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The ONE Shift that Transformed My LIFE!

The ONE Shift that Transformed My LIFE!

Where do you look to find the answers that will change your LIFE?

The miracle answers to your drinking and how to change it, to you eating and how to control it, to your feelings of stress, anxiety, overwhelm?  To your lack of self-confidence, people pleasing, low self-esteem….to any of the answers to the ‘problems’ of YOU?

Do you look to self-help books, inspirational / motivational speakers/preachers?  To those who have walked your path and found the happiness, peace and calm in LIFE that is all you ever wanted?

Maybe you look to those who have struck out on their own, have a simple idea and made a fortune and then promised you can do it too?

And with all the mountains of material out there, some free, some very expensive, have you got what you were looking for, what you are searching for, what you ache to have in LIFE?

For almost 30 years I searched and re-searched the answers to the ‘problems of me.  To my lostness, my lack of love, my hurts, my drinking, my everything that was wrong with me – and there seemed plenty.

And in every book I read, in every program I signed up to, in every video I watched.  I learnt something, it made sense, and I couldn’t do it.  Or not for long.

I couldn’t make the changes to my LIFE I dreamed of….and my dreams might not have seemed big to others, to be sober, to be happy, to have peace, to be proud of myself, to be a wonderful mum, but to me, oh yes to me, they were my hearts desires, my hopes, my daily prayers, and they never came true.

But I couldn’t achieve any of my dreams by following someone elses advice, or journey, until I shifted ONE thing.  Just one, and this is it.

 I stopped looking to anyone else to provide me with the answers to ME.

And here’s why I had spent my time looking to others for the answers, and why their answers didn’t work for me…..

From our earliest days, we are taught to listen and learn from our parents, teachers, others who have learnt more than us, before us, and accept the knowledge that they give us as truth.  The only truth.

And of course, in terms of science, maths, the sun rises in the morning, the sun sets at night and so much more, that is absolutely true.  8 x 8 always and forever equals 64….its never going to becomes 59 or anything else …..

And that works in so many areas of LIFE.  It bring certaintys, and as humans we all thrive on certainty.

But when it comes to YOU, to how you function, what you are capable of, what you need to understand that resonates with you and your soul, your path, you have (innocently) abdicated responsibility to others to solve the ‘problems’ of YOU, when they can only really solve the ‘problems’ of them…..

Does that make sense?

And you don’t even realise you have done it!  You are simply following the pattern of learning you were taught as a child.

However, you are not a child any longer, and now, if you are reading this, your Happiness, your Health and your HEALING may well depend on you starting to question everything you learn.

That is literally what I did, and I believe that if I hadn’t stopped looking to any other source for the answers to the ‘problem’ of me, than me, I would be dead, my life exhausted by trying to do what didn’t / couldn’t work for me, or still living the half life existence I felt completely trapped in.

I’m not suggesting that you ignore all the resources out there – I didn’t ignore what I learnt, but I didn’t accept it as the only truth, the only way, and instead I checked in with myself before I accepted it as MY truth, and if it didn’t resonate, asked myself with gentle curiosity, “What else might be true?”

I started to investigate me….I became the Super Sleuth of Sonia.

 

I still read, watched the resources available and then questioned them in the context of me, of my world, of what I had believed to be true, and again, what if something else was true, and what might that be?….

I was honest in my answers, accepted full responsibility for owning my choices and understanding why I made them at times, and not at others, and this created a whole new bank of information about ME, that was true. 

And, as I recognised the truth of my learnings (wisdom),  from there I had no fear, just curiosity, and I was able to act differently.

I stopped relying on anyone else to heal me from my drinking, eating, self-despair.  That is not to say I didn’t lean into the knowledge to support my LIFE changes, but I didn’t at any time expect to read my truth in any book.

That is my truth when I started my LIFE changes, and it is my truth still today.

And in case you fear what you might learn about you, here is another truth of mine, and yours.

I have learnt nothing about me, who I am, my needs or how to deliver them that have hurt me in anyway.

What I have learnt about me, especially in the areas of which I was hurt, is not that there is anything wrong with me, but that at some points in my life, the little girl I was, became confused and felt unsafe in the world around me and in the people I trusted, and I became trapped in the moment and stayed there.

And what did I do each time I found her?  I simply picked her up in my emotional arms, took her to my heart, poured the love and compassion that heals all wounds and integrated her safely back into the heart of the woman I have become.

This is how I changed my LIFE, by becoming me.

By accepting where I was and moving forward from there on my path.  By forgiving myself and others, by abandoning judgement of myself and others, by delivering compassion and love to myself and others.

That is the the ‘secret’ recipe to Happiness, to Health and to HEALING – it is never found in any book, it always found in you!

By knowing, accepting, taking responsibility for and loving YOU, your way.

I hope this gives you inspiration to start to look within as well as without to change your LIFE. 

The without holds very valuable information that can lead you gently within, when you question and check in with YOU.

If you need any help finding your best LIFE, for finding your Happiness, Health & Healing, contact me HERE and lets’ talk. 

You are a joy, LIFE is a joy, you just to re-connect with you.

Be kind and gentle with yourself.

Sonia x

The TRUTH about CHANGE & HEALING

The TRUTH about CHANGE & HEALING

Two weeks ago I was sitting by a pool, looking out over the harbour, in a space of peace, calm and happiness that had very little to with the location, but were simply enhanced by its beauty.  

My thoughts were drifting past me, no energy attached to them, until two questions did catch my attention, they were;

“How did I change from who I thought I was, into who I am now?”

“When did I change?”

Strange questions, and I don’t know why they came up, but as I have learnt to do, I let them settle and started to reflect on my LIFE’s journey.

To gently look for the answers to questions I hadn’t previously thought were important, but now I wanted to know, and, as with all gentle, non-judgmental reflection, the answers came flooding in.

I want to share with you what I now understand, in the hope that my reflections give you greater insight into the truth about change and empower you to make the LIFE changes you deserve.

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first. As you may know, I struggled with out-of-control drinking for almost 30 years, and the price of my struggle was sky high. 

It felt as though the loss of self-respect, self-esteem, truth and faith in myself (to name a few ‘losses’), wore a hole in my heart.  And I believe my actions wore a hole in my son’s heart too.

I also believe that both those holes have healed through my change of behaviour, honesty, love, compassion and forgiveness.  So I will not dwell on those any longer.

Changing my drinking was a massive shift for me, and from that one shift, that one understanding about MYSELF, not alcohol, that hadn’t existed before, I became what others have called, inspirational, brave, strong…..none of which is true, I just understood the nature of change, and in that understanding I found the keys to profound, easy change, which are;

Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST

Let me break it down further.

Clarity gave me both greater and new Understanding and the willingness to understand that there was more to learn beyond what I had always accepted as true.

Understanding gave me new Confidence to explore other ways of thinking.

Confidence made me feel Safe to accept wisdom instead of just knowledge.

Safety allowed me to TRUST

To Trust in myself and my ability to follow through on my decisions in a way I hadn’t done before, to not drink without fear or stress.

With these in place, I couldn’t fail, and I didn’t fail.

But my drinking wasn’t the only part of me that Changed and Healed.

In the past I had really struggled with jealousy, resentment, a smallness of mind, and anger, emotions that I was ashamed of then, and embarrassed to write now. I had also felt unworthy and dishonest.

And I really disliked those aspects of myself, but had also, with great sadness, accepted as part of who I was.  Part of my makeup.

I had tried many times to rationalise with the good kind, loving woman I also am, to try to understand the roots of these painful emotions, so that I could let them go, and to be honest, had gotten nowhere.

But now they are no longer there, and I wasn’t even aware that I never, ever experience any of them, or even when I stopped experiencing them! 

I only realised as I sat by the pool, that I had profoundly changed in ways I hadn’t even noticed. That in going through the process of change above, I had found myself again.

And in finding myself again, I had reconnected with who I truly am, and that the negative parts of who I thought were me, were only able to flourish in my lack of understanding and accepting who I am, and delivering the compassion and love to myself, that heals all hurts.

There are still many, many things I don’t know about myself, but I do know this, and it applies to each and everyone of you too.

No matter where you are, or where you have been, ONE change and healing in your LIFE, has the power to change and heal every area of your LIFE.

I also know that the process of change and healing is the same regardless of where you feel trapped, paralysed, lost, confused, isolated and fearful.

But to live the change you want, it is so, so important that you don’t focus on the ‘what you do’ of the change you long for, the way you drink/eat/people please/over give/under self-care….by focusing on what you DO, you are missing all the signs and signals that allow for easy change and healing, when the focus only needs to be who you are BEING to YOU, when you DO them. ..   Does that make sense?

Here is a truth that you might find hard to accept, as it asks you to take responsibility and act. It is your truth and mine.

Change is a process, a simple process, that is not hard, it is new

Easy change comes from a new way of thinking, feeling and acting.  That’s it.  That’s all.

But because you can’t ‘see’ the process, it seems hard, and you question yourself

  • Where do I start?
  • What do I do?
  • Will it last?
  • Will I be safe?
  • Can I trust this / me?

And in those questions, there are no answers that offer you the vital ingredients to change,

Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST

And so the change you long for, you dream of, stays a mysterious, out-of-your-reach miracle, that you hope and pray for, but never arrives.

But when you have Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST, you don’t even need to know every step before it unfolds.

You simply take the steps over and over again, as you walk down the path of what change truly is, a wonderful journey of self-discovery, where you realise that no part of you is painful, or bad, or unworthy, or wrong or anything else you might have learnt to believe is true of you, and in doing so, you HEAL.

Where you fully accept who you are, what your dreams are, and your deservedness to have them all.

Again, Change is not hard, it is new.

It’s like learning to drive with an instructor, practising, and then having the freedom to go where you choose.

Don’t overthink change. Don’t add extra layers of stress that will halt change, instead, breath, relax your mind, tell yourself how proud you are of YOU, and in that energy, keep taking the next best step for you.

Are you ready for profound, deep down, long last Change and the HEALING that comes with it?

If you are, lets talk (you can contact me HERE)

And always and forever

Be kind and gentle with you

Sonia x

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