- How are you thinking about your drinking?
- How are you feeling about your drinking?
- How are you DRINKING?
- Is your mind free of the tension and stress of your daily thoughts around whether to drink or not tonight?
- Of trying to rationalise last nights drinking?
- Of not sure what else you can do tonight to relax without a glass or two?
And how do you feel in this place of inner struggle, a struggle that no-one else can see, but which makes you feel like crying in your confusion and helplessness?
The more you struggle to control what you do, drink, the stronger the urge for a drink is….do you recognise that?
But it is not alcohol that causes that struggle.
Your drinking is what you do when you ‘give in’, your drinking is what you do to end the struggle, but it is NOT the cause of it….it is not alcohol that takes you to the wine aisle, when you promised yourself wouldn’t go there again.
It is NOT alcohol that you lose control over, it is the FEAR that overwhelms, that you lose control over and the FEAR that you drink to COMFORT (and if alcohol is not your ‘poison’ of non-comfort, you will recognise this in the way you eat, overspend, hoard, gamble….the painful actions you take)
So, in the context of your drinking, what is the FEAR really?
FEAR is the sign that you have the belief that alcohol brings you something (it all falls under the umbrella term of ‘comfort’), and that you will be denying yourself ‘comfort’ when you need it most.
You don’t feel ‘deprived’ or ‘missing out’ of doing anything that you believe makes you feel better, comforts you.
It is FEAR, that is the foundation of your struggle to change your drinking. Nothing more, nothing less, and then you add to it the other fearful beliefs you hold around alcohol such as;
- The FEAR around the fact that you just don’t understand why you drink
- The FEAR of how hard change will be, and for how long it takes for the change to settle
- The FEAR of how you will cope, how you will fit in, how you will relax, how you will feel confident in situations, deal with certain people
- The FEAR of the memories of your past failures which makes the thought of trying again so much harder
- And a myriad of other FEARS that you might not be able to even identify.
Your drinking trap is FEAR, not alcohol
I can even tell you where your fear shows up in your body. Sit for a moment and ask yourself,
“How do I feel about not drinking?” and notice the location and sensation in your body.
It is always a FEAR based feeling, (you might label it unease, anxiety, loss) and it always shows up first in your gut, which is your centre of self-esteem, your centre of self.
It is the same for everyone.
Yes, it might then grow into the heavy sadness in your heart, the black cloud of confusion in your head, but it always, always starts in your gut when you think about trying to change your drinking
Your FEAR is the blackout blind that blocks you, that cuts you off from freedom, that closes down opportunities to see, think, feel and drink differently.
Let go of the FEAR, and change, any change is easy. NEW yes, hard NO. JOYFUL yes, stressful NO.
To make the changes you long for, and deserve, you MUST stop looking at the answers in alcohol.
You MUST stop using avoidance tactics, counting units, setting limits on ALCOHOL.
Why? Because all these do is keep the FEAR under control, until something changes in your life, and you have no awareness of what is going on inside, with no strategies to re-balance, and so your old drinking thinking comes up, you don’t understand why, and you start to feel the FEAR of your successes slipping away and you return to your old drinking to comfort yourself.
Please, please read that again and let it settle. It is the TRUTH.
If the methods of change you have tried before haven’t worked consistently, give up those methods.
Finally accept what you know to be true, because you have the evidence, that they don’t work!
Open your mind away from them and ask yourself,
” If this hasn’t worked for me before, why do I keep trying it?”
The answer is, you don’t believe there is another way….DROP that now.
Until you do, you will keep pushing your exhausted spirit in a direction it doesn’t want to go, and as you know, just doesn’t work…..
Here are some more truths, which is you accept them, will change your life, effortlessly, without FEAR
- Change is NOT hard
- Change is NOT stressful
- Change does not come with FEAR
- Change comes through learning something NEW
- Change comes from having strategies, practical and spiritual that you can lean into easily
- Change brings EXCITEMENT for a new future
- Changes delivers PEACE, FREEDOM and LIFE as it is meant to be lived.
My drinking didn’t change because I suddenly became stronger, it changed when I became WISER, when I looked in a different direction which allowed me to feel differently, to shift my FEAR and then to use simple strategies which have taken me back to me, to my center, to my heart to my trust, and it will be exactly the same for you.
My message is simple, accept that it is FEAR that keeps you trapped and in need of comfort, so it is FEAR that needs to be understood and let go of, not alcohol.
Walk into your FEARS….you won’t find a terrifying alcohol monster ready to drown you, to watch you sink into oblivion. In fact you won’t find anything to wound or harm you, in you.
You will only find more of YOU, the loving, kind you who is frightened and desperately needing to be understood, to have your basic simple needs met, to be comforted, to be accepted, to be LOVED and cared for by YOU….and I promise you darling, when you do that, when you look within for the answers, they are always there and they are always easy to deliver.
I hope this helps you start to understand that alcohol is not what traps you, and starts you to have the compassionate, non-judgmental conversations with yourself that will ease your fears, because then, with some practical steps and spiritual practices you will find peace and freedom around alcohol, and in life, easily.
If you are ready to step out your FEARS, to simply LET THEM GO, if you have had enough of being exhausted over your struggle, if you have had enough of feeling overwhelmed by your drinking, ashamed of who you are when you drink, let’s talk.
Most of my clients drinking change from DAY ONE in WEEK ONE, and all who follow my unique 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process, change by WEEK TWO, because from the very first session, they understand and release the FEAR
The hardest part, the bravest part of change, is to step out of what you think you ‘know’ about your drinking, to accept that there is another way and that you just don’t know how to access that other way, and to say, ‘Help me’….
When you do that, you commit to becoming you again, the woman who drinks socially, who doesn’t hide her drinking, who doesn’t lie about her drinking, who is present and connected to life who has taken a journey of Relief, Release, Peace and JOY
Be kind and gentle with yourself
PS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”,
Today is a day of expressing LOVE….one day, when it should be every day…..🧡
You may have a special someone else, you may not, and it doesn’t’ matter.
You are not alone, you have YOU 🧡
Regardless of how you are feeling about you, life, your drinking, any of your struggles, can I ask you to do one thing today, as someone who has lived for most of my adult life feeling isolated, overwhelmed and in struggle and sadness about who I was, and my painful drinking, who is now free and at peace, and wants the same for you…and from the bottom of my heart I do…that I do every day, on good days as well as sadder, because it always resets my world?….🧡
Take 5 minutes to sit quietly, wrap your arms around yourself, tight, rub your arms, your back, wherever you can reach, rhythmically, let your body rock into the movement, and with the tenderness you give to your loves, and rarely, if ever to yourself and lean into the feeling of being held, of strength of LOVE that will flow through you, from you and back into comforting your hurt heart, your wounded soul.
Breath deeply and say, in your head or out loud, with kindness,
I love you darling, I love you, I LOVE YOU 🧡
I know how hard you try 🧡
I know how well you mean 🧡
I know you’re a silly thing sometimes and I still, and always and forever will, love you 🧡
I forgive you 🧡
I feel complete compassion for how hard you try 🧡
I hear you 🧡
I see you 🧡
I LOVE you 🧡
Give yourself one last squeeze of SELF-LOVE, and go about your day.
When you do this every day. When you acknowledge the wonder of you (and you ARE wondrous), you will start to heal, you will accept who you are, you will be your strength, your stay, and EVERY aspect of LIFE will be softer, gentler, less frightening, and more manageable. I PROMISE you.
Be kind and gentle with yourself today and everyday.
PS, As I have evolved on my journey, so has my Coaching, I am so proud of the profound change my clients who struggle with their drinking get through my unique Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process.
To go from feeling out of control and fearful around what and how they drink to peace, freedom and easy choice, in less than 6 weeks seems a miracle to them, when the truth is, it is easy.
And now I have expanded my practice to include LIFE Recovery Coaching, guiding women who feel trapped in Overwhelm, Stress, and Frustration back to Inner PEACE through an exciting mix of Neuroscience, Practical Strategies & Spiritual Practices…..message me if you want to know more xx
You are living in a time of shifting sands, everywhere you look there seems to be upheaval and crisis, soaring costs, darker threats, greater losses.
And all when you when you had begun to hope that LIFE would settle and you could start to find your natural rhythm again, even if it is an adapted new natural rhythm…you are weary of the ‘fight’ and you LIFE has become less than it should be, often without you even realizing it……..
So, how are you? Really, how are YOU?
- Are you feeling OVERWHELMED by life?
- Struggling with STRESS & ANXIETY?
- Do you feel you have lost CONTROL over your days, going from work to home, with no time for you?
- Has LIFE lost its sparkle? Have you lost your PEACE & JOY?
And what have you learnt to ‘DO’ to try to feel better, to find little peace, calm, you time, every day?
Maybe you drink too much, or overeat, or overspend, and then have the added stress of trying to deal with the destructive behaviors you use to ‘comfort’ yourself.
Or maybe you don’t have a specific destructive behavior you can focus on to change, maybe you are just limping through life smile plastered on, when all you want to do is lie down and sleep. Do you recognize you here?
Overwhelm, stress, anxiety, self-imposed pressure to be perfect, and worry, are the emotional crises of modern life.
These powerful, negative emotions rob you of peace, balance, joy and LOVE of life…..and it is a tragedy that so many of you have learnt to almost expect, and accept, these feelings, and the behaviors you use, and have tried time and time again to change without long term success, and so just suffer in silence, waiting for life to get better, for you to get stronger, have more willpower and all the rest, when it just should not/need not be like that any day, let alone every day.
And you try to help yourself, you really do.
You try to drink less, eat better, re-connect with yourself. You read the self-help books (and it all makes sense), you do the yoga, the meditations/ mindfulness, you get outside, you breathe and it works, for a bit, but not enough….because it is not these ‘works’ that makes the difference.
Why? Because you are ‘working’ from the outside, you are focused on changing your DOING, in the hope it will change your life, and it doesn’t, because your life, how you view it, how you cope with it, the overwhelm you struggle with, the feelings of stress and anxiety, the loss of joy, come from WITHIN you, not your life circumstances…..Does that make sense? It is the truth.
Your WITHIN creates your WITHOUT, you hear that over and over again, and yet without knowing how to shift your WITHIN, the feelings that drag you down, don’t go away, and life gets less exciting, less shiny, just less……
When you are at peace within, you easily create the boundaries you need to protect you, you easily make the best choices for you.
Your life comes together in the flow you read about, but struggle to achieve.
In flow, you are no longer trying to jam the pieces of your life into an ill fitting, overlapping jigsaw. Instead you magnetically, and with love, draw your life together.
And when you do that, there is no overwhelm, no stress, no anxiety that cannot be resolved.
To be in flow is not just about the spiritual stuff…..and I have a very strong spirituality, and daily spiritual practices to keep me in balance, which include committing to madly dancing for 10 minutes every morning to Robbie Williams, “I love my life”, reading prose to re-center myself, gratitude’s and lighting a candle when I work, all of which work beautifully, alongside very practical strategies too.
To come out of overwhelm, out of stress, anxiety etc, you first need to understand the areas of your life where you are IN flow, and where you are most OUT of flow, before you even think about putting in place the LIFE change you desire.
When you are stressed, anxious and overwhelmed, it can feel as though every area of your life is ‘wrong’ and even thinking about change, becomes, well….overwhelming, because overwhelm throws everything in together, but that is not your truth.
Next you need to be coached, either by you or me😘 , through those parts of your life where overwhelm really is present, into greater awareness’s, insights and opportunities for change.
And you need to create a bespoke, self-loving structure and boundaries within which you feel safe to speak out, to ask for help, to receive help, to grow.
All of these shift your awareness from feeling trapped, powerless and empty, and focusing on trying to change your life circumstances – because lets be honest, I’m not talking about suddenly finding yourself living in Nivarna……often you can’t just pack up and move on from what’s going on, but you can, and for your physical and emotional wellbeing, MUST change your perception of your life circumstances. Find a way of thinking/feeling/perceiving your life, that comforts you, that expands you….
To bring this all together, the simple truth is that the way you think and feel about yourself and your circumstances, comes from WITHIN you.
From what you currently believe to be true of you, what you believe you are capable of, and deserving of, and having the strategies that align what your head and your heart (your thinking and your feeling), that take you out of all overwhelm, stress, fear and gently lead you back into peace.
When you are in balance within you, your life changes completely 🧡
You have acceptance, compassion, forgiveness and love for you first and foremost, and those birthright gifts, shift everything within you, and allow you the grace to navigate life’s storms without fear of drowning.
- Change is not hard, its not about being stronger, or harder on yourself.
- Change is not about trying to beat your gentle soul into submission.
Change always and only comes when you have new insights that expand what you know, your awareness and that create feelings of feelings of hope and excitement (the simple SECRET is to have the new thoughts and happy feelings at the same time, consistently), because when you do, you are aligned in your head and your heart, in what you know and what you feel, and in the place you can easily let go of what doesn’t serve you, mainly old worn out thoughts and feelings about you, and then putting in place the strategies that support your learning’s. That’s it. That’s all, its that simple.
I started my coaching journey taking women from Alcohol Pain to Peace, and I LOVE guiding my clients through the process of magical transformation, and now, I am expanding my practice into LIFE Recovery Coaching.
- A LIFE recovered is a JOY, a quiet joy in tough times, a heart sing JOY in the good times,
- A LIFE recovered is freedom from destructive behaviours, destructive thoughts, destructive feelings.
- A LIFE recovered is where you LAUGH at what used to bring you down, where you re-balance quickly, and have learnt to LET GO of what hurts you.
- A LIFE recovered is a whole life, a spiritually and practically aligned LIFE, a life free from the modern emotional crises of Overwhelm, Stress, Anxiety and back into PEACE
If you would like to have a chat about my LIFE Recovery Coaching, I work with three, 1:2:1 clients each month, message me HERE
Or why not join my new Facebook community, From Overwhelm to Inner Peace for support and inspiration.
Always, and forever, be kind and gentle with YOU
PS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”, wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.