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Trauma and Healing…LIFE LESSONS

If you are struggling to release TRAUMA, this is for you…..

Last year was one of the hardest, most painful, frightening, confusing, peaceful and joyful of my LIFE.

The hard, painful and frightening emotions came from the circumstances of last year.

The confusing, peaceful and joyful ones came from the powerful LIFE LESSON of last year.

And now, as I daily heal, I want to share my journey with you, to help you release your trauma, and find your healing, quickly, peacefully, and finally.

The Begining

I grew up a frightened child in an unsafe environment.

Shy and quiet, it was a house of  shouting, smacking out of nowhere, and verbal abuse.

The baby I was, was the same as you, we all came into this world, expecting love and care.  And I was handed to, at their core, and in their essence, loving, caring parents who wanted the best for me.  But were drowning in their own past experiences, lack of money, too many children and religious dogma.

I felt the verbal abuse, I was scared of the smacks.

My mother would shout my name in a tone I remember to this day, and I would wet myself.

I didn’t see their exhaustion, their financial fears, the religious conflict, the hormonal stress of having so many children.

I simply felt the ‘snap’ that each of these stresses caused.

And so my trauma began, and my sense of self, my fears, and lack of worthiness of love, was formed.

Now you might read my works and think, ‘poor child, I was lucky, I had loving parents, my life childhood was happy and supportive’, and I hope those are your memories.

But the truth is, trauma isn’t just caused by the BIG stuff.

Trauma is caused by any event that you do not  have the resources to process.

So you can be traumatised by a running spider, a hairy eight legged creature you saw as a child racing towards you…you don’t know what it is, you don’t know what its doing, its ugly, it scares you, maybe your mother, friends or siblings scream, and you are jolted into trauma.….do you recognise that?

And without the awareness and resources to understand my childhood, to even know that I was traumatised, I didn’t heal myself, and I took them all into my adult LIFE.

 

Here’s how my TRAUMA showed up

 

😢 Addictions to drugs and alcohol.

😢 To relationships that I didn’t fit me, that reinforced my wounds

😢 To crippling depression and anxiety

😢 To people pleasing, binge eating, jealousy, anger and resentment, and probably much more that I can’t remember now.

 

And that sad truth is, I accepted who I was in my Trauma, as my real self – a self I was ashamed of, despaired on, and felt I couldn’t change.

 

Now thank God, I have the deeper understanding of myself and my past, and I know how to help myself heal.

 

How to support myself

How to process trauma, and how to simply let it go.

 

So, here is my recent trauma, and the LIFE LESSONS it has gifted me……

 

Last year I moved house after my relationship of 25 years ended because I wanted to explore who I was, and live a different LIFE.

I stayed in very close loving connection with my former partner, who loved me too much to make things hard for me when I left, and we found a new relationship of complete friendship and support.

Less than 3 months after I left, he suffered a massive stroke.

I was the first one at the hospital, and the relief in his face to know I was there,  he was safe, holding him tight, even though he couldn’t speak and was paralysed was absolute.

For 7 weeks he clung to LIFE, as his sons and I clung to him.

And then surrounded by our love, his hands held tight, his spirit left his body, as we said words and prayers of love we knew he could hear, outloud.

I was devastated.  We were devastated.

The emotional bomb that had been ticking from the day of his stroke, exploded, and we couldn’t see or speak from the heavy, blinding dust of grief that filled our eyes and mouths.

A new normal was coming.  A LIFE without him.  A LIFE we never expected, a LIFE we had no idea how to navigate…..the journey of healing began.

 

One year later, full of peace, sadness, joy, gratitude and LOVE, here are the LIFE LESSONS I offer you in support of your trauma, however old, however new, that can be adapted to whatever pain you struggle with.

 

💫 The meaning of LIFE is LOVE.  Look at LIFE through the lens of LOVE.  It is a softer, gentler lens where TRUTH reveals itself. And if you cannot LOVE who you are with, or the circumstances of your LIFE, then LOVE yourself enough to create DISTANCE.

 

💫 ACCEPTANCE is key. What happened was meant to happen (no matter what it is, it is done).  You will probably never know why, so stop looking for answers.  Start from where you are and move forwards.

 

💫 Take TIME to focus on HEALING, find the books that resonate, the podcasts that offer a perception of LIFE, that eases your pain. Talk to those who also seek healing, who are healing, who have healed.  Learn from them, take what resonates and create your own Healing path.

 

💫 Put yourself FIRST….nourish you mind, body and spirit.  Rest.  Be very kind and gentle with yourself.  Laugh, cry, talk, reach out.

 

 

💫 REFLECT on what you learn, keep it in your awareness, have gentle conversations with yourself that take you deeper into understanding…the deeper you go, greater freedom and peace you have.

 

💫 REFRAME the thoughts and feelings that cause you guilt, anger, frustration, pain.  Look at them from a different perspective.  You were doing your best (and you always are, everyone else always is).  BREATHE out the negative, BREATHE in your REFRAME.

 

💫 Practise COMPASSION instead of JUDGEMENT – this transformed my healing around my mother and I now feel complete peace and love for her and her struggle.  I know she never wanted to hurt me, I know she was doing her best, and I believe that absolutely.

 

💫 Keep your HEART OPEN – Lean into GRATITUDE for the small and the big things.  Be grateful for LIFE, for who you are, for what you have, for the wonder of having had the gift of your lost loves.  Gratitude changes everything.

 

And in the context of my TRAUMA and loss last year, this has given me the greatest peace.

 

💕I know that his final day was just his DAY.

💕You will have your DAY.  I will have my DAY, everyone will.

💕And although his DAY was too soon for us, it was still his DAY, and I am so grateful I was able to spend it with him.

💕And finally, you don’t know when your DAY will come, so remember, what you do between your TODAY and your DAY is all that matters, is all that you have, so make TODAY COUNT!

 

If you are a MidLIFE Woman who feels trapped in your past, living with stress, anxiety and frustration,  and seeking the way to a happier, brigher, future of success, purpose and joy, then I invite you to join my private community, where you will learn the simple easy answers to find the life you dream of.

 

Click on the link below

 

MidLIFE Women THRIVING

 

And always, be very kind and gentle with YOU.

Sonia x

Sonia Grimes, the MidLIFE Woman Coach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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