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CRISIS LIVING….and how to Change It…..

CRISIS LIVING….and how to Change It…..

How are you feeling?  Not how should you be feeling, (because, let’s face it, other’s have it much worse than you)……

How are YOU feeling, in YOUR life, in YOUR situations, with YOUR stresses, frustrations, feelings of being trapped, overwhelmed, unheard……

And what do you DO with those feelings?

Do you brush them aside, try to hide them, push them down, not own them, because again, so many others have it so much worse, especially in the last 2 years?

Listen to me lovely, and please take this on board…..

In YOUR life, YOU are first, YOU are the most important person to protect, care for love and support and no-one else can do it for you…..NO-ONE….partners, friends, family can enhance your wellbeing, they cannot, and should not, have any responsibility for CREATING any aspect of your physical and emotional wellbeing….your peace, your calm, your freedom to be your best you….

Your job is YOU, their job is THEM.

Recently I was diagnosed with exhaustion…..and I was embarrassed to get that diagnosis.

Embarrassed because my experience of Lockdown, even though I had a brutal brush with COVID, because of the love I have in my life, the freedom I have because of my work, my home, the food in my fridge, my car, my dogs, my loved ones……..

Everything was easier for me than it was for far too many people…I had no worries, no concerns……and then a couple of life events happened, and out of respect for my loved ones I won’t tell stories that aren’t mine to tell, but I seemed to implode….not in the months I was needed to be my best, but when I was no longer in crisis living, and could breathe again.

That’s when I started to crash….to go down in my physical and emotional wellbeing, and even with everything I know as a Master Coach, with every tool I have I know completely works, with every daily prayer of gratitude I said, I would not acknowledge that I was allowed to feel the way I did. 

And yet I was exhausted.  My stutter came back, and all I wanted to do was cry and sleep…….and instead, I tried to pull myself together, remind myself of how lucky I am and soldier on……until I couldn’t, and then I stopped, and in that stopping, I gave myself permission to be how I was feeling and in doing that, to heal

To rest, to recover, to eat well, be outside, to connect with nature, to talk to my friends and family when I needed to, and to not talk when I didn’t need to.  To lie on the sofa with my Girls (dogs) at the end of the day with a cup of tea, to not let anyone in that I didn’t have the energy for, and to protect my energy with self-loving BOUNDARIES of SELF-CARE

And I got better, and I have taken so much from that experience that I am so grateful for.  It has been a huge growth curve of greater awareness of myself, and my needs, and I feel better now than I have in the last 2 years, easily.

And now I want to share those loving learning’s with you, so here’s what I know so far…..🧡

YOU have to set BOUNDARIES around you….

Not the usual harsh ‘Don’t drink/eat/shop’ BOUNDARIES that offer no comfort or support, but gently firm, self-protecting ones of ‘When I need rest, I rest’, ‘I say NO with love and grace when I don’t want/can’t do something’

Some of your BOUNDARIES are that you set aside time to eat, to be outside, to connect with loved ones. 

If you don’t set your BOUNDARIES, others will set them for you, and they will be BOUNDARIES that work for them, not you…..even your loved ones will do this, innocently.

And if you aren’t used to setting BOUNDARIES, and anything new can seem daunting, start with a small one, something you KNOW you need to do….maybe its 10 minutes in the morning, where the family don’t disturb you, so that you can sit with a cup of tea and just give gratitude…..and if it means you get up 10 minutes earlier, that’s part of the BOUNDARY for you!

YOU have to practice consistent SELF-CARE, inconsistent SELF-CARE is like a spa day you take when you are exhausted.

The SELF-CARE I am talking about keeps you from getting to that point of exhaustion and all the overwhelm and frustration that you collect on the route there!

True SELF-CARE are the daily practices that keep you balanced and aligned.  I read every morning, I dance for 10 minutes every morning, I pray and give gratitude every morning….These are just some of my non-negotiable SELF-CARE practices that take so little time and gift me back peace, balance, ME.

What SELF-CARE practices work for you?

YOU have to SPEAK…..

You have to learn to use your VOICE, to ask for help, to say that you need to be celebrated for what you do, to be acknowledged for who you are…..asking to be celebrated and acknowledged is just as important as speaking when you are in need. 

When you stay silent, nothing changes…..so SPEAK

If you are not used to speaking, to being heard, so what, start now. Just take small steps, practice what you want to say, keeping your tone kind…..it works wonders, you just have to do it x

Don’t live IN your life circumstances……

Your feelings of stress, frustration and overwhelm do not come from your life circumstances, they come from how you VIEW the circumstances……from looking at life within any situation, you see more of the problems, by taking a couple of deep, long, slow breathes, you create ‘distance’ between the situation and your response, and in that distance, no matter how small, you have the opportunity to view every aspect of life, with greater awareness, compassion, forgiveness, as well as possibilities……..isn’t that a gift!

Ultimately all these learning’s and how to deliver them, come wrapped in one easy to deliver, always available, never changing solution….

YOU take RESPONSIBILITY for YOU…. gentle, self-accepting, self-loving, self-compassionate, self-forgiving, self-inquiring responsibility for you. because when you do, every aspect of life becomes easier.

Don’t look for, or expect the world around you to change, look to change the world within you, that is where all your joy, peace and freedom from frustration, stress, overwhelm, whatever is getting down, exists.  That is the simple TRUTH. I promise you.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia xx

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I have created a new community, From Overwhelm to Inner Peace, to help exhausted and overwhelmed professional women break free from feeling trapped, overwhelmed. empty and frustrated, so that they regain joy and balance, through an powerful blend of neuroscience and spiritual practices….if you would like to be part of the journey, click HERE to request entry 🧡

Want to Change Your Drinking, Here’s the ONE Question You NEED to Ask…….“Where’s My Balance”?

Want to Change Your Drinking, Here’s the ONE Question You NEED to Ask…….“Where’s My Balance”?

To change anything something you don’t like about what you do, or yourself, you have to ACT differently to what you are currently doing.

If you don’t ACT differently, you will get the same result.  You know that, and in the context of alcohol, you will continue to drink in a way that causes you stress, unhappiness, pain and despair.

However, what you don’t recognise is that if you try to make the changes to your drinking with ACTIONS that haven’t worked in the past, you will still get the same results, and label yourself as a ‘failure’.  Blaming you and not questioning the methods, the ACTIONS you take.

When it comes to alcohol, the methods of change include,

  • Setting limits around alcohol,
  • Having alcohol free days
  • Avoiding people/places/situations that you have learnt to label as ‘triggers’
  • Being mindful around alcohol………

All your focus is on some sort of avoidance of alcohol, and that method rarely works, plus they keep alcohol firmly in the forefront of your mind….an exhausting way of living isn’t it?

I know that alcohol is not the problem (in intention), and that it absolutely is in result.  I also know that you act on the intention (the feelings that you hope alcohol will bring).  That is the truth

In intention, alcohol is your ‘solution’….the solution to feeling low, tired, bored, lonely, under nourished both physically and emotionally….and if you take a pause and re-read this, you will recognise this truth too.

So, joining the dots, when you try to limit your ‘solution’ (alcohol), you feel anxious, deprived, fearful of life, and think those feelings are caused by alcohol……they are not.

And because you are so entrenched in all your personal and social conditioning around alcohol, you don’t look beyond what you have learnt to accept as a truth, when in fact is what you believe to be true about you, your drinking and the ‘power’ alcohol has over you is nothing more than an ILLUSION.

You don’t crave alcohol.  You crave BALANCE, connectedness, YOU.

How do I know this is true? 

I struggled (such a painful understatement) with my inexplicable drinking for 28 years, and I tried every known and some crazy methods of changing my drinking by focussing on how/when/why I drank, instead of who I was when I drank, and who I was when I didn’t drink…..that is the difference that made the difference to my drinking, not alcohol. 

I realised that on the days I didn’t drink, I felt better, not because the next morning I didn’t have a hangover, but BEFORE I picked up the first glass…..that I felt better, more CONNECTED, more BALANCED within myself.

I also noticed that the days I did drink, I felt less CONNECTED, less in BALANCE….it was that simple and so my aim became not to ‘not drink’, but to be more in BALANCE….it was the key, the easy, effortless key to my ‘miraculous’ change.

You may have forgotten in the dark confusing cloud of your overthinking around your drinking, that,

  • Alcohol does not/cannot change.
  • If you can drink less one day, you can drink less every day.
  • If you can be alcohol free one day, you can be alcohol free every day, because I intentionally repeat here, Alcohol DOES NOT/ CANNOT change.

And if alcohol stays the same, the only other party that changes is YOU. 

But you don’t become weaker or stronger, you become more in balance or less in balance.

You feel the gap within you, the void and you drink to close that gap, to ease your inner tension, that comes from being out of balance, that the further you go from being balanced and connected, the stronger your ‘craving’ for alcohol is……does that make sense?

So, you need to change your conversation from,

“I need a drink” to “I need balance”

When you change your conversation, different feelings come up, different though processes, different answers, different ACTIONS……and your alcohol monster loses its power.  I promise you

You can easily deliver balance, rest, hydration, kind self talk, hugging yourself, going into gratitude – here’s a wonderful truth about gratitude, the more you do it, the longer the list gets…..

So, please, stop accepting TRUTHS that are LIES around the power of alcohol, and take the energy you expend on finding external solutions back to where it needs to be, gently shining a light on who you are being to YOU when you crave alcohol, and then change the word alcohol to BALANCE…..

A different conversation, the TRUE conversation and you will get very different results easily.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia x

PS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”, wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.

My TOP Tip to Help You CHANGE Your DRINKING Long After Dry January….

My TOP Tip to Help You CHANGE Your DRINKING Long After Dry January….

Hello lovely….I hope your Christmas and New Year was peaceful and loving, and I hope your drinking wasn’t what you and your family will remember most….and not for good reasons…….

Now, as you move into January, and ‘normal’ life settles back in, how is your ‘New Year, New You’ mantra sounding to you?

And how are you FEELING about not only smashing Dry January, but changing your drinking for the rest of the year, for LIFE?

If you are doing Dry January, well done you!  Yyou are probably already feeling prouder and better, physically and emotionally – its amazing how quickly you perk up isn’t it?

Maybe you are already feeling more energized, sleeping better, less bloated, skin looking better- and right now, in the early days, you may well be feeling very hopeful that this time you have got it…..but as the month wears on,  the memories of other Dry January’s resurface, when you also felt hopeful and then inexplicably slid back in your old drinking patterns as the year wore on…..

You know at the very core of you that you want to make changes, and not just for January.

You know that you want to drink less consistently, to not feel out of control, and yet to still enjoy a social drink.  You know you want to feel better, look better, ACT better…you know deep within you that your drinking isn’t who you are, you just don’t quite understand how to stay in the sober space when it is your heart’s desire……your heart’s desire to be the mother/partner/hell, even the dog owner, you and your loves deserve, and yet there is also a creeping feeling of ‘loss’ at the thought of changing the very thing you do, drink, that you know takes you further from YOU.

What on earth is going on?

The truth is, once Dry Jan is done and dusted, a yearly box so proudly ticked off, you don’t just start drinking again…..the actual drinking process starts when your THINKING have start to slip back on their well worn track of you having to control or deny yourself a drink….these thoughts take a great deal of fearful energy, which creates the feelings of anxiety and deprivation around what you perceive you will miss from alcohol.

Does that make sense?

However, if you weren’t buying into your alcohol THINKING you wouldn’t be creating any anxious FEELINGS.

Everything you do is through a process of Think, Feel, Re-Act – re-acting being the drowning the woman you love in alcohol.

Your drinking always, always, ALWAYS starts not with the first glass, but with the THINKING that creates the FEELINGS that result in the first glass to COMFORT those FEELINGS…and on to the second, and on to the daily bottle.  This is the simple, always and forever TRUTH.

To give you an insight into how easy it is to let go of both the THOUGHTS and FEELINGS, that take you to drink, the feelings you misidentify as alcohol ‘cravings’, in one effortless step,  here’s one of my easiest, and instant relief from alcohol cravings, LIFE Recovery Coach Tips

Notice the FEELINGS that come up, starting in your gut (they always start there), of fear, anxiety, around alcohol.  This is the ONLY indication you need that your THINKING has slipped.

Next shift your awareness on to your THINKING  – again, your thoughts are the creator of those feelings, NOT ALCOHOL

Notice WHO YOU ARE when these lower THOUGHTS come up maybe you are tired, low, lonely, anxious about work/relationships, only you know. 

And then use this oh, so, simple technique to let both the THOUGHTS and FEELINGS go, without even attempting to address/understand/rationalise anything to do with ALCOHOL.

  • Create a PAUSE by,
  • Changing your BREATHING
  • INHALE through your nose for 5
  • EXHALE through your mouth for 7
  • Increase to an INHALE for 7
  • EXHALE for 11

Do this for just 2 minutes and your alcohol cravings will simply disappear.  I promise you, and if you have to do it 5 times in one hour, DO IT!

You are going to breath anyway, so CHOOSE the way you breathe…..It is as simple as that. 

My clients enjoy huge success, through my uniquely simple and empowering 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method coaching process.  Most  clients who follow the process, make the biggest change from WEEK ONE.

A number of my clients have spent at least one term in Rehab and struggled in the ‘real’ world.

Other clients have come feeling that they felt they were close to losing everything and some who just didn’t want to drink / eat, on a daily basis, in a way they don’t like.

All of them, when they trust the process (me) and work the simple tools (you), have found the balance they desired and deserve.  It will be the same for you too.

It doesn’t matter where you are now, or how long you have been struggling with your drinking, the peaceful way to LETTING GO  is within you all the time. 

If 2022 is YOUR time to put YOU first, to stop doing what you have always done (and getting the same sadder result), and to end your painful drinking struggle for LIFE, Contact me today.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia x

PS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”, wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.

10 Questions to Free You from Your Alcohol Pain, Effortlessly

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