Christmas is done, and 2020 is here. A new decade, another opportunity to make the changes you long for most – to stop pouring wine down your throat on a daily basis, and/or to kick your chocolate habit into touch for good this time. This time……..
You have made the decision that this is it. You are going to do it, you are going make it work, you are going to stick with it, for you, for your family, for your health, your relationships, your work – you know your reasons.
And how do you feel having made the decision to ‘STOP’?
Do you feel empowered and excited at the thought, or does your ‘stopping’ fill you with fear and dread?
And if it does fill you with fear or dread, why does it, when you know, on every intellectual level that these changes are potentially the most necessary of your life?
There can be many reasons why stopping/cutting down/cutting out your poison cause you distress, and when that distress is present, it makes your journey feel even harder. It is even harder, and here are the two, completely intertwined, reasons why.
First, Starting with the stopping is always the hardest way.
Second, You don’t know how to stop (obviously). If you did, you would have. I would have, 28 years ago, instead of these past 6 gloriously free ones!
I thought to be free, I just had to avoid the wine aisle, the pub, limit the social occasions, and at home, well that should be easy shouldn’t it? I would just not pick the glass up, simply not pick it up. Yet I did, every night, feeling hopeless and helpless.
The more energy and effort I put into my sober/binge eating quest, the more I knew that it was never going to happen, that I was never going to change, because I believed (understandably, based on my previous depressing experience), that I was an addict. That I was to weak, no willpower, not good enough, a failure – recognize your own thinking here?
I know now that none of those was true of me, or you.
And that the truth is simply that the hardest way of trying to change the way you eat and drink, is to try to stop the supposedly simply physical act of pouring your poison down your throat, because you only do what you do, with the intention of making yourself feel better.
It is not the result, but it is always the intention.
And behind that intention, there is a process you go through every single time you return to you poison.
It is the process of,
Thinking + Feeling = Re-acting – (re-acting being the stuffing of your face).
It is never, ever, any other way around.
Whilst you act on your feelings, your ‘cravings’, they are the second step of the process, the first one always being your thinking, which creates your feelings, which lead you to re-act.
Picking up the wine glass the slab of cake is only ever the end result of the thinking, feeling process, and it is your attempt to comfort that thinking, feeling storm.
This is an absolute truth.
Can you see now why starting with the stopping is so hard – is actually almost guaranteed to let you down, when you start with trying to stop at the end result of the process?
‘Stopping’ means you are left with your unhappier thinking, which creates the feelings, which you have to comfort. You just have to. Again, do you recognize yourself here?
When you attempt to stop delivering to yourself your, just for now, perceived comfort of food and alcohol, you are still left with the painful, confused thoughts and feelings, but without offering yourself any way of releasing them.
Your ‘failure’ is then pretty much guaranteed.
Now all of the above, is actually absolutely fantastic news, as one of the only things you have any control over is your thinking – the first step of the process.
Release your thinking, and there are no feelings, no cravings, there is no need to re-act. No need for comfort. It is as Halle-flippin’-lujah, simple as that!
When I suddenly shifted from mad drunk/binge eater, it happened in a ‘thinking’ instant. I didn’t know the what or the why and I didn’t care, it was more than enough to be free. Easily. I mean WTF!
I know now, understand and have the language and simple strategies to deliver that WTF moment to you.
Some of my clients have been to rehab more than once.
Some have had their marriages, relationships with children on the line.
Some have been close to losing their homes, their work.
And some have just had enough of feeling rubbish.
However, all who accept the above as being the truth of what the hell is going on in their inner world, have peaceful release – not control, control takes an energy you don’t always have, and most even drink / enjoy sweet treats occasionally without going back into freefall.
If 2020 is your year. If it is your time to step and make the commitment to you that will change your life, contact me today.
Nothing will change whilst you continue attempting to ‘start with the stopping’. It is just too damn hard.
My Recovery Coaching comes from a place of complete understanding of your struggle, as well as the compassion and skills I have gained on my own journey, and I now offer the joyful awareness and strategies that take you to release and back to the peace and balance you and your loves deserve in just 6 weeks.
After your first session you will have the relief of understanding of your pain, plus two simple, within you all the time strategies, to show you that everything I write is the reality of where you are now and why you are stuck – how empowering is that?
I deserved the gift of peaceful freedom. You do too.
Contact me here and we can arrange a complimentary, no obligation, chat to see the best way to peaceful release for you.
Love & respect