5 Questions to Change Your Painful STORIES

5 Questions to Change Your Painful STORIES

What do you want to change in your LIFE?

What keeps you awake, confused and lost in what to do next…actually not necessarily ‘what’ to do, but the ‘How’ to do it, and then ‘How’ to stick with it?

What do you know you need to do to make your LIFE, Happier, Healthier, more Peaceful, Loving, Joyful and Healed?

Do you want to Drink less, Eat less, Spend less, Worry/Stress / Overthink less /People Please less?

Or do you want to earn more money, have more respect from others, have better relationships, be more confident?

Maybe you want to do less, or have more, of all these things, or your desires might be very different, but whatever your dreams are, let me help you by suggesting that, rather than create a long list that daunts and paralyses you into inaction, make a decision on which one would make the most difference NOW, and start there.

And now you have your start point….this is the day you can confidently write;

“Today is the day I will start my journey of (fill in your blank less, or desired more) and finding the happiness in LIFE I deserve”

(And Hint here…..when you change one area of your LIFE in which you are unhappy, all areas start to shift, they literally can’t not, and your transformation begins)

So, what’s the next step? 

Well, conventional thinking in the less arena is, AVOIDANCE, Mindfulness etc ….avoiding, being mindful of people, places/situations where you are more likely to feel triggered and more likely to pick up the behaviour you desperately want to put down.

And in the more arena, is journal, meditate, take assertiveness courses – all of which I personally love (well maybe not the assertiveness courses).

And these strategies are great, except that they don’t resolve the drivers, ‘why’ of your painful behaviour, just put a sticking plaster that doesn’t stick over the wounds when your LIFE gets tougher.

And you know that, because for every success you have, you then slip back, without knowing why and with no new learning and supportive resources to trust, to move you forward again.

I lived for most of my adult life, unhappy, lonely, despairing over who I felt I was, weak, a failiure, unworthy of time/attention and love, and I don’t want the same for you too.

I deserved better, you deserve better. I now have so much more than the ‘better’ I was looking for, and so will you, if you read my words, reflect on them to keep them in your awarness, and ACT on them.

So, the first step of the process of change that transformed my LIFE was that I stopped looking at WHAT I was doing, and looking inside to WHO I was being…..that was the start of every profound shift, in every area of my LIFE.

Let’s do this. From today I would love you to stop looking at what doesn’t work and look in a different direction, to a process of change that does work.

A process that works because it is all about YOU, is as individual as your thumbprint, and is a process that can be applied to any and every area of your LIFE that you want to transform.

Here it is.

  • STOP focusing on what you do as the problem of what do or don’t have. 
  • STOP focusing on Alcohol, Food, Stress, Worry, Anxiety and all the rest and START focusing on who you are BEING to you, when you drink, eat, worry, stress etc. 
  • On who you are being when you don’t act confidently, when you don’t put yourself up for promotion, start the business your heart tells you to do.

And instead

  • START paying attention to WHY you make the choices you do, but not on the choices.
  • START to identify and recognise the patterns of thoughts and feelings that arise BEFORE you do what you do

Become a professional and inquiring THOUGHT CATCHER, be aware as a third person observer, when the thoughts arise, and ask yourself.

“What STORY am I running now that leads me to drink/eat/shop/worry/stress etc, or say No to opportunities I would love to have?”

You are always running a Story before you act in a way you don’t like, and it is very likey you have been running for years, and so believe it is true. It isn’t.

Here’s a few examples of Stories I hear from clients often.

“I can’t do this, I can’t change, Change will be hard, I’m not good enough, We always did it this way, I’m not brave enough to speak up/say no, Everyone says change will be hard”

Do you recognise you here too?

And here’s the gift of recognising your Stories.

When you recognise your Story, you immediately take yourself out of your thinking storm that create the the fears that come up, and start a very different conversation with the only person who knows your answers, YOU.

And when you do that, you can start to gently, lovingly, self-curiously challenge your current Story, and re-write your Story to a more empowering one.

The process I use of my clients to change their Stories is so simple.

I ask them what STORY they are running when they are struggling to makes changes, so that they have real clarity, and then I ask them to answer these 5 Story changing questions

  1. Is this story true?
  2. Is this story always, 100% of the time true?  (be honest and know that, ‘Most of the time’ is a NO,  because what is true once, is true every time).
  3. How does this story make me feel?
  4. How would I act if I knew this story wasn’t true?
  5. What else might be true instead?

The answers you give allow you great insight into your inner world, into your Unconscious Mind, that is always, always the driver of your actions, and in doing so, to disrupt the pattern of your Story, loosening the old Story’s hold in your own mind,  and giving you an opportunity to explore what else might be true. 

Change is NOT hard, its about taking different actions, some small, some bigger, and some very big.

But even for the very big ones, change is not hard because of the action it requires, it is hard, but because of the STORIES you hold on to and believe about yourself, the world and your place in the world.  That is all our truths.

Please use this simple process of mine, test it out on smaller issues, practice it, reflect on the message of the process to keep it in your awareness, and your LIFE will change. 

It will transform, it will not seem hard and I promise you, you will be taking powerful steps towards living and loving the Happy, Healthy, Healed LIFE you deserve.

If you would like a more in depth conversation about my process of HEALING, message me (HERE) and as always and forever

Be very kind and gentle with yourself.

Sonia x



LIFE can feel very lonely at times can’t it? Even when you are surrounded by your loved ones.

It is so easy to become trapped in your own head, struggling to find answers by yourself, as to;

Why you Drink in a way you hate,
Why you Eat in a way you hate,
Why you constantly People Please,
Why you don’t stick up for yourself
Why you accept the unacceptable

And all the time, you know, from the bottom of your heart, that the way you live ‘isn’t right’, that there must be a way out, a better way, a happier way of living, but you don’t know how to get there.

Maybe you know logically what you need to do, but you still can’t do it, and the confusion of knowing but not doing, makes you feel even weaker, more of a failure, and more fearful of even trying again.

The ‘problem’ is that you don’t act on what you logically know, you don’t act on what your head tells you, because when it comes down to making profound changes in your LIFE away from hurt and into HEALED, your head does not lead the way.

You head has learnt from what it sees and hears from your experience, and from what it sees and hears from others experience of change, and then you internalize what you have learnt and it becomes a BELIEF.

Some Beliefs support you, other become the painful the blocks to the LIFE of freedom and peace you long for and deserve. That is my TRUTH, that is your TRUTH.

You have learnt to BELIEVE that change will be hard, that you don’t deserve better (the BELIEF there is that you are not Good Enough), and so you stay trapped in your cycles of despair.

But your painful BELIEF’S are not true, and once you have the skills to recognise when a painful BELIEF is stopping you from making the changes you long for and deserve, you can, if you take loving self-responsibility, release them for LIFE.

The first step is to know how to recognize a painful BELIEF

And with everything about you, when you know how, its very simple.

Think of what you want to change, the way you Drink, Eat, Shop, or the things you want to have, Money, Healthy Relationships, and notice what and where in your body, any feelings that come up.

And even thought I don’t know you, I can tell you know exactly what and where the feelings show up, in your stomach.

You feel fearful, tense, anxious…..that is you bumping up against your BELIEF.

Please read that again. Those fearful, tense, anxious feelings have nothing to do with alcohol and not drinking, or food and not eating, or not being good enough to end something that doesn’t serve you, or try something new, those feelings are you trying to cross the BELIEF you hold around what you do/don’t do.

That’s it, that’s all.

And the process of change? That’s simple too.

By recognizing and accepting the above as your TRUTH, change comes not from trying to bash your gentle heart into submission, or by criticizing yourself, or by beating yourself up with harsh words and unkind tones that hurt you more, but instead, by simply noticing when you the tension in your stomach shows up, taking a step back in the form of a pause, from the thoughts that always, always precede the tense feelings, by taking a couple of deep long breathes, that will calm your heart and mind, and then by taking loving self-responsibility to start different conversations with yourself.

  • Conversation of self-curiosity, not self-criticism. “What am I thinking / feeling differently before I feel out of control?”
  • Conversations with different questions to the usual, “What’s wrong with you?”
  • Conversations that allow you to gain clarity on YOU, again, what you are thinking and feeling on the days when LIFE feels easier, when you are happier, when you act in a way that support you, instead of focusing your questions on what you do /don’t do.

By have different, self-loving, self-curious conversations with yourself, you will uncover the BELIEF’s that hold you back, and then you can gently – always gently – challenge, rather than accept the truth of these beliefs.

You can start to question the evidence of these BELIEFS, and also ask yourself, what else might be true instead of the belief that blocks you.

Curious conversations allow for new awareness’s, a different perspective, empowering insights, that with simple new strategies, allow change to become effortless. I promise you.

This is how I recovered from being defeated by LIFE, from feeling out of control, lost, unlovable, not good enough and so many other painful feelings, to being the happiest, most fulfilled and bravest I have ever been.

My LIFE Recovery Coaching journey started helping women find freedom and peace from the pain out of their seemingly out-of-control drinking, using my own journey from 28 years of feeling nothing but hopeless despair, to the peace, joy, happiness and HEALING in LIFE, myself and my son enjoy.

And from there, over the course of many, many hours of coaching, research and training’s that I constantly invest in….(my thirst for understanding and using what I learn will never end).

And so my practice organically expanded in to coaching clients who have a wide range of problems, where they feel trapped, alone and fearful, to easy freedom, using the exact same method.

No matter where you are now, or how long you have felt the pain of being out of control of what you do, the way you Drink, or Eat etc,

Or what you don’t do, the actions that if you were ‘brave’ enough to do, would give you the things you long for in life, the happier relationships, the freedom from your painful past,

Whatever your trap is, you CAN change, it is not hard, and every step of the way takes you closer to the Happy, Healthy, HEALED you, who loves LIFE and moves through it with grace and ease.

If this message resonates with you, I can help you.

My LIFE Recovery Coaching is a unique blend of neuro-science, practical strategies and spiritual practices which reconnect you with the wonder of who you truly are, that end your mind battle, your inner tension, and that finally set you gently and firmly your own path from Hurt to Healed and from Pain to Peace.

Depending on where you feel trapped, you might only need 2 or 3 sessions to get your results, so if you are ready for change, please contact me (HERE), and let’s talk.

I am here, I deeply care and I CAN help you find long lasting, deep, true, heartfelt Happiness.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia x

10 Questions to Free You from Your Alcohol Pain, Effortlessly

Get your FREE copy by simply entering your details below.

Thank you, please check your mailbox