Feb 16, 2022
- How are you thinking about your drinking?
- How are you feeling about your drinking?
- How are you DRINKING?
- Is your mind free of the tension and stress of your daily thoughts around whether to drink or not tonight?
- Of trying to rationalise last nights drinking?
- Of not sure what else you can do tonight to relax without a glass or two?
And how do you feel in this place of inner struggle, a struggle that no-one else can see, but which makes you feel like crying in your confusion and helplessness?
The more you struggle to control what you do, drink, the stronger the urge for a drink is….do you recognise that?
But it is not alcohol that causes that struggle.
Your drinking is what you do when you ‘give in’, your drinking is what you do to end the struggle, but it is NOT the cause of it….it is not alcohol that takes you to the wine aisle, when you promised yourself wouldn’t go there again.
It is NOT alcohol that you lose control over, it is the FEAR that overwhelms, that you lose control over and the FEAR that you drink to COMFORT (and if alcohol is not your ‘poison’ of non-comfort, you will recognise this in the way you eat, overspend, hoard, gamble….the painful actions you take)
So, in the context of your drinking, what is the FEAR really?
FEAR is the sign that you have the belief that alcohol brings you something (it all falls under the umbrella term of ‘comfort’), and that you will be denying yourself ‘comfort’ when you need it most.
You don’t feel ‘deprived’ or ‘missing out’ of doing anything that you believe makes you feel better, comforts you.
It is FEAR, that is the foundation of your struggle to change your drinking. Nothing more, nothing less, and then you add to it the other fearful beliefs you hold around alcohol such as;
- The FEAR around the fact that you just don’t understand why you drink
- The FEAR of how hard change will be, and for how long it takes for the change to settle
- The FEAR of how you will cope, how you will fit in, how you will relax, how you will feel confident in situations, deal with certain people
- The FEAR of the memories of your past failures which makes the thought of trying again so much harder
- And a myriad of other FEARS that you might not be able to even identify.
Your drinking trap is FEAR, not alcohol
I can even tell you where your fear shows up in your body. Sit for a moment and ask yourself,
“How do I feel about not drinking?” and notice the location and sensation in your body.
It is always a FEAR based feeling, (you might label it unease, anxiety, loss) and it always shows up first in your gut, which is your centre of self-esteem, your centre of self.
It is the same for everyone.
Yes, it might then grow into the heavy sadness in your heart, the black cloud of confusion in your head, but it always, always starts in your gut when you think about trying to change your drinking
Your FEAR is the blackout blind that blocks you, that cuts you off from freedom, that closes down opportunities to see, think, feel and drink differently.
Let go of the FEAR, and change, any change is easy. NEW yes, hard NO. JOYFUL yes, stressful NO.
To make the changes you long for, and deserve, you MUST stop looking at the answers in alcohol.
You MUST stop using avoidance tactics, counting units, setting limits on ALCOHOL.
Why? Because all these do is keep the FEAR under control, until something changes in your life, and you have no awareness of what is going on inside, with no strategies to re-balance, and so your old drinking thinking comes up, you don’t understand why, and you start to feel the FEAR of your successes slipping away and you return to your old drinking to comfort yourself.
Please, please read that again and let it settle. It is the TRUTH.
If the methods of change you have tried before haven’t worked consistently, give up those methods.
Finally accept what you know to be true, because you have the evidence, that they don’t work!
Open your mind away from them and ask yourself,
” If this hasn’t worked for me before, why do I keep trying it?”
The answer is, you don’t believe there is another way….DROP that now.
Until you do, you will keep pushing your exhausted spirit in a direction it doesn’t want to go, and as you know, just doesn’t work…..
Here are some more truths, which is you accept them, will change your life, effortlessly, without FEAR
- Change is NOT hard
- Change is NOT stressful
- Change does not come with FEAR
- Change comes through learning something NEW
- Change comes from having strategies, practical and spiritual that you can lean into easily
- Change brings EXCITEMENT for a new future
- Changes delivers PEACE, FREEDOM and LIFE as it is meant to be lived.
My drinking didn’t change because I suddenly became stronger, it changed when I became WISER, when I looked in a different direction which allowed me to feel differently, to shift my FEAR and then to use simple strategies which have taken me back to me, to my center, to my heart to my trust, and it will be exactly the same for you.
My message is simple, accept that it is FEAR that keeps you trapped and in need of comfort, so it is FEAR that needs to be understood and let go of, not alcohol.
Walk into your FEARS….you won’t find a terrifying alcohol monster ready to drown you, to watch you sink into oblivion. In fact you won’t find anything to wound or harm you, in you.
You will only find more of YOU, the loving, kind you who is frightened and desperately needing to be understood, to have your basic simple needs met, to be comforted, to be accepted, to be LOVED and cared for by YOU….and I promise you darling, when you do that, when you look within for the answers, they are always there and they are always easy to deliver.
I hope this helps you start to understand that alcohol is not what traps you, and starts you to have the compassionate, non-judgmental conversations with yourself that will ease your fears, because then, with some practical steps and spiritual practices you will find peace and freedom around alcohol, and in life, easily.
If you are ready to step out your FEARS, to simply LET THEM GO, if you have had enough of being exhausted over your struggle, if you have had enough of feeling overwhelmed by your drinking, ashamed of who you are when you drink, let’s talk.
Most of my clients drinking change from DAY ONE in WEEK ONE, and all who follow my unique 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process, change by WEEK TWO, because from the very first session, they understand and release the FEAR
The hardest part, the bravest part of change, is to step out of what you think you ‘know’ about your drinking, to accept that there is another way and that you just don’t know how to access that other way, and to say, ‘Help me’….
When you do that, you commit to becoming you again, the woman who drinks socially, who doesn’t hide her drinking, who doesn’t lie about her drinking, who is present and connected to life who has taken a journey of Relief, Release, Peace and JOY
Be kind and gentle with yourself
PS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”,
Jan 4, 2022
Hello lovely….How are you?
Are you feeling full of excitement for your future, for the new, in-control-of-your-drinking, you?
Your new, no fear of relapse, you?
Your new no more struggling with Cravings or Willpower you?
How are you FEELING about not only smashing Dry January, but changing your drinking for the rest of the year, for LIFE?
If you are doing Dry January, well done you! You are probably already feeling prouder and better, physically and emotionally – its amazing how quickly you perk up isn’t it?
Maybe you are already feeling more energized, sleeping better, less bloated, skin looking better- and right now, in the early days, you may well be feeling very hopeful that this time you have got it…..but as the month wears on, the memories of other Dry January’s resurface, when you also felt hopeful and then inexplicably slid back in your old drinking patterns as the year wore on…..
You know at the very core of you that you want to make changes, and not just for January.
You know that you want to drink less consistently, to not feel out of control, and yet to still enjoy a social drink. You know you want to feel better, look better, ACT better…you know deep within you that your drinking isn’t who you are, you just don’t quite understand how to stay in the sober space when it is your heart’s desire……your heart’s desire to be the mother/partner/hell, even the dog owner, you and your loves deserve, and yet there is also a creeping feeling of ‘loss’ at the thought of changing the very thing you do, drink, that you know takes you further from YOU.
What on earth is going on?
The truth is, once Dry Jan is done and dusted, a yearly box so proudly ticked off, you don’t just start drinking again…..the actual drinking process starts when your THINKING have start to slip back on their well worn track of you having to control or deny yourself a drink….these thoughts take a great deal of fearful energy, which creates the feelings of anxiety and deprivation around what you perceive you will miss from alcohol.
Does that make sense?
However, if you weren’t buying into your alcohol THINKING you wouldn’t be creating any anxious FEELINGS.
Everything you do is through a process of Think, Feel, Re-Act – re-acting being the drowning the woman you love in alcohol.
Your drinking always, always, ALWAYS starts not with the first glass, but with the THINKING that creates the FEELINGS that result in the first glass to COMFORT those FEELINGS…and on to the second, and on to the daily bottle. This is the simple, always and forever TRUTH.
To give you an insight into how easy it is to let go of both the THOUGHTS and FEELINGS, that take you to drink, the feelings you misidentify as alcohol ‘cravings’, in one effortless step, here’s one of my easiest, and instant relief from alcohol cravings, LIFE Recovery Coach Tips
Notice the FEELINGS that come up, starting in your gut (they always start there), of fear, anxiety, around alcohol. This is the ONLY indication you need that your THINKING has slipped.
Next shift your awareness on to your THINKING – again, your thoughts are the creator of those feelings, NOT ALCOHOL
Notice WHO YOU ARE when these lower THOUGHTS come up – maybe you are tired, low, lonely, anxious about work/relationships, only you know.
And then use this oh, so, simple technique to let both the THOUGHTS and FEELINGS go, without even attempting to address/understand/rationalise anything to do with ALCOHOL.
- Create a PAUSE by,
- Changing your BREATHING
- INHALE through your nose for 5
- EXHALE through your mouth for 7
- Increase to an INHALE for 7
- EXHALE for 11
Do this for just 2 minutes and your alcohol cravings will simply disappear. I promise you, and if you have to do it 5 times in one hour, DO IT!
You are going to breath anyway, so CHOOSE the way you breathe…..It is as simple as that.
My clients enjoy huge success, through my uniquely simple and empowering 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method coaching process. Most clients who follow the process, make the biggest change from WEEK ONE.
A number of my clients have spent at least one term in Rehab and struggled in the ‘real’ world.
Other clients have come feeling that they felt they were close to losing everything and some who just didn’t want to drink / eat, on a daily basis, in a way they don’t like.
All of them, when they trust the process (me) and work the simple tools (you), have found the balance they desired and deserve. It will be the same for you too.
It doesn’t matter where you are now, or how long you have been struggling with your drinking, the peaceful way to LETTING GO is within you all the time x
If 2023 is YOUR time to put YOU first, to stop doing what you have always done (and getting the same sadder result), and to end your painful drinking struggle for LIFE, Contact me today.
Be kind and gentle with yourself
PS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”, wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
Nov 30, 2021
Hello lovely, its almost here……..
It’s almost the ‘season to be jolly’, the shops are full of Christmas cheer, of sparkles, Christmas carols, food and lot and lots of specially packaged for Christmas, alcohol……
Your dream is the same as last years, as it is every year, you want this to be the BEST Christmas.
And you know that as well as buying gifts, extra food, putting the tree, and the decorations up, you need, you must get a handle on your drinking…..
Because you remember last year, and the year before drink fest and all the stress, strain, exhaustion and pain that came with it, as well as maybe remembering the one year you didn’t drink and the pride, happiness and joy that came with that.
You know that changing your drinking will change your life….you may not know how much, but you know, completely, that life will be better if you weren’t ‘controlled’ by alcohol, and so you start to create a plan that will at the very least allow you to limit your drinking….because stopping seems a step to far…..
So, what is your new drinking plan? Specifically?
What have you decided to do differently this time?
And it has to be different, as the same old plan, brings the same old results, feeling a failure as you hide our wine glass and down the mints to hide your breath…..It can’t just have been me…..
Here’s the 3 keys you MUST have to create a successful plan……and none of them are about alcohol….
- What new AWARENESS’S do you have, not around alcohol – alcohol does not, cannot change – what it is one day, it is every day, so the only other part of your relationship you can look at for the answers is YOU?
- What new INSIGHTS do you have that have given you a sigh of relief because of what you now know?
- What new self-loving, effortless STRATEGIES to take you out of any stress of fear around alcohol, do you have ready for immediate use?
If you don’t have ALL of the above, with a structure and process that breathes with your life, darling, you don’t have a plan.
You may have a hope, a prayer, but not a plan you can lean into. Without a plan you don’t have clarity, and without clarity, there is no certainty, and sadly, you will always struggle to have the life of peace and freedom to choose around alcohol you long for and deserve.
If you don’t have ALL of the above, changing your drinking will be at best a ‘hit and miss’ exercise, with the emphasis firmly on the ‘miss’.
It is not enough to try harder, to try to be stronger, to use more willpower, (and my God you have tried over and over again), to try to distract yourself in the hope that your drinking will change. You may have some success, but sadly it will not, cannot last.
You can’t spend your life in vigilance around the ‘demon drink’, especially around the holiday seasons where so much more is expected of you (even if it’s just by you), when your self-care goes out the window, and self-neglect comes to stay……
The sad and simple truth is that you drink in a way you don’t like to offer yourself comfort, and the more exhausted, overwhelmed, under nourished you are, the greater your need for comfort… so following the dots…you are ultimately trying to be vigilant around not offering yourself comfort.
And so you drink more, not less……Another sad truth
However, I have a completely unique process to changing your drinking, my Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method….it is how I am simply sober, and in peace and ease after 28 years of alcohol struggle, and it is how my clients, the ones who have surrendered because they recognise that what they are doing to try to change their drinking has not /will not/CANNOT work…..and looked for something new, also have a peace and freedom around alcohol they didn’t believe was possible.
It is a 6 week process, and in less than 3 weeks, your drinking will change for life when you stop focussing on alcohol, and start to understand that the ONLY place your drinking struggle lies is in the BELIEF that it brings you comfort.
That BELIEF is why you feel fear, anxiety, missing out….NOT alcohol.
This Christmas could be your first in control of your drinking, or not drinking at all…..is there a greater gift you can give to yourself or your family?…..There hasn’t been to mine…
I have am offering a huge 50% discount for January – my heart tells me that this has been a hugely hard year for so many, and with all the rising costs, not much end in sight. And honestly, I don’t know how I would be coping if I was still drinking – I dread to think.
A life feeling out of control around alcohol is a half life, I know that, and you deserve better, your loves deserve better.
I am offering 10 clients this 50% offer, so please, put yourself FIRST.
Step up and out of what you have tried that has failed you, and give yourself and your family the greatest gift that Christmas and LIFE has to offer – you, happy, healthy and HEALED.
Contact me HERE to book a complimentary call
And always and forever, be very kind and gentle with YOU.
PS. Here’s a client Testimonial
“One session in and I have had 2 glasses of wine that I choose to drink. 2 glasses lasted me all evening. I sipped them and I never sip wine! Other than that, no alcohol at all. I have no words. Thank you Sonia”
PPS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”, wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
Jun 9, 2021
Hello lovely, how is your week going?
Are you living in your present moment, (the only time you ever truly have), or is the energy you have to live your life of freedom from your drinking struggle, in the love and peace you deserve, divided between memories of your past and fears for your future?
Here’s the TRUTH of your problem drinking.
- You drink to COMFORT yourself
- To ease your PAIN of yesterday
- To ease your ANXIETIES of the future
- To BOOST you UP
- To CALM you DOWN – and so your list goes on……..
And you hate the lack of control you seem to have around your drinking, and try (again) to change it.
And it makes sense that because you hate the results of your drinking, that’s where you focus your ‘change’ on starting, because you know, alcohol is the ‘problem’
But it isn’t! The intention behind your drinking is always, always to take you out of pain and into peace.
The results of your drinking is, well you know this, a mountain of pain, shame and despair.
Your daily struggle with alcohol is the conflict between the intention (feelings) and the knowing (results). It has nothing to do with alcohol…..you drink to end the conflict of you.
And because you will always act on what you feel, alcohol becomes the problem, but it is not where your focus needs to be to change the way you drink……..
- You get the hangovers, because you drink
- You talk rubbish, because you drink
- You are emotionally unavailable to your children, because you drink.
- You feel weak and hopeless, because you drink
Yet your focus needs to be on your WHY of your drinking, which is always because you lack the very things you hope it will bring you……COMFORT (an umbrella term that covers everything that takes you out of alignment with you!).
That is where the simple answer to your drinking pain is, in your WHY you want/need/CRAVE a DRINK
And the easy answer to changing your drinking lies in truly knowing your WHY through new AWARENESS’S that allow for new actions, easily, that lead to the peaceful re-alignment of YOU
Do you recognise that?
So, what will you do with that recognition?
To help you start the process of AWARENESS of YOU, I have a simple Journal prompt I give to all my clients, it will help you too.
I want you to sit with this, quietly and write your heartfelt answers before you pick up the glass tonight. Breathe deeply, download and then ACT on your answer.
“For What Purpose Do I Want A Drink?”
Just 5 minutes to hear and understand your heartfelt answers before you pick up the glass tonight.
Those 5 minutes will give you insight, options and take you out of the stranglehold of your trapped thinking / cravings. It’s not hard, its NEW.
And in doing this simple exercise, you will start the real conversation about changing your drinking going!!
Be kind & gentle with yourself
PS, to understand more about my process, here’s the link to my, 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method coaching process based on my own suddenly sober life, and through it, 100’s of women, have gone from desperate and feeling destroyed, to peace, freedom and joy.
Working with Sonia has transformed my life, not just my drinking, MY LIFE! I feel empowered, at peace with who I am and I know that whatever happens in life, I can deal with it, I don’t need alcohol. I just need me“
If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
Apr 29, 2021
How are YOU? Not your children, work, friends, family, YOU?
How are you feeling?
- Are you feeling comforted, balanced at peace?
- Do you feel safe in trust and alignment with yourself and the world/Universe – the bigger picture?
- Or do you feel shrunk in the ever tightening straight jacket of the stress and struggle of your drinking?
- Fearful of the ticking of the clock, as you edge towards your decided ‘Wine O’Clock’ that has become the awakening of your Cravings?
Ultimately, there are 2 ways of living around your drinking, in relaxed and in control, or struggle, stress and out of control.
Both of which are CHOICES only you can make, and the stress, struggle and out of control can be changed by simple new awareness’s that allow for effortless expansion of your perception of you, alcohol and LIFE.
In effortless expansion, you have a wider horizon, with space for greater opportunities, greater choices for thoughts/feelings and the consequences of these two, the ACTIONS you take – to drink, to not drink, to not drink with ease, to fight to not drink.
Alcohol doesn’t change. It can’t. Take that one simple FACT on board, and shift your attention from the external (alcohol), and gently look at the only part of your ‘relationship’ with alcohol that can change, YOU.
Here’s are FOUR Simple Steps to help you on your journey to you, and to finding PEACE around alcohol.
- RECOGNIZE the feelings that come up when you crave a drink – you drink on what you feel, not on what you think
- OBSERVE the thoughts that created the feelings
- DETACH from those thoughts – the less you engage with your thoughts, the weaker your feelings. To do this, when your ‘drinking thinking’ pops up, say with non-judgmental kindness, “Hi, you’re here again, I don’t need you, off you go now” – this alone creates a gap between you and your thinking that loosens your alcohol thinking/feeling/Craving trap
- PRAISE yourself – every time you use the above and don’t drink – your praise of you activates your LOVE of you, the most powerful emotion and in LOVE there is no desire for alcohol.
And it is ALL down to you! It is YOUR (not someone else’s), kind words, towards you, that create the most powerfully kind feelings and kind feelings mean you don’t drink!
Changing your drinking is NOT hard.
Battling with your painful THOUGHTS and FEELINGS/CRAVINGS IS – this is the mental torture you inflict on yourself, as you attempt to make yourself ‘feel better’ by not drinking.
Alcohol is what you ‘DO’ to end that torture.
As long as you continue to try over and over again, to change your drinking, by starting with any attempt to deny yourself your ‘comfort’, by beating yourself up for you ‘weakness’, and not turning instead to gently learning the self-loving truths about who you are and what you need, you will get the same results….’failure’
When you start your journey to freedom, by looking into you, into the wonder and magic of you – a wonder and magic you have learnt to believe no longer exists, your drinking will change, effortlessly.
If my words resonate, I can help you. The hardest part of change through my 6 week, Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process, is the reaching out.
The holding out of your hand and placing it in mine. Until you are your rock, I will be. My journey to changing my drinking has been the joy of my LIFE, don’t you deserve that too?
Be kind and gentle with yourself
PS. If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.