PAUSE and in that pause, before my willpower was called into action, I re-thought the ‘why’ of my ‘need’ for cheesecake I understood and acknowledged the ’emptiness’ I was trying to fill, and let the thoughts of cheesecake drift away. Great stuff. I left the shop contented, in peace and went home happy.
However, had I actually allowed myself to enter into the internal dialogue, the fight of should I/shouldn’t I, the self-justifications versus the recriminations, I might have been able to walk away with my willpower coming out on top (doubt it though). But how would I have felt? Triumphant, yes (over ignoring a cheesecake……..!), but also exhausted, probably on some inner level upset that I was missing out and definitely fearing the next time I would have to employ my weary willpower.
But by recognizing my thinking of what I expected from this over sweet, processed sugar fest, by asking myself what I actually needed emotionally, by acknowledging how I was feeling and giving myself an emotional cuddle – I have even got into the habit of putting my arms round myself wherever I am and whenever I need it – I was able to let go of my desire, my ‘cheesecake want’ and move on without even asking my willpower to join my unhappy inner party.
At the risk of repeating myself, which I will because this point is so important, we only need to use willpower against something we desire.
Understand and acknowledge the emotional ‘why’ of your wants and desire is lessened, making choice much easier because you no longer feel you are missing out on anything. And when you truly feel you are not missing out, desire simply drifts away and willpower becomes redundant
Initially, in tougher time, at least to start with, desire may well come back, maybe in a different form, but the same strategy of understanding and acknowledging does work and you will build your truly comforting resilience muscle. So much more effective than any willpower.
So, this afternoon I will have my lovely, kind, funny and no doubt very drunk brother to stay. He will come back from the pub with my son – God help my precious boy – where he will, no doubt, have honoured our Irish heritage with a few ill thought out ditties before stumbling back here with vodka.
I will be sitting serene(ish) in my garden with my tonic water, struggling to understand his anecdotes. My willpower though unemployed in that moment, will be fiercely called upon tomorrow morning, as I am already weary with the knowledge that I will have to get out of bed and walk Gorby at 6am on a Sunday morning after only 4 hours sleep.
Love & respect
If you would like to know more about my journey to sobriety, check out my memoir, This Isn’t Me.
To understand how I help clients, take a look at my Working with Me page, and Practical Techniques for Recovery page.
Or join the Breakthrough Community Newsletter for regular updates and support
May 15, 2018
Before we set off on our journey to Sobriety, we must program the sat nav of us. We need to enter not only our desired destination, but our start point as well. So, where is our current location? In my experience, for those of us who have decided to undertake the (seemingly) arduous road to Sobriety, we have somehow and inexplicably found ourselves stranded in a place called What-The-Fork (you get my meaning), which, to save time, I will abbreviate to WTF.
I wafted in to WTF in a mist of wine and vodka, young and happy(ish), at least on the outside. Glass in hand, WTF felt fun, relaxing, benign and welcoming. Relieving me of stress and uncomfortable emotions, it just kept those good times rolling. And they did roll, for a long time, until they didn’t. And for so much longer.
The change in life in WTF was insidiously slow and, to start with, almost imperceptible. I do remember feeling less of me, less shiny, less happy, less peaceful, but life is like that isn’t it? And at least in WTF I had a way of making myself feel more of the things I had started to feel less of.
It was easy. My pick-me-up of choice, booze, was everywhere, not just in bars and pubs, but in all WTF’s pretty cottages, where doors were propped wide open, invisible arms waving me in. I simply drifted into wherever was closest, downed another (and increasingly larger) glass of whatever booze was on offer, and the sun came out again. For a bit………..
But then the bars, pubs & even the cottages, started to change. These light, always sunny and welcoming establishments started, ever so slightly, to dim. Faint dust motes of despair began their gentle downward spiral, landing, not only on shiny surfaces, but also on me. To start with I would attempt to wipe the dust away with my fingers, smearing as I did the view I had of the preson I was, my ability to cope with life, my self-esteem. And over time, that dust of despair fell thicker and faster, dulling happiness and joy, choking out conversation and reasoning. For so many years I remained covered in volcanic proportions of that damn suffocating stuff, blinded by its unrelenting grey storm.
As the changes in WTF became more obvious, I started to wonder what on earth was going on. I made a decision, “Ok, enough of this shit, I’m off”. Then, in the very moment I decided to pack up and leave, the façade of WTF crumbled completely, its grim reality finally exposed.
It’s warm, sometimes fuzzy, welcoming and inviting embrace, became in an instant, a vice like iron grip. Cold, unforgiving and painful to the touch, it’s true hold became so tight that I struggled even to breathe. I knew immediately that I was trapped in WTF. I had become its prisoner, and one with no hope of parole.
Now, obviously WTF isn’t real in terms of bricks and mortar. You can’t take a train there and it’s not on any bus route, so how was it constructed, why was its hold over me so cripplingly powerful and where did it exist? The answers are frightening.
WTF was constructed by me, made powerful by me and existed only in my mind, in my thinking.
No transport, public or private, was necessary. I was already there.
In my next blogs, I am going to tell you how I built my WTF, the conditioning that was its foundation, the thoughts that grew its impenetrable walls. It’s the same way we all build our own WTF’s.
We cannot change anything we don’t understand. We don’t know even where to start.
If we don’t recognise how are own internal WTF was constructed, short of bombing it and ourselves into oblivion, we can’t know how to take it down.
But when we do understand, when we know how our thoughts give rise to the edifices they build, when we know how to question our thinking, when we step back from what we believe and allow other thoughts to take their place, the foundations of our WTF can turn from concrete to sand and dissolve before our very eyes.
With understanding comes clearer thinking and the possibility of new options. With options come freedom, if we choose to take that route.
So, fellow travellers, Understanding will be the first stop on our journey to recovery.
Until next week.
If you would like to keep up to date with my blogs, news & offers, click on the link for my Breakthrough Mentor Newsletter.
Love and respect x
May 8, 2018
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
