Changing My Drinking was Only the START of Changing my LIFE……

Jun 13, 2022

If you are feeling fearful and confused about changing your drinking, about how hard it will be, how you will cope/relax/fit in without a drink, then this is a must read.

Changing my drinking changed my LIFE, and that one sudden, seemingly miraculous, when I believed all hope was lost, profound, change has been the greatest source of true soul happiness, to both myself and my son.

But the truth is, changing my drinking was just the start of a journey that has transformed my LIFE.

It was the starting point of a magical path of self-discovery that finally took me out of the Pain of my past, Fear of my future, Stress, Exhaustion, and into the Peace that ONLY comes from being back at Home.

The only Home I had ever needed, the Home I had spent my life grieving over the loss of, without even knowing it, the Home that is ME. 

This is the Home that is my heart centre, my centre of Connection, Peace, Balance and LOVE.

The Home where Acceptance, Forgiveness, Compassion and LOVE flourish unendingly, the place where I rest in Peace in this LIFE, regardless of the situations or circumstances such as loss, unkindness, personal injustice, the normal stuff we all go, though, comes my way.   

I have found a new way of living, that is as old as time, that I didn’t even know it existed, yet is the truth of LIFE, and that was that I now recognize, and embrace, what I have learnt to call the ‘Gifts of Grace’.

To me, Grace is the ability to move through LIFE ‘smoothly’, in Flow. 

Grace is having the quiet inner strength, the resilience to deal with LIFE without ‘toughness’, with no need to raise my voice, or to try to force anyone of any situation to fit into my world view.

Grace is honouring myself for who I am, and giving myself permission to forgive my mistakes and move on in LOVE and PEACE.

Grace offers Relief and Comfort and allows me to act with loving Self-Care.

And Grace has many elements to it. It is as multi-faceted gift as a beautiful diamond, and each element shines brightly on your soul, exactly when you need it most, offering support and Peace.

The Gifts of Grace that have changed my LIFE are of Acceptance, Forgiveness, Compassion and Love, first and foremost for myself, which naturally spills out into every area of my LIFE, and are showered on everyone who is precious to me.

These are the Gifts of Grace (among many others), through which I now see the world. 

These are the Gifts of Grace that are my LIFE filters, and my decision makers. 

These are the Gifts of Grace that I cherish, and that cherish me, and these have allowed me to make true Peace with my past and feel excitement for a future I cannot know.

I think the greatest Gifts of these Graces, is that they have allowed me to Let Go of all the things I had innocently learnt to believe about myself that hurt me, and held me back from making better choices, that stopped me finding the LOVE I deserve, from expressing my creativity, from living and breathing in my own, perfect for me, shape, and from living my one far too short, (no matter how many years I have), LIFE in the JOY that is my birth right.

I know it will be the same for you too.

I know changing your drinking isn’t hard.

I know changing your drinking will bring you happiness, peace of mind, confidence, freedom, self-respect and improve every relationship that matters to you.

I know changing your drinking will change your view of yourself and your LIFE, easily and naturally.

You may not drink the way I did (I bloody hope you don’t, no-one should live the way I did, in pain every day, feeling lesser on every level), but the other pains I see clients struggling with, the Stress, Overwhelm, Anxiety and Fears all rob them of their Peace and Joy of LIFE, and they all come from the same place, the lack of connection with their Home space.  It is the same for you too.

Living disconnected from who you truly are, the wonderous, miracle of you, is the greatest pain in LIFE.

To be lost and searching for something, anything, to make you feel better, often in the world of ‘stuff’, material stuff, clothes, cars, holidays, the big house, the big job, the success you think will make you ‘feel better’, can never create the Peace and Happiness you crave, because it isn’t found there.

And of course, the world of ‘stuff’ is wonderful.  At times in my LIFE, I have been both financially desperate and privileged.

And of course being privileged brings a level of ease and comfort that I would be stupid to deny isn’t completely wonderful, but without the connection of myself I now have, it never, ever gave me what the Peace and Joy I treasure. 

Stuff alone cannot bring JOY, maybe you know that in your own LIFE. Maybe you have a level of ease and comfort that others can only dream of, and still you feel empty.

That’s because Stuff does not, cannot, in any way truly compensate for the void within, the aching sense of something missing, that cannot be filled or dislodged, by any external experiences or factors, not even truly loving, supportive relationships, or the love of our children (external loves).

And on some level, you know that, because if ‘external love’ could change the way you felt and acted, my God it would.

The truth is, without the LOVE of you that comes only from YOU, without the Acceptance, Forgiveness and Compassion that comes from knowing you, supporting you and cherishing you, by YOU, you will often be bought to your emotional knees when LIFE hits you harder.

• Instead of making the BEST choices for YOU, you will often make poorer, sadder choices
• Instead of having HEALTHY, Loving Relationships, you will often accept behaviours that hurt you
• Instead of using your natural talents, listening to your SOUL and trusting the messages your INTUITION sends you, you will often not have the career, the health, the relationships of your dreams
• Instead of having healthy BOUNDARIES, that you express with confidence and ease, you will often try to do more than you can cope with
• Instead of living in your perfect-for-YOU emotional size and shape, you will often try to be different to who you truly are, to struggle to breathe and live in someone else’s shape, which can never fit you.

And you will always and forever feel the loss of your greatness, your wonder and the Joy and Peace of living the LIFE that you deserve.

Being back in your Home space is ALL that you need to change your LIFE. 

Safe in that space of LOVE, everything is easier, everything flows naturally, you are no longer dashed against the cold, hard, unforgiving rocks of the Beliefs you hold about you and what you deserve, that hold you back, that hurt your heart, when you try to have more in LIFE.

Instead, from that place of LOVE, those Beliefs soften, they move, they dissolve, allowing you to take another step towards the LIFE you dream of and deserve.

This is my truth.  It is your truth too.

Read this again if you have to.  Let my words land and settle, they can only land in a good place.  They can only bring your comfort and support.

If you are struggling with any area of LIFE, with what you Drink, Eat, Shop, or with Relationships, Health, Career of Money worried that keep you away at night, I can help you, you just need to reach out HERE. 

And know, that no matter where you are in Pain now, or how long you have felt trapped, freedom and Peace is within you all the time. 

Your LIFE and the way you live it may well feel very complicated, but you are not complicated in design, and what works in one area of LIFE works in every area, you are simply not used to thinking that way, but it is the truth.

Finally, always, and forever, be kind and gentle with YOU.

Sonia

PS. If you would like to know more more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”, wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.

MEDITATION, the Simple KEY to Profound CHANGE

Jun 9, 2022

How often to you take daily time out just for you?

Not a break in your day to put the washing on, clear the kitchen and all the other LIFE stuff that has to be done, time out for YOU.

Daily time for YOU, to sit, breathe, let your mind wander away from the Pain and tangle of your To Do lists, the worry over rising costs, your relationship concerns, the way you Drink / Eat / Shop, your Fears for your future, your sadness and regrets over your past, and back into Peace?

Do you even know how to switch off, to create a PAUSE, to still your mind, to calm your heart, to comfort YOU?

I am going to tell you something now about what I do daily, that I would have laughed at in my drinking years, in my struggle, my anxiety, my fears and shame, and yet it is one of the simplest spiritual practices that has had the most profound affect on my LIFE, on the Peace of my LIFE, on the CHOICES that I make, on the way I think and feel about every area of my LIFE, and that is that I MEDITATE.

I used to view Meditation as whoo whoo stuff, that I didn’t have time for.  I had huge resistance to anything ‘spiritual’…..It didn’t make any sense to me.

I wanted to change my LIFE, to stop ‘doing’ the things that hurt me, that hurt my son, I wanted to change what I was ‘doing’, so focused more on trying to stop my ‘doing’, my areas of Pain, oblivious to the simple fact that I was looking in the wrong direction for Peace, that I needed to focus gently on how I was ‘Being’ and to change that….

I didn’t understand why anyone would Meditate, and I thought those that did, were already in a space of calm and Peace, that I could never step into. 

When the truth is, Mediation creates that calm and Peace. 

A calm and Peace that even on the most stressful of days, offers true comfort and support as well as the clarity to make better choices you simply cannot see in the darkness of your Pain.

I can’t tell you when I started to Meditate, or when it became part of my daily Morning Routine, it seems like it has been forever, but I can tell you why it works, and the reason even the simplest of Meditations can enable profound change, easily.

Taking the time so PAUSE, and to take the conscious decision to slow your breathing down, to take deep, long, slow breathes, instantly takes you out of stress, and into calm….if you don’t believe me, just try it right now. And before you think, “I don’t have time”, remember, you are going to breathe anyway, so consciously CHOOSE how you breathe.  

Now in that state of calm, focus on a single thought that serves you, that makes you happy, that fills you with joy, if joy is what you want to feel, or peace, or relaxation, and notice how your whole being shifts out of the thoughts that haunt you in your struggle, and the feelings those thoughts create, this is called the Meditative State.  This is the state of true relaxation and calm.

So, Meditation calms your mind, it quietens your critical voice, it loosens the knots of your thinking….it allows you to expand out of your contracted thoughts and feelings, the ones that cause you distress, and in the expansion, allows you to see and feel other possibilities, opportunities which do serve you better, in every area of your LIFE.

I now use guided Meditations, that I create myself, for when I am stuck in any area of LIFE.

I write a loving script, record it on my phone, and play it whilst I meditate.

I take myself into the space of calm, and ask a question about what do do next, and let the answer come to me.

It always does, sometimes a one word answer, sometimes, if its to do with my LIFE Recovery Coaching practice, I get an intuitive download. One thing is certain, when I ask anything in my meditation, I always get the answer that serves me best (often one I don’t ‘see’ outside of my Mediation), because I have quietened my critical mind chatter……it will be the same for you too.

If you took 5 minutes to meditate before you picked up your glass of wine in the evening, you will end your conflicting inner voices, and your feelings of cravings/need a drink will disappear. 

It is exactly the same with food, with stress, with struggle, with overwhelm, with anxiety, with any worry you have that you are fighting with.

  Why?

Because you act on how you feel in the moment, not in how you want to feel the next day…..please read that again and let it settle.

So, when you take the time to make yourself truly feel better in the moment, by simple Meditation, you act differently, effortlessly.

And of course Mediation cannot change the situation / circumstance, but it can and will change your thinking perspective of your distress, which changes the way you feel, which again, allows you to act differently. LIFE can actually be very simple.

Just 10 minutes at a time of day that works best for you (I prefer the morning as it resets me for my day, you may be different), of Meditation, will bring you Peace, it will release Stress, Anxiety and Overwhelm, it will change the way you Drink / Eat / Shop. and it will bring Clarity to whatever your struggle is, as well as different opportunities/possibilities as to the next best step for YOU.  

You can’t get Meditation ‘wrong’.  You don’t need a Yoga mat, a pose, any special clothing or candles, you simply need to be in a quiet space where you can sit, or lie, comfortably. I often now meditate as I walk, keeping my eyes open, I let my mind drift away.

And in the early days, thoughts may well pop into your mind, and all you have to do is view them as clouds that drift on by.  That’s all your thoughts are anyway until you ‘buy’ in to them. 

Don’t overthink your Mediation (not even the timing, simply set an alarm for up to 10 minutes on your phone), and enjoy the time and space you gift yourself, as well as the sense of Peace, expansion and relaxation that will flow over you, and then go about your day, safe in your knowledge that you can, at any time, take yourself out of whatever is causing you Pain, and go back into Peace

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia

PS. I have created a beautiful FREE guided ANXIETY MEDIATION to support you in finding freedom from your Pain, and to take you back into Peace, if you would like a copy, contact me (HERE) and put YES in the Subject line x

Top Tip for Self-Care to Change Your LIFE, Effortlessly

Jun 6, 2022

How is LIFE for you right now?  And yesterday, and last week, last month?

And how do you see your LIFE going forward to tomorrow, next week, next month?

• Do you feel at Peace with who you are and the Choices that you make?
• Do you even know what the next best step is for YOU, and have the confidence to take it?
• Or do you have no idea what to do, or where to start to take you to living your BEST LIFE?

 

The bottom line is, do you feel Stressed, Overwhelmed, Anxious and out of control of the situations LIFE throws at you?

And what do you DO to help yourself, to make yourself feel better able to cope?

Are you one of the good, kind, loving people who are finding yourself increasingly drawn to the non-comforts of Drinking too much, Eating too much, Spending too much, to give you some temporary relief, to give you some calm, some relaxation, some happiness?

Except the result is you feel LESS calm, less relaxed and more unhappy….sadly, as you know, what you do makes you feel worse, not better.

What you DO, makes you feel LESS of who you really are, and more of who you have started to fear/believe you always will be…

• The you who will always struggle daily to ‘deny’ yourself the evening wine you love to hate.
• The food you love in the moment and the weight gain you hate.
• The new clothes/shoes you have to have in the moment, and then never wear.
• The YOU who snaps, is irritable, exhausted, when you want to be loving, present and calm

 

I have said this many times, and I will repeat it forever, because it is the TRUTH for anyone who struggles to change what they DO that then causes immense Pain.

You ONLY Drink / Eat / Spend in a way that makes you so unhappy to make yourself feel better, (whatever ‘better’ is in the moment, even just to shut down your damn ‘I will/I won’t’ mind battle up!), and then you don’t feel better, you feel worse, sadder, weaker, a failure, and you have learnt to accept that version of you, as you.

But it is NOT YOU, and it never will be.

The you who never craves a Drink, who doesn’t over Eat rubbish, who never Spends (wastes) your much needed money,  is within you all the time, she cannot leave you, she loves you too much and SHE is your truest YOU.

It is living in the Pain of NOT being your TRUE SELF that is your greatest pain in LIFE, and alcohol / food / spending….your know your ‘poison’, have become the sticking plaster that can never stick, that you have learnt to use, in your attempts to find Peace and Freedom from that PAIN.

You can never get enough of what you do not need.

 You can never Drink / Eat / Buy anything that will take away your pain, stress, exhaustion, or that will comfort your lack of communication, comfort or LOVE, and on some levels you do know that…..otherwise you wouldn’t be fighting so hard and for so long……

And yet in your innocent lack of  awareness of the true nature of your ‘problems’ with alcohol / food etc,  in your lack of understanding your true cravings (never an external substance, always an inner lack), you focus on the fix that doesn’t fix and continue to Drink/ Eat / Spend in your state of loss.

There are literally NO mysteries around why you DO what you do, and NO mysteries as to how to change it, effortlessly, and it never starts with looking at what you DO (Drink/Eat/Shop/People Please, Take on too much, etc), but instead, who you are BEING to YOU.

To finally find peace and freedom from the LIFE you despair of, you must give up on the old tried and ‘failed’ methods of change that have failed you so far, and embrace an empowering new perspective and simple strategies that gift you back YOU, the essence of YOU that is your greatest ally, who knows instinctively how to care for you, because believe me when you are back in that safe, loving space, the way you Drink / Food / Treat yourself changes naturally, and that is why change this way is effortless.

So, the quickest and easiest way to regain your Peace and Freedom and to BE YOU, is through daily acts of Self-Care…to get you started, here’s my Top Tip for Self-Care. 

Its very simple tip, and can be applied to every area of your LIFE where you are in Pain, in Struggle, Overwhelm, Anxiety or Stress

 

“When Life Speeds Up, You SLOW Down!”

 

And let me be clear here, slowing down doesn’t mean not getting things done.

 Slowing Down means taking a PAUSE, even for just a few minutes, to breathe deeply, calibrate what is going on both in your inner and outer world (situations), and only then ‘doing’.

 Your cravings for anything come from the disquiet within you, the nagging anxieties of being uncomfortable and unsure, both within and without, and just that simple PAUSE, gifts you the space to adjust, to see from LIFE from a different perspective, to allow opportunities and possibilities to show themselves which are ALWAYS hidden when you are in Pain, and for you to re-settle back into the balance and trust of you that brings real, long lasting Peace.

 

Keep your life simple, in every way, whenever life speeds up, slow YOU right down, just with a PAUSE and a few deep breathes,  and you will notice that your Stress, Anxiety and Overwhelm, as well as your ‘desire’ for Alcohol / Food etc, diminishes as you do so.

 Be kind and gentle with yourself.

 

Sonia x

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