I hope your Christmas was peaceful and loving – it is very likely that it was much quieter than planned, but with love and appreciation for who/what you have in life, and even if you couldn’t physically see and touch your loves, it is still a very special time of year to celebrate the wonders of love and LIFE ❤
I wrote the rest of this blog last year after a brutal brush with COVID, and as I re-read it earlier this month, I realized it is as relevant this year as it was on the day I wrote it……..
Happy Christmas lovely! I can say with the most profound gratitude that my smaller, quieter Christmas was magical ❤
Whilst there are no wrapped presents for me, there was the only gift I wanted, the one I longed for most, and one that I will never tire of receiving, but that’s for a little later in this blog…….
As you may know, I struggled badly with COVID in the run up to Christmas, so all my shopping plans – even online – went out the window as I focused on being able to breathe.
And I wasn’t too bothered. I knew my quarantine ended on 23rd so I could get the basics done, except on the 23rd I still wasn’t well enough to leave the house, and there was no-where to go as I live in Tier 4……Ho Hum…….
So, Christmas morning I exchanged with my son the few gifts I had already bought him, and he, having also been ill, gave me all he had, a Christmas card.
Now I don’t know about you, but I LOVE thoughtful cards, and although I know he felt (temporarily) a bit bad and apologetic, he really didn’t need to because, not only were we both so relieved to be recovering, but even more precious to me were the simple, honest, loving words my Christopher wrote in my card, that bought me to tears again this morning as I hugged it tight.
Here’s what he wrote,
“Happy Christmas to the best mum I could ever want. I know I am the most important person in your world, and you are the most important person in mine. I love you and I am proud of you every day. My super special, mad, lovely MUM”
Can you imagine how I felt to read these words? There is nothing Christopher, or anyone could have given me that means more to me than this.
No physical gift will ever match the gift of this, of his FORGIVENESS of a childhood he should never have experienced due to my drinking, and the FORGIVENESS of me, to me, for the poor, struggling, lost woman I was.
Christopher sees, feels, hears and knows in his soul (as do I), that the woman I was then, was not the ‘real me’, but a lost me, struggling to find a path in life I could walk, but stumbling over the alcohol bottles that I allowed to litter my way, in my beliefs that I was not good enough, in my fears and beliefs around how hard changing my drinking would be and my fears about how I would cope if by some miracle, I could change the way I drank.
My focus was always that I was weak and alcohol was strong. That I was a failure and alcohol was a winner. How wrong I was……….
My son also knows that,
I never meant to hurt or neglect him, he is my heartbeat, and that
I never meant to hurt or neglect me.
I didn’t drink like a woman possessed by any alcohol demon because I didn’t care, because I didn’t love – I, like you, probably love too much.
I drank in a way that hurt us both because I didn’t know how to STOP.
I thought I was battling alcohol, but I wasn’t, I was battling ME, abusing me, threatening me, begging me to change, being disappointed and hating me, not alcohol – it was all my misunderstanding, my confusion, my loss of me, that I tried to comfort with alcohol, and by trying to stay away from, or even change, alcohol, I was denying myself the only ‘comfort’ I had. It is the same for you too.
I know now, with the profound gratitude I lean into every day, so, so differently. I know, accept and embrace who I am and I, again, like you, are always, always enough for me and for those who love me.
The FORGIVENESS and the love in my son’s card, are a reflection of the forgiveness and love I hold for ME, and that FORGIVENESS is the greatest gift, as it powers me forward in life, it releases hurt, lets go of anger and lets in LOVE. I wish the same gift for you too.
So my Christmas has been exactly what I wanted it to be, topped off by Christopher making the most amazing Christmas Dinner all by himself, and we sitting stuffing our faces with Mince Pies laughing at the Vicar of Dibley Christmas special.
This Christmas was special, and every sober day is special too.
Please let 2020 be the very last year you struggle to change your drinking. It is NOT hard, I promise you
Changing your drinking changes every area of your life. It is a miraculous transformation from loss and pain to peace and freedom.
Here’s a message I got just yesterday from a relieved client (there’s more on my Testimonials page).
“This is my FIRST sober Christmas in 15 years….I had 2 glasses of champagne on Christmas Day, and another glass on a family Zoom party, Boxing Day…..my family are so proud of me and I am so proud of me…….this is the life I dreamed of……thank you Sonia”
It doesn’t’ matter where you are now, or how long you have been there, the life you are searching for is within you all the time, you just don’t know how to access it. I do.
If now is your time to change, to put you first, to gift yourself the ease, peace and freedom you deserve, take a look at my completely unique, soul and life expanding 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method page, and and reach out to me, TODAY.
That first email is the only hard part of change, I PROMISE YOU ❤
Be kind and gentle with yourself
PS If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
Christmas is just around the corner, has the excitement, (ok, the pressure), started to build?
There has been so much uncertainity this year, so much joy has been lost, and you want to make everything ‘perfect’ for your loves.
You do more, you add more to your already busy lives and all with the intention of showing the love that you are made of.
You put more pressure on yourself and in doing so, your drinking can quickly slip from the jolly, celebratory glass or two you planned to stick with, and become the wrecking ball of your longed for perfect, loving Christmas.
For those of you who know me, you know that I don’t focus on alcohol as being the problem to be resolved when you change your drinking.
Why? Because I know that you drink in a way you don’t like to comfort yourself, so changing your drinking is NEVER about counting units, mindful drinking apps, and all the rest. If they work for you great, however they focus very much on ‘controlling’ your need for comfort.
So what does work? Its simple.
It’s not about how to stop drinking after a few glasses, but to address your need for comfort so that you don’t crave a drink, and to do this, my Top Tip for a safe, peaceful, Sober Christmas (as in not drunk, but still enjoying a tipple), is Parent Yourself!
To know how to protect, nurture and comfort is one of your greatest instinctive gifts, yet my clients often say that the don’t know how to offer comfort to themselves. However they do know exactly what do when it comes to their children / partners, which is all the evidence needed that they do know what to do. How about you?
- Would you stand by and watch your child, no matter what their age, run themselves like a machine?
- Would you let them get up early and work themselves through the day shopping, cleaning, cooking, and all the rest, without imploring them to sit down, have a cup of tea and eat something?
- Would you stand by and watch their hurt faces on a bad day without asking them without absolute love, care and concern what was wrong, would they like a chat, can you offer them some support?
- Would you leave them collapsed and exhausted on the kitchen chair without the comfort of a moving them to a comfortable chair, wrapping them in a blanket, offering to run a bath, asking what they would like to watch, read, listen to.
- Would you watch them struggle without asking them what they need right now to feel better, to feel comforted?
And finally, would you sit your child down when you saw they were low, tired, fed up, upset and offer them a sneaky bottle of wine, telling them to slip into the kitchen to drink it so no-one else knows, and ignore every opportunity to comfort their true needs?
Of course you wouldn’t!!!
You would probably cry a the thought of them suffering or struggling, and yet for you, all that is fine, isn’t it………?
Parenting Yourself is the awareness and deliverance to you, by you, of what you are in need of, and it is ALL you need to do to release your ‘need’ for the comfort of a drink.
You only need to notice how you are feeling, to pause and lovingly ask yourself what you are in lacking, at any moment that your thinking turns to your ‘need’ for a drink, to comfort yourself, and then listen to your soul, to your heart.
The answer will always come, from that lonely, unloved, unheard voice within you, and when it does, you ACT on your answers. And if you can’t ACT on your answers in the moment, acknowledge them and promise to deliver later.
When you do deliver on your needs, you will feel yourself relax in the glow of love and care of you, by you, and your need for alcohol will simply disappear.
Here’ a few simple questions to ask lovingly of yourself, not just in the run up to Christmas, but everyday.
These questions will open the doors of the precious communication of you that is lacking right now.
Asking, without judgement, and listening to your heartfelt answers, will show you the gentle path to reducing your unhappy, lower feelings, your stress, and overwhelm, and in doing so, allow you to release your craving for a drink, effortlessly.
- What time do I need to go to bed to be MY BEST?
- What time do I need to get up to be MY BEST?
- What can I lovingly delegate today to be MY BEST?
- How can I make life easier today to be MY BEST?
- What can I let go of doing today to be MY BEST?
- How often do I need to rest today to be MY BEST?
- What do I need to eat today, and when, to be MY BEST?
Always, always remember that what is BEST for you, is BEST for everyone who matters to you.
A nurtured, nourished, acknowledged and delivered of your needs, you, is an expansive powerhouse of love and care for your family. A depleted, exhausted, unacknowledged of your needs you, drinks too much, regrets it, hates yourself, and so drinks more.
But I promise you, that when you take the time to know what you need, and deliver it, your drinking life transforms, literally.
You will begin to recognize, with absolute clarity when your alcohol need is at its strongest and when it is at its weakest, and you will also recognize it is ALL down to how you are feeling, and has NOTHING to do with alcohol. There is such a relief in that empowering knowledge.
Its not too late for you to enjoy your first Sober (not drunk, but enjoying a tipple) Christmas. This will be my 7th Sober Christmas and I know now what true Christmas joy is for me, and for those I love most.
If my thoughts on what your drinking really is, a way of offering yourself comfort (which is 100% the truth), then my unique 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method coaching process will intuitively transform your life.
Whilst there is a exact process to my work, it is a powerful, simple and insightful awareness’s of the truth around your drinking struggle, which you will recognize immediately, and then the simple letting go of all your drinking struggle and stress, using an exciting blend of neuro-science and practical strategies, it is never a one-size fits all approach.
You are your own size, so of course my work adapts to YOUR life, your needs, your desires. And individual though it is, this is the process that releases all your old beliefs around alcohol, about you and alcohol, about how hard it is to change your drinking, and so much more. It is a journey back to the connection of you that is only ever temporarily lost, and easily regained.
Be kind and gentle with yourself
PS. I love to share my clients joy at being free from their drinking pain and shame, so here’s a message I received recently. If you would like to see more, check out my TESTIMONIALS page
“I am so proud and happy in who I am, your process is amazing, I enjoy a glass of wine or two, sometimes even three and then I STOP, easily. I want to recommend you to EVERYONE. It is not a cost, it is my life”
Plus, as it is a 6 week process, you will get all the support you need at one of the most stressful times of the year, especially this year.
Finally, if you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.