5 Questions to Change Your Painful STORIES
What do you want to change in your LIFE?
What keeps you awake, confused and lost in what to do next…actually not necessarily ‘what’ to do, but the ‘How’ to do it, and then ‘How’ to stick with it?
What do you know you need to do to make your LIFE, Happier, Healthier, more Peaceful, Loving, Joyful and Healed?
Do you want to Drink less, Eat less, Spend less, Worry/Stress / Overthink less /People Please less?
Or do you want to earn more money, have more respect from others, have better relationships, be more confident?
Maybe you want to do less, or have more, of all these things, or your desires might be very different, but whatever your dreams are, let me help you by suggesting that, rather than create a long list that daunts and paralyses you into inaction, make a decision on which one would make the most difference NOW, and start there.
And now you have your start point….this is the day you can confidently write;
“Today is the day I will start my journey of (fill in your blank less, or desired more) and finding the happiness in LIFE I deserve”
(And Hint here…..when you change one area of your LIFE in which you are unhappy, all areas start to shift, they literally can’t not, and your transformation begins)
So, what’s the next step?
Well, conventional thinking in the less arena is, AVOIDANCE, Mindfulness etc ….avoiding, being mindful of people, places/situations where you are more likely to feel triggered and more likely to pick up the behaviour you desperately want to put down.
And in the more arena, is journal, meditate, take assertiveness courses – all of which I personally love (well maybe not the assertiveness courses).
And these strategies are great, except that they don’t resolve the drivers, ‘why’ of your painful behaviour, just put a sticking plaster that doesn’t stick over the wounds when your LIFE gets tougher.
And you know that, because for every success you have, you then slip back, without knowing why and with no new learning and supportive resources to trust, to move you forward again.
I lived for most of my adult life, unhappy, lonely, despairing over who I felt I was, weak, a failiure, unworthy of time/attention and love, and I don’t want the same for you too.
I deserved better, you deserve better. I now have so much more than the ‘better’ I was looking for, and so will you, if you read my words, reflect on them to keep them in your awarness, and ACT on them.
So, the first step of the process of change that transformed my LIFE was that I stopped looking at WHAT I was doing, and looking inside to WHO I was being…..that was the start of every profound shift, in every area of my LIFE.
Let’s do this. From today I would love you to stop looking at what doesn’t work and look in a different direction, to a process of change that does work.
A process that works because it is all about YOU, is as individual as your thumbprint, and is a process that can be applied to any and every area of your LIFE that you want to transform.
Here it is.
- STOP focusing on what you do as the problem of what do or don’t have.
- STOP focusing on Alcohol, Food, Stress, Worry, Anxiety and all the rest and START focusing on who you are BEING to you, when you drink, eat, worry, stress etc.
- On who you are being when you don’t act confidently, when you don’t put yourself up for promotion, start the business your heart tells you to do.
- START paying attention to WHY you make the choices you do, but not on the choices.
- START to identify and recognise the patterns of thoughts and feelings that arise BEFORE you do what you do
Become a professional and inquiring THOUGHT CATCHER, be aware as a third person observer, when the thoughts arise, and ask yourself.
“What STORY am I running now that leads me to drink/eat/shop/worry/stress etc, or say No to opportunities I would love to have?”
You are always running a Story before you act in a way you don’t like, and it is very likey you have been running for years, and so believe it is true. It isn’t.
Here’s a few examples of Stories I hear from clients often.
“I can’t do this, I can’t change, Change will be hard, I’m not good enough, We always did it this way, I’m not brave enough to speak up/say no, Everyone says change will be hard”
Do you recognise you here too?
And here’s the gift of recognising your Stories.
When you recognise your Story, you immediately take yourself out of your thinking storm that create the the fears that come up, and start a very different conversation with the only person who knows your answers, YOU.
And when you do that, you can start to gently, lovingly, self-curiously challenge your current Story, and re-write your Story to a more empowering one.
The process I use of my clients to change their Stories is so simple.
I ask them what STORY they are running when they are struggling to makes changes, so that they have real clarity, and then I ask them to answer these 5 Story changing questions
- Is this story true?
- Is this story always, 100% of the time true? (be honest and know that, ‘Most of the time’ is a NO, because what is true once, is true every time).
- How does this story make me feel?
- How would I act if I knew this story wasn’t true?
- What else might be true instead?
The answers you give allow you great insight into your inner world, into your Unconscious Mind, that is always, always the driver of your actions, and in doing so, to disrupt the pattern of your Story, loosening the old Story’s hold in your own mind, and giving you an opportunity to explore what else might be true.
Change is NOT hard, its about taking different actions, some small, some bigger, and some very big.
But even for the very big ones, change is not hard because of the action it requires, it is hard, but because of the STORIES you hold on to and believe about yourself, the world and your place in the world. That is all our truths.
Please use this simple process of mine, test it out on smaller issues, practice it, reflect on the message of the process to keep it in your awareness, and your LIFE will change.
It will transform, it will not seem hard and I promise you, you will be taking powerful steps towards living and loving the Happy, Healthy, Healed LIFE you deserve.
If you would like a more in depth conversation about my process of HEALING, message me (HERE) and as always and forever
Be very kind and gentle with yourself.