Jan 11, 2021
Dry January is the one month of the year where people are most committed to changing their drinking.
It’s a recognized 31 days alcohol break, where your friends and family are on board with your changes, cheering you on, removing temptation, joining you in your health and well being reset, and for all of those reasons (the main one being it has an expiry date), staying sober isn’t so much of a stress, more of an uplifting challenge with many participants in your own circle. An excellent foundation from which to achieve your sober days.
However, recent statistics show that by 5th January, 2.7 million had abandoned their Dry January alcohol reset!
2.7 million who were worried about their drinking and wanted to have a break, or make life long changes, have ‘given up’ by day 5!
Are you one of them? And if you are, what is different this January to previous ones where you sailed (ish) through the 31 days?
Does that sound like a question only a hermit could possibly ask? Someone who has lived in a cave for the last 13 months, cut off from any sort of world news?
Is that question even slightly insulting to you? Don’t I know what you are going through?
Life has become unpredictable (again).
You are in the 3rd Lockdown, COVID rates are soaring, hospitals are overflowing, schools are closed, you are(again), cut off from the physical contact and connection with your loves you crave, and that’s without all the normal feel good experiences of shopping, cinema, gyms, coffee shops etc all closed down too.
Of course you are drinking more, what else is there to comfort you, to bring you some sense of peace and calm in this turbulent Groundhog Day time? You are in more need of a drink, not less.
I get that, I really do, I get that you are in more need of comfort, support, certainty, joy, peace and calm.
I get that you are in more need of companionship, connection, of ‘feeling better’.
And I know, in exactly the same way you do, that alcohol, does not, will not, CANNOT deliver any of the above, in fact it TAKES you further from them.
When times get harder, we tend to look for answers/comfort from the OUTSIDE world, and at the moment, the outside world is the problem, with Alcohol being a very large part of that outside world.
My intention and role as the Recovery Coach is to empower and support you, to bring you new awareness’s that allow for painless change, and here is an absolute truth that when you take it on board, will truly help you.
What you need to do, what you MUST do, to protect yourself, your health, your wellbeing, is to look INSIDE for the answers.
Inside YOU – the place where ALL the answers, the solutions, the comfort to every question, fear, anxiety and concern are, just waiting for you to access them.
Good Times pass as well as Bad Times, and when you look within in times of stress, and lean into your resourcefulness, you will re-balance and come back to you – the sober, relaxed you who isn’t looking for, does’t need an Outside world comfort.
You cannot change this situation at all. However you can change your PERCEPTION, your perspective of the situation, and by making the #Choice to shift your perspective, you are able to take a deep breath, have a different conversation with yourself, and the to easily deliver the comfort you are looking for.
The world doesn’t change, YOU do. Alcohol doesn’t change, YOU do, & when YOU change your perspective on the world around you, MIRACLES happen, fear and anxiety shift, & Alcohol becomes the take-it-or-leave it, occasional treat you want it to be.
Here’s some powerfully effective TIPS to support you gently shift your PERSPECTIVE
- When you go into fear for a future you cannot know, go back to deep breathing, breath in for 7 out for 11 (the exhale is longer), this will bring you back from the future and into NOW – This is absolute truth.
This is a very powerful awareness – You cannot be anxious/fearful and be breathing deeply at the same time. It is a biological impossibility.
- When you fear loss, go into profound #Gratitude for having what you fear losing
- When you feel alone, be thankful for the time to slow down, and then make plans to re-connect via phone, Zoom, whatever works for you.
Whatever you are experiencing right now, your chosen perspective of your experience determines your need for comfort. Now sit with yourself quietly and explore, without judgement, what else you can shift to keep you safe
Then #Choose a PERSPECTIVE that delivers the comfort, peace, love and JOY, you lack and your need for a drink will disappear effortlessly. I promise you.
I have learnt so much from my own recent frightening COVID experience, which has been a gift to me, my life and my work with you.
Please take a look at my Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method page to understand more of my unique understanding and PERSPECTIVE on the role you have created for alcohol in your life and why it seems so hard to change.
Even if you choose to continue in your struggle for the next few weeks, months, please God not, years, you will get insight from my words there.
Be kind and gentle with yourself.
Sonia
PS. If NOW is your time to change your drinking, effortlessly, here’s a Testimonial from a recent client who found changing her drinking easy and a joy. This is what’s waiting for you too.
“This has been the most powerful and enlightening process. My drinking changed in the first week, from a bottle and a half a night to nothing, and then a couple at the weekend which is what I wanted but thought I couldn’t have.
I feel so proud of myself and know that this is for life. I accept and forgive myself and my past wounds. I feel liberated and free and I feel me. This was so much more than a quit drinking program, of course it was because alcohol was not the problem. I will be telling everyone about you”
Here’s the link to my unique 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method page, in case you missed it earlier.
If my writing resonates with you, together we can change your drinking for life.
The only hard part of change is reaching out, so just hit reply and I will take you from there.
Finally, if you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
Dec 28, 2020
I hope your Christmas was peaceful and loving – it is very likely that it was much quieter than planned, but with love and appreciation for who/what you have in life, and even if you couldn’t physically see and touch your loves, it is still a very special time of year to celebrate the wonders of love and LIFE ❤
I wrote the rest of this blog last year after a brutal brush with COVID, and as I re-read it earlier this month, I realized it is as relevant this year as it was on the day I wrote it……..
Happy Christmas lovely! I can say with the most profound gratitude that my smaller, quieter Christmas was magical ❤
Whilst there are no wrapped presents for me, there was the only gift I wanted, the one I longed for most, and one that I will never tire of receiving, but that’s for a little later in this blog…….
As you may know, I struggled badly with COVID in the run up to Christmas, so all my shopping plans – even online – went out the window as I focused on being able to breathe.
And I wasn’t too bothered. I knew my quarantine ended on 23rd so I could get the basics done, except on the 23rd I still wasn’t well enough to leave the house, and there was no-where to go as I live in Tier 4……Ho Hum…….
So, Christmas morning I exchanged with my son the few gifts I had already bought him, and he, having also been ill, gave me all he had, a Christmas card.
Now I don’t know about you, but I LOVE thoughtful cards, and although I know he felt (temporarily) a bit bad and apologetic, he really didn’t need to because, not only were we both so relieved to be recovering, but even more precious to me were the simple, honest, loving words my Christopher wrote in my card, that bought me to tears again this morning as I hugged it tight.
Here’s what he wrote,
“Happy Christmas to the best mum I could ever want. I know I am the most important person in your world, and you are the most important person in mine. I love you and I am proud of you every day. My super special, mad, lovely MUM”
Can you imagine how I felt to read these words? There is nothing Christopher, or anyone could have given me that means more to me than this.
No physical gift will ever match the gift of this, of his FORGIVENESS of a childhood he should never have experienced due to my drinking, and the FORGIVENESS of me, to me, for the poor, struggling, lost woman I was.
Christopher sees, feels, hears and knows in his soul (as do I), that the woman I was then, was not the ‘real me’, but a lost me, struggling to find a path in life I could walk, but stumbling over the alcohol bottles that I allowed to litter my way, in my beliefs that I was not good enough, in my fears and beliefs around how hard changing my drinking would be and my fears about how I would cope if by some miracle, I could change the way I drank.
My focus was always that I was weak and alcohol was strong. That I was a failure and alcohol was a winner. How wrong I was……….
My son also knows that,
I never meant to hurt or neglect him, he is my heartbeat, and that
I never meant to hurt or neglect me.
I didn’t drink like a woman possessed by any alcohol demon because I didn’t care, because I didn’t love – I, like you, probably love too much.
I drank in a way that hurt us both because I didn’t know how to STOP.
I thought I was battling alcohol, but I wasn’t, I was battling ME, abusing me, threatening me, begging me to change, being disappointed and hating me, not alcohol – it was all my misunderstanding, my confusion, my loss of me, that I tried to comfort with alcohol, and by trying to stay away from, or even change, alcohol, I was denying myself the only ‘comfort’ I had. It is the same for you too.
I know now, with the profound gratitude I lean into every day, so, so differently. I know, accept and embrace who I am and I, again, like you, are always, always enough for me and for those who love me.
The FORGIVENESS and the love in my son’s card, are a reflection of the forgiveness and love I hold for ME, and that FORGIVENESS is the greatest gift, as it powers me forward in life, it releases hurt, lets go of anger and lets in LOVE. I wish the same gift for you too.
So my Christmas has been exactly what I wanted it to be, topped off by Christopher making the most amazing Christmas Dinner all by himself, and we sitting stuffing our faces with Mince Pies laughing at the Vicar of Dibley Christmas special.
This Christmas was special, and every sober day is special too.
Please let 2020 be the very last year you struggle to change your drinking. It is NOT hard, I promise you
Changing your drinking changes every area of your life. It is a miraculous transformation from loss and pain to peace and freedom.
Here’s a message I got just yesterday from a relieved client (there’s more on my Testimonials page).
“This is my FIRST sober Christmas in 15 years….I had 2 glasses of champagne on Christmas Day, and another glass on a family Zoom party, Boxing Day…..my family are so proud of me and I am so proud of me…….this is the life I dreamed of……thank you Sonia”
It doesn’t’ matter where you are now, or how long you have been there, the life you are searching for is within you all the time, you just don’t know how to access it. I do.
If now is your time to change, to put you first, to gift yourself the ease, peace and freedom you deserve, take a look at my completely unique, soul and life expanding 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method page, and and reach out to me, TODAY.
That first email is the only hard part of change, I PROMISE YOU ❤
Be kind and gentle with yourself
Sonia xx
PS If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
Dec 6, 2020
Christmas is just around the corner, has the excitement, (and the pressure), started to build?
There has been so much uncertainity this year, so much joy has been lost, and you want to make everything ‘perfect’ for your loves.
You do more, you add more to your already busy lives and all with the intention of showing the deep love that is who you truly are and the magic you are made of.
And in wanting to shower your loves with the best you have, you put more pressure on yourself and in doing so, your drinking can quickly slip from the jolly, celebratory glass or two you planned to stick with, and become the wrecking ball of your longed for perfect, loving Christmas.
For those of you who know me, you know that I don’t focus on alcohol as being the problem to be resolved when you change your drinking.
Why? Because I know that you drink in a way you don’t like to comfort yourself, so changing your drinking is NEVER about counting units, mindful drinking apps, and all the rest. If they work for you great, however they focus very much on ‘controlling’ your need for comfort.
So what does work? Its simple.
It’s not about how to stop drinking after a few glasses, but to address your need for comfort so that you don’t crave a drink, and to do this, my Top Tip for a safe, peaceful, Sober Christmas (as in not drunk, but still enjoying a tipple), is Parent Yourself!
To know how to protect, nurture and comfort is one of your greatest instinctive gifts, yet my clients often say that the don’t know how to offer comfort to themselves. However they do know exactly what do when it comes to their children / partners, which is all the evidence needed that they do know what to do. How about you?
- Would you stand by and watch your child, no matter what their age, run themselves like a machine?
- Would you let them get up early and work themselves through the day shopping, cleaning, cooking, and all the rest, without imploring them to sit down, have a cup of tea and eat something?
- Would you stand by and watch their hurt faces on a bad day without asking them without absolute love, care and concern what was wrong, would they like a chat, can you offer them some support?
- Would you leave them collapsed and exhausted on the kitchen chair without the comfort of a moving them to a comfortable chair, wrapping them in a blanket, offering to run a bath, asking what they would like to watch, read, listen to.
- Would you watch them struggle without asking them what they need right now to feel better, to feel comforted?
And finally, would you sit your child down when you saw they were low, tired, fed up, upset and offer them a sneaky bottle of wine, telling them to slip into the kitchen to drink it so no-one else knows, and ignore every opportunity to comfort their true needs?
Of course you wouldn’t!!!
You would probably cry a the thought of them suffering or struggling, and yet for you, all that is fine, isn’t it………?
Parenting Yourself is the awareness and deliverance to you, by you, of what you are in need of, and it is ALL you need to do to release your ‘need’ for the comfort of a drink.
You only need to notice how you are feeling, to pause and lovingly ask yourself what you are in lacking, at any moment that your thinking turns to your ‘need’ for a drink, to comfort yourself, and then listen to your soul, to your heart.
The answer will always come, from that lonely, unloved, unheard voice within you, and when it does, you ACT on your answers. And if you can’t ACT on your answers in the moment, acknowledge them and promise to deliver later.
When you do deliver on your needs, you will feel yourself relax in the glow of love and care of you, by you, and your need for alcohol will simply disappear.
Here’ a few simple questions to ask lovingly of yourself, not just in the run up to Christmas, but everyday.
These questions will open the doors of the precious communication of you that is lacking right now.
Asking, without judgement, and listening to your heartfelt answers, will show you the gentle path to reducing your unhappy, lower feelings, your stress, and overwhelm, and in doing so, allow you to release your craving for a drink, effortlessly.
- What time do I need to go to bed to be MY BEST?
- What time do I need to get up to be MY BEST?
- What can I lovingly delegate today to be MY BEST?
- How can I make life easier today to be MY BEST?
- What can I let go of doing today to be MY BEST?
- How often do I need to rest today to be MY BEST?
- What do I need to eat today, and when, to be MY BEST?
Always, always remember that what is BEST for you, is BEST for everyone who matters to you.
A nurtured, nourished, acknowledged and delivered of your needs, you, is an expansive powerhouse of love and care for your family. A depleted, exhausted, unacknowledged of your needs you, drinks too much, regrets it, hates yourself, and so drinks more.
But I promise you, that when you take the time to know what you need, and deliver it, your drinking life transforms, literally.
You will begin to recognize, with absolute clarity when your alcohol need is at its strongest and when it is at its weakest, and you will also recognize it is ALL down to how you are feeling, and has NOTHING to do with alcohol. There is such a relief in that empowering knowledge.
Its not too late for you to enjoy your first Sober (not drunk, but enjoying a tipple) Christmas. This will be my 7th Sober Christmas and I know now what true Christmas joy is for me, and for those I love most.
If my thoughts on what your drinking really is, a way of offering yourself comfort (which is 100% the truth), then my unique 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method coaching process will intuitively transform your life.
Whilst there is a exact process to my work, it is a powerful, simple and insightful awareness’s of the truth around your drinking struggle, which you will recognize immediately, and then the simple letting go of all your drinking struggle and stress, using an exciting blend of neuro-science and practical strategies, it is never a one-size fits all approach.
You are your own size, so of course my work adapts to YOUR life, your needs, your desires. And individual though it is, this is the process that releases all your old beliefs around alcohol, about you and alcohol, about how hard it is to change your drinking, and so much more. It is a journey back to the connection of you that is only ever temporarily lost, and easily regained.
If my words resonate, I am offering a HUGE 50% discount to 10 clients in January, so if you are ready to commit, message me and let’s get you free to choose if and when you drink, free from your daily mind battle, free from cravings, trying to find willpower, and any fear of losing control.
And as always and forever, be kind and gentle with yourself
Sonia xx
PS. I love to share my clients joy at being free from their drinking pain and shame, so here’s a message I received recently. If you would like to see more, check out my TESTIMONIALS page
“I am so proud and happy in who I am, your process is amazing, I enjoy a glass of wine or two, sometimes even three and then I STOP, easily. I want to recommend you to EVERYONE. It is not a cost, it is my life”
Plus, as it is a 6 week process, you will get all the support you need at one of the most stressful times of the year, especially this year.
Finally, if you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
Nov 5, 2020
Did you drink more during the first Lockdown?
And how did the increase of alcohol serve you, physically, emotionally and financially?
Did the extra wine gift you the peace, security, ultimately the comfort, you were looking for?
Or did your drinking leave you haunted with the added weight of feelings of fear and despair because of your drinking?
And did you adjust your drinking down a couple of glasses, when life started to settle?
Or did it stay at the same level of self-comfort, even after life became more ‘normal’?
And finally, now that you are back in Lockdown again, how will this new phase affect you? Will you drink more wine (again), or less?
As with Lockdown Mark I, the sudden Lockdown Mark II, has allowed feelings of uncertainty to rush back into your life. Once again, you feel, at the very least, fed up of all the upheaval /restrictions, and, at worst anxious and fearful, and without any control.
You are Lockdown weary, we feel depleted and sorrowful.
You have already missed out on so many rites of passage, from births, birthday parties, anniversaries, graduations, weddings and on to funerals – they have all been limited in number, and limited in the joy and support you get from being with all your loves in one place, at one time.
You were ‘getting on with it’. You wear the mask that makes communication difficult, you socially distance, you have learnt how to fist bump in place of the huge, all enveloping, expressing love without words, hugs that allow you to connect, literally beating heart to beating heart, forgoing the kisses you love to shower on the faces of your loves when you unexpectedly meet. You have adjusted, coped and done your best. And yet here you are again.
And whilst Lockdown Mark II is not as restrictive as the first one, with the shorter, colder days, and not really having recovered back to any ‘normal’ you thrive in, this Lockdown has the potential to feel harder.
So, how are you thinking / feeling about this Lockdown, and what are you doing with those feelings, and how will you drink to comfort those feelings?
It’s really important to acknowledge that when fear and uncertainty rise up in life, that you must also raise your boundaries of self-care to protect and sustain you through the tougher, lower, sadder times.
What was enough, in terms of self-care to keep you in balance before, isn’t now, and whatever you do that keeps you in alignment, do more of.
You are the key to your inner peace, happiness and safety, and so you must lovingly accept and own your part in keeping your mood/energy in balance and alignment.
You cannot change any aspect of this situation, however you are the only person who CAN take responsibility for your THINKING around it by gently shifting your thoughts away from the fear and anxiety that takes you towards drinking (your need for comfort), and to re-frame your own thoughts in a direction that delivers you a level of peace and calm, and brings you back into alignment, which takes you away from your ‘need for comfort’ to drink.
You only drink in a way you don’t with the intention of making yourself ‘feel better’ – to find relaxation, quiet, peace, calm, balance etc, when the result is you feel worse.
You never drink to be less of the woman you truly are.
You never pick up your first glass of wine with the intention of becoming unkind, neglectful, disengaged and yet, more often than not, that is the result of your drinking
It is ‘feeling better’ in these anxious times that you need to focus on when you want to change your drinking, not focusing on trying to control/restrict alcohol!
You feel better, you don’t drink. You feel crap, anxious, fearful, uncertain, out of alignment, you do drink. It is that simple.
Below are some simple tips to consider adding to your self-care, and sense of wellbeing, that will help gift you back the feelings of love, joy, peace, calm and feeling of alignment you truly need to release your alcohol ‘craving’.
Tips for FAMILY TIME
- Plan movie nights, uplifting, fun films that you can snuggle up and watch together. Laugh and love together.
- Switch the lights off, make it cinema like, get popcorn, put in grab bowls, drinks with straws, even if it’s the same drinks, jazz the experience up. – it always the things that make the difference, so make them
- Download quizzes – they are available for all ages on the internet, pair up, or simply 1-2-1, again, make the small differences that make the difference, set your phone timer to answer them – set a crazy sound. Switch everything off around you.
- Read to the kids, and if you are too tired, use Audible and all of you listen to a magical book together, turn down the lights and create the sense of a different time, a different place, just for an hour or so.
Tips For YOU
- Use some of the above to create time for YOU.
- Lie in the bath with candles
- Listen to beautiful music on your headphones as you do the housework, let its 4th dimensional qualities flow through you and transport you – I do this even when cleaning the toilet and it works!
- Take yourself, and a cup of tea outside, even in the rain, for 5 minutes and breathe, long, slow, deep breaths that calm your over thinking, over feeling, uncertain, stressed and anxious mind and body.
- If you can, stand on grass and feel the connection to you and Mother Earth, ground yourself.
- Notice the colours and sounds of nature around you, gently focus on them. Notice how the leaves drift down, the rain falls the last migrating birds sing, watch and listen and you will find release and relief from the situations around you as you step back into the present moment
Mindset is key, and it needs to be pared with self-loving, supportive strategies that are in alignment with your desired mindset, so Plan Ahead!
Decide how you want to feel during your days – you never choose stress, anxiety, anger or panic, you want peace, calm, safety, then bring into your awareness the the thoughts that create those feelings.
I find the most powerful way to achieve this is to remember times when I felt my desired feeling, right now I want JOY, and when the desired feelings are strong, only then sit quietly and lovingly schedule your day.
We create from the state of being we are in, so planning your schedule from a state of peace, will reflect that peace, you won’t put in place what doesn’t serve you, or overwhelms you, however if you create your schedule from a place of anxiety, you may try to pack everything in, without thought or care for YOUR needs.
And my Number One, TOP, TOP TIP always is,
“When Life Speeds Up, You SLOW Down” doing this has absolutely has changed my life!
You don’t come to turn in the road you can’t see around, you don’t put your foot on the gas, you ease it off and you navigate slowly and carefully to protect yourself and your passengers.
It’s the same in life. You never know what is around any corner of life’s journey, not even 30 minutes ahead – that’s how quick life can change, so when a bend in the road is in front of you, even at the last moment, take your foot off the pedal, slow right down, PAUSE, take a couple of deep breathes as you look around you to assess the best, easiest, clearest, safest route that protects you and your loves, and when only when you are calm and clear, move forward.
When YOU take responsibility for delivering your simple, basic needs, you will realize that YOU are the comfort you are looking for and that YOU are your most powerful support, and then, your need for alcohol simply does not exist.
Be very kind and gentle with yourself.
Sonia x
I coach clients to effortless freedom from their alcohol pain, by acknowledging that alcohol is not the problem that needs to be focused on when you want to change your drinking, and instead shifting awareness to the true struggle with alcohol, which is your the feeling belief you have that it offers you something, some comfort, which you know on an intellectual level is completely untrue – hence the conflict within you.
My unique 1-2-1 6 week RAPID ALCOHOL RECOVERY METHOD process is a series of simple, awareness expanding mindset shifts, backed by simple strategies, such as the above, that allow you to build trust in YOU around alcohol – alcohol is not the problem that needs to be shifted, and those together gift you the true peace and freedom you deserve from your alcohol stress and pain. Here’s what one of my clients recently had to say,
“My bottle of wine (plus) a night drinking changed from WEEK ONE and I have never looked back! You will never know what a gift your and your process has been in my life and the investment has been the best money I have ever spent for me and my family xx”
PS. If you would like to see more of my clients success stories, check out my TESTIMONIALS page x
Finally, if you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
