Dry January is the perfect time to reset your drinking and re-asses your relationship with alcohol.
The energy around Dry January is powerful and positive, the emotional support is huge and everywhere, and as you go through the days, these are the energies that keep you safe, confident and on track. All of which is fantastic.
But I want you to be aware of one crucial aspect of regaining control of your drinking that makes ALL the difference between ongoing success or ‘failiure’.
And that is that you must be clear on the difference between Physical Sobriety (not drinking), and Emotional Sobriety.
Because if you want to regain effortless total control of your drinking, it is understanding how to reclaim, and stay safe, in your Emotional Sobriety that guarantees your success.
Physical Sobriety is the tip of your drinking ice-berg, it the act of drinking….it’s what you do and the consequences you see and feel, of your drinking.
The hangovers, poorer behaviours, irritability, poor sleep, weight gain, and the losses of trust and love of yourself, from your family, and maybe even your job…..
You know it’s all down to drinking alcohol, but the truth is, alcohol is NOT the driver of your drinking.
Your Emotions are….
How you are Feeling, (your Unmet Needs), and your Alcohol Beliefs (that it offers ‘comfort’, that change will be hard), all show up as Emotions – and it is your Emotions that are the drivers (and prison) of your drinking,
When you accept that truth, it becomes obvious that to truly regain control of your drinking, you have to address your Emotions – only then does the Physical act of your drinking change easily.
After 28 years of stress and struggle around my drinking – of trying and failing to change, I am now able to enjoy a social drink with ease, because I am 100% Emotionally Sober.
I do not look to alcohol to make me feel better, more relaxed, give me peace, pick me up or anything else. I have no Emotional attachment to alcohol at all….and without any Emotional attachment, alcohol has become just a drink, like tea, or soda.
There is never a ‘pull’ towards alcohol, no stress, or struggle. No mind battle, or cravings and definitely no need for willpower….I can take it or leave it, with grace and ease.
To make it clearer, I want you to imagine a tree – Physical Sobriety forms the branches, but it is always Emotional Sobriety that is the sturdy trunk that supports them.
I know that the easy way to create lasting change to your drinking, that frees you from stress and anxiety, you must take a deeper dive into learning, understanding and accepting that developing the simple skills of Emotional Regulation, which address both your Unmet Needs, and challenges your Alcohol Beliefs.
Emotional Regulation is the key to Emotional Sobriety, and to creating the long lasting change to your relationship with alcohol you desire.
Reclaiming control of your drinking, is not just about saying ‘No’ to a drink.
It’s about saying ‘Yes’ to a LIFE where emotional balance anchors the journey towards authentic and sustainable well-being.
To support you, I’m sharing my;
5 Top Tips to Emotional Sobriety
Read each one, at least ONCE, internalise the message and take the easy actions.
Pause and Breathe
Begin with a simple pause. In the demands of LIFE, take a deep breath.
Allow yourself the space to acknowledge your emotions without judgment.
Breathing mindfully becomes your anchor, giving you the space to recognise your emotions and react differently by creating clarity of your needs in any moment.
Name Your Needs
Dive into self-awareness by identifying your Unmet Needs.
What are you truly looking for? Connection, Validation, Support, Nourishment, Rest?
Naming your needs is the first step in meeting them.
Listen to the truths that come from you heart, and gradually, align your actions to satisfy those needs authentically.
Question your Alcohol Beliefs
Challenge the beliefs you hold about alcohol through non-judgemental, curious questionning.
- Are you using it as a crutch, a reward, or a social lubricant?
- What will actually happen in any given situation if you don’t drink?
- Will you cope? Yes, Will the world end? No.
- What do you learn more about what is /isn’t acceptable to you, and create boundaries around them? The answer is an easy, YES, if you really are committed to this journey.
- Question the Social Beliefs around alcohol?
- Do they work for you, or do they keep you trapped?
Connect your Heart and Mind
Nurture a strong spiritual connection between your heart and mind. Do the things, the activities, and rituals that feed your soul – whether it’s through meditation, nature walks, or creative expression.
I know how important this connection is, in transforming your drinking. It creates balance, wellbeing, peace within which is the bedrock of both Emotional Regulation and Emotional Sobriety.
Let Supportive People Support You!
Surround yourself with a tribe that understands and supports your journey. Share your aspirations, challenges, and victories with those who uplift you emotionally.
Find a network of like-minded individuals provides a safe space for growth and reinforces the importance of Emotional Sobriety.
And if you don’t know your tribe, I have one waiting just for you, that I invite you to join;
MidLIFE Women Ready to Take Back Control of Alcohol
This is a FREE private space where you will learn the deeper truths about your drinking and how to regain control of it from its roots in Emotional Sobriety, to the success of Physical Sobriety.
Are you ready to step into a profound new awareness about your drinking trap, that will allow you to change your drinking with grace and ease?
Then read this, let it settle, and then read it again, because it holds a very powerful truth that you can easily act on…..
You NEVER sit down at the end of the day, with a drink in front of you thinking;
“I’m really looking forward to drinking too much, to feeling anxious, irritable and out of control”
“I’m so happy to know that tomorrow morning I will feel upset, hungover, disappointed and totally fed up with myself”
And yet, you KNOW, that these are the consequences, (the every time RESULTS) of your drinking…..
However you DO sit down at the end of the day, with a drink in front of you thinking;
“Thank God I can relax now – I can shut down my bloody mind chatter, I can have a break, feel a bit of peace, switch off, and let the day go”
The bottom line of your drinking struggle is, the INTENTION before you drink is to ‘feel better’, the RESULT, is you feel worse…..
And in those two sentences is exactly, and the ONLY reason why you are still trapped in your drinking, your drinking thinking, and the stress, anxiety, confusion and despair your drinking creates.
Your mind battle isn’t you vs alcohol….your mind battle is between;
The INTENTION behind your drinking – to make you feel better.
And the RESULT of your drinking – that you feel worse, and in greater need of feeling better…….
And so the cycle continues.
Imagine now, if you no longer held the INTENTION that alcohol makes you feel better….
Imagine how differently you would drink, if alcohol no longer represented feeling better to you.
When the INTENTION of comfort is gone, you easily drink differently…..
So the one question I want you to ask yourself tonight, that will allow you to change your drinking is,
“What is the INTENTION behind my drinking, what do I want from this FIRST drink?”
Whatever answer comes up;
Peace of Mind,
To feel less lonely or bored….
Take a breath, a long, slow deep breath, and ACT on your need….
And if you say you don’t know how….imagine a friend had said to you that they needed Relaxation, Time out etc, and what answer would you give them?
You will give the answer that is right for YOU!
Changing your drinking is not hard when you focus on the currently unknown INTENTION behind your drinking, because that’s where the answers are.
Changing your drinking, is very, very hard, when you focus on the known RESULTS of your drinking, because that is not the driver of your drinking.
I am currently writing my process of easy change in a book, ‘Insights from a (formerly) Drunk Mother – the process’.
If you would like to be kept up to date on my message of how powerful change really happens, join my newsletter, where I will share it as I write….💯
In this blog I tell you exactly what your drinking problem really is, the foundation of it, and give you some easy tools, to help you start your journey to changing your drinking, TODAY.
I want you to read at least once, let the truth of it settle, and then ACT on it, even if, right now, you think, it won’t work. It will make sense, and when you surrender to the process, it will, completely.
The problem of your drinking, lies in your ALCOHOL BELIEFS……
In any context, BELIEFS, are simply experiences you have personally had, or seen, and the thoughts you have about those experiences, that you believe are 100% to be true. You run them on repeat and they get stronger.
In the context of Alcohol, your experiences could be;
- That you felt more confident when you drank when you were young,
- That you fitted in better when you had a drink,
- That life was more fun and exciting when you had a drink…
All of which would have contributed to creating the BELIEF, that alcohol made you ‘feel better’…..and ‘better’ is comfort.
BELIEFS start in your Conscious Mind, in your thoughts, and settle in your Unconscious Mind as feelings.
Your Unconscious Mind is your superpower, it controls 98% of your behaviours, and when you have a BELIEF in place there, you will always act on it….which is fab for Limitless BELIEFS, and devastating for LIMITING BELIEFS….which in the context of your drinking are;
“Alcohol brings me COMFORT”
“Changing my drinking will be hard”
“What can I do instead of drink to make me feel better”
“I won’t fit in without a drink”
These and many more are all LIMITING ALCOHOL BELIEFS…
Regardless of how damaging LIMITING BELIEFS are to your happiness and wellbeing, the highest intention behind them is always to bring you COMFORT…..and when you try to stop or change any behaviour round a BELIEF, you experience feelings of fear and anxiety, as your Unconscious Mind feels you will deny yourself comfort.
In fear and anxiety, you are trapped.
You will do anything to COMFORT the fear and anxiety, and when you have ALCOHOL BELIEF, that alcohol brings you COMFORT, you will drink.
And this is true of any behaviour you feel out of control of….shopping, food, gambling…the more you feel fear and anxiety when you think of stopping, the stronger the desire for the behaviour…you always give in, and you give in to find COMFORT.
Your ALCOHOL BELIEFS show up in many ways, the two most easily recognised are;
💯 Your inner mind battle
💯Cravings and Willpower
You think, you want to cut down or stop, your ALCOHOL BELIEF is that stopping / changing your drinking will be hard, you feel anxious, depressed, fearful and stressed, and you drink, to COMFORT your anxiety, stress and fear.
Whilst the feeling of stress, anxiety and fear are in place, you will always, always struggle to change your drinking.
And the more you ‘give in’ (drink), the more evidence you have that your ALCOHOL BELIEF is true, and the stronger the BELIEF gets.
To successfully find peace and control around your drinking, you must use an approach that does not directly focus on alcohol but accepts that the only way forward is to address your ALCOHOL BELIEFS, starting with the Core Belief being, Alcohol brings you COMFORT – your Core Belief is the foundation stone for every other BELIEF, so the quickest way to bring down the prison wall of your drinking, is to release your Core Alcohol Belief. When that is done, your other Alcohol Beliefs, dissolve naturally.
It is not hard to release your Alcohol Core Belief, it simply takes, intention, awareness, and gentle consistency.
The simple work that releases your Alcohol Core Belief, does not exhaust you, take stress, struggle or cause you anxiety or fear (your drinking does that), it is a liberating journey of understanding, peace, happiness and joy.
Your new goal is to re-connect with your true needs, which allows you to find healthier ways to provide COMFORT, manage stress or emotional triggers that may lead you to drink to COMFORT.
Here are some of the strategies, I use with my clients, that accepts the truth of ALCOHOL BELIEFS, and emphasizes providing alternative sources of COMFORT:
🌟 Identify Triggers and Emotions:
Keep a journal to track situations, emotions, or stressors that trigger the desire to drink. Understanding these triggers will help you recognize patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
🌟 Mindfulness and Self-Reflection:
Engage in mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. This will help you become more aware of your emotions and cravings without immediately acting on them.
🌟 Emotional Regulation Techniques:
Learn and practice emotional regulation techniques to cope with difficult emotions without turning to alcohol. This can include talking to someone you trust, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative outlets like art or music.
🌟 Find Alternative COMFORT Sources:
Identify and cultivate other activities, and that does not mean finding ‘distraction’. It means finding ways to deliver COMFORT and joy. This could be spending time in nature, pursuing hobbies, spending quality time with loved ones, or practicing self-care (time to read a beautiful book, have a lovely bath).
🌟 Reframe Your Alcohol Beliefs:
Gradually challenge and reframe BELIEF that alcohol brings COMFORT. Remind yourself, without judgement or criticism, of the negative consequences that drinking can have on your well-being, relationships, and overall life satisfaction.
🌟 Set Realistic Goals:
Avoid setting strict, all-or-nothing goals, as they may create additional tension. Instead, focus on gradual progress and celebrate each step you take towards reducing your alcohol consumption. There are no small wins on any LIFE journey, so celebrate YOU.
🌟 Practice Patience and Compassion:
Understand that changing deep-rooted beliefs and behaviour’s takes time. Be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the process, and avoid self-criticism if you experience setbacks – you are on a journey of self-discovery, and setbacks, are Golden Opportunities to discover more of your needs….take the new learnings, and add them to your bank of self-knowledge for next time.
Remember, the key is to find healthier ways to address the need for COMFORT and support while gradually challenging and shifting your Core Alcohol Belief, around your drinking.
These simple, empowering tools increase understanding yourself. They build resilience, as you embrace positive changes in your life.
Changing your drinking doesn’t need a ‘quit drinking plan’, you need a LIFE Plan….a way of recognising your ALCOHOL BELIEFS when they show up, to know and understand your LIFE when they show up, and how to respond in a way that easily delivers the comfort you need, and releases your Core Alcohol Belief at the same time.
That’s it. That’s all.
If you are ready to fully immerse yourself in a new approach to changing your drinking, with grace and ease, let’s talk.
My Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method has a £500 discount in AUGUST, spots are limited and 95% of my clients drinking changes in WEEK ONE.
All you need to do is commit, and contact me HERE.
Sue reached out to me three months ago, when she felt completely trapped in a spiral of confusion and constant low level unhappiness, that she just couldn’t shift.
Her days felt like a blur of monotonous routines, leaving her feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from her true desires.
Sue wanted clarity and freedom from the hamster wheel of her negative thoughts and the feelings that dragged her down, leaving her feeling helpless and lost.
And I knew immediately how to help her.
After our initial conversation, I gave her my, Unlock your Happiness Code; 10 Questions to Transform your LIFE, to reflect on and answer, one at a time, in the privacy of her home.
And I knew these 10 questions, would shift out of her stale mental energy, and into the empowering, curious energy she needed to bring to reveal her personal path back to Happiness.
This Unlock your Happiness Code; 10 Questions to Transform your LIFE, exercise is called Journaling.
Journaling is the quickest way to the gentle, curious, self-discovery, that is key to moving you out of where you are unhappy, and back into happiness.
On the day Sue started journaling, she felt overwhelmed by the weight of her emotions, and at first, she said her words flowed hesitantly, but soon the pages became a sanctuary where she could freely express herself without judgment.
As her pen connected with the paper, Sue said she started to feel the re-connection with her heart and mind, and it felt as though she ‘unravelled the layers of my soul, discovering dreams and aspirations I had buried deep within’.
Through journaling, Sue learned to confront her fears and insecurities head-on, with self-compassion, instead of her old harsh self-judgement.
She unearthed limiting beliefs that had held her back for years, allowing her to release what felt like the deeply ingrained self-doubt that weighed her down. Slowly, clarity emerged like a beacon of light, guiding her towards her true desires.
With the newfound clarity that came through answering my, Unlock your Happiness Code; 10 Questions to Transform your LIFE, Sue transformed her life.
- Her relationships improved as she stepped back into her authentic self.
- She changed her job, one she felt more aligned to her values.
- She found an outlet for her creativity, so that she could express herself fully.
- She finally recognised and understood her Negative Patterns, and replaced them with Positive Patterns, so that she felt fully in control of her emotions and choices.
She pursued her passions with confidence and determination, igniting a fire within her that she had never experienced before.
The confusion that once clouded her mind was replaced with a sense of purpose and direction.
As journaling became a daily practice, Sue embraced the present moment with mindfulness and gratitude.
Her mind became a canvas where she painted empowering narratives, shattering the barriers that once trapped her in negative thinking.
She found balance in her life, cherishing the small joys and celebrating her achievements.
Today, Sue’s journal is more than just a book of written words; it’s a testament to her growth, resilience, and self-discovery. Journaling has become her trusted ally, supporting her through every challenge and triumph. It has paved the way for a life filled with authenticity and joy.
In the realm of self-discovery and self-reflection, journaling holds the power to unlock the deepest parts of your being.
Like Sue, you too can liberate yourself from the trap of confusion and find clarity in your true desires.
All you need is a pen, paper and the powerful questions, that open the doors to you mind, and allow in the empowering answers to the truths about YOU, your needs, your desires – powerful, deep answers only come by answering powerful, deep questions.
Here’s my GIFT to you, its my Unlock your Happiness Code; 10 Questions to Transform your LIFE pdf
These are the questions that will uncover your deepest desires, your authentic self, and allow you transform your LIFE in the present moment, with a newfound sense of confidence and purpose.
If you want my access to my transformative and empowering, Unlock your Happiness Code; 10 Questions to Transform your LIFE, they are FREE in my private fb community, The Happiness Code, just click on the link to request entry
Do you feel out of control around alcohol?
Trapped in your daily drinking cycle?
Making decisions each morning, that today will be different, only to find yourself hiding the empty bottle (again) at the end of the night?
What is going on? What is wrong with you? Why are you so weak in your LIFE, and why is alcohol so strong?……
I know exactly what is going through your head daily, as you struggle to understand you, alcohol, and your despair at not being able to regain control of your drinking.
I lived like that for 28 years, and it was hard, exhausting, and I felt a total failure, I couldn’t change my drinking, I couldn’t stick with any plan….I lost. Alcohol won. Every day (or almost every day).
And then alcohol didn’t win….I did…
So, what changed?
Well alcohol didn’t change.
Alcohol couldn’t change.
Alcohol couldn’t win. Alcohol couldn’t lose.
Alcohol didn’t give a damn about me or whether I drank it or not….so….that left me who changed.
And here’s how I changed
I stopped focusing on alcohol. I finally gave up looking over and over again, trying to find different answers, using the same old information, which had never worked, and I started focusing on the thoughts and feelings that I had before I drank…..why they were there, how they were created, what they actually meant, and I found all the answers fall into place, one after another, naturally, easily, like a jigsaw puzzle of a picture I had never seen before, and my drinking changed……
Here’s what I learnt to be true for me, and true for all my clients too.
Your drinking trap has nothing to do with alcohol, it is the BELIEFS you hold around what alcohol delivers to you (in intention), and the LIMITING BELIEFS of how hard change will be, how you will ‘cope’, relax, BE without alcohol – which is the daftest, because changing your drinking doesn’t have to be a ‘never again’ solution…..
So, what are LIMITING BELIEFS in the context of alcohol?
Limiting Beliefs around alcohol are the deeply ingrained, perceptions and attitudes that you hold about alcohol and its role in your life.
It is your alcohol Beliefs that decide your drinking habits, not alcohol.
It is your alcohol Limiting Beliefs that create the fears about how hard changing your drinking will be, not alcohol.
You cannot see any Limiting Belief, but you can always feel it.
When you think about stopping drinking, or even changing the way you drink, you bump up against the Belief, and you feel anxious, deprived, fearful and the more you try to fight yourself (not alcohol), to not drink, the greater the fear, anxiety becomes, until you give in and drink…..
This is the cause of your drinking trap, your alcohol Beliefs.
And when you accept that truth, you start to gently focus on shifting the belief, instead of wasting your time, energy and headspace focusing on alcohol.
The wonderful news is, it is easy to change any Belief, once you are aware of it….and to remind you, it shows up in the way you feel, the anxiety, sense of deprivation, loss you feel when you contemplate changing your drinking….it then morphs into the battle in your own mind that is the tug of war between, “Don’t drink”, vs, “It will be different this time”.
It is the Limiting Belief that craves comfort, for you it might be alcohol, for another it might be food, shopping, gambling.
It is the Limiting Belief you try to find willpower to fight, not alcohol.
Once you start to your journey of true understanding of your problem drinking, which is NOT alcohol, and release the Limiting Beliefs you hold around alcohol, you release stress, anxiety, confusion and a path appears in front of you.
You can easily regain control of your drinking, you can easily find peace of mind, happiness, and freedom, and all you need is a clear process and strategies, backed up with compassionate and empowering support.
And remember, the process should not focus on limiting, avoiding alcohol, and must focus on releasing the truth of your drinking problem….your alcohol Limiting Beliefs.
I have a unique process to changing problem drinking, which works on the absolute knowledge and experience that alcohol is what you ‘do’ that has hurt your life, but not what needs to be changed.
I have supported 1000’s of clients find their peace and freedom around their drinking, allowing them to become Simply Social Drinkers.
Is it your time to walk a new path, with a new perspective and empowering new way of changing your drinking for LIFE?
Here’s just one Client’s Testimonial
“For over 10 years I’ve struggled and tried various recovery methods including 3 stays in rehab. I’ve finally got the effortless freedom from alcohol that Sonia promises in just 6 weeks. I can’t remember feeling this happy. I’m me. Thank you Sonia … I’m truly grateful”. Ms GK
This could by you, starting from your very first session….are you committed and ready?
Then let’s talk, contact me HERE
I used to think being Emotionally Vulnerable, left me open to attack, to ridicule, to feeling less than I already did. I hid my thoughts and feelings, even from myself, and I paid a high price in my emotional health, my happiness, my relationships, my LIFE.
Now I know how important it is to be Emotionally Vulnerable, and I here I share with you, what I have learnt on my own journey, as well as the journey’s of LIFE Recovery Coaching clients, the profound significance of embracing emotional vulnerability as a pathway to healing, fostering deeper connections with others and, most importantly, with yourself.
Gift yourself 5 minutes to read in this peace, let my words settle and lean into the insights and truth.
In a world that emphasizes strength and resilience, the true power of emotional vulnerability sometimes gets overlooked.
However, this beautiful act of authenticity holds the key to genuine healing and profound personal growth.
The Power of Emotional Vulnerability: Embrace Your Authentic Self
Emotional vulnerability is not a sign of weakness; it is an expression of authenticity.
By allowing yourself to share your innermost thoughts, feelings, and fears, you embark on a transformative path of healing.
Embracing your vulnerabilities means embracing your true self, and this truth is a gift you can offer yourself and the world.
Authentic Emotional Healing: Unburden Your Soul
Through emotional vulnerability, you create a sacred space for authentic emotional healing. By facing your suppressed emotions and past traumas, you unburden your soul and release the weight that has held you back.
This liberating journey empowers you to break free from old patterns and embrace a life of purpose and joy.
Deepening Connections with Others: Forge Bonds of Trust
When you bravely share your vulnerabilities with trusted individuals, you forge bonds of trust and understanding.
As you open your heart, you invite others to do the same, fostering profound connections. Vulnerability becomes the bridge that leads us to truly know and be known, enriching your relationships beyond measure.
Connecting with Ourselves: Embrace Your Wholeness
At the core of emotional vulnerability lies your relationship with yourself.
By accepting your vulnerabilities, you embrace your humanity and connect with your inner self.
Self-compassion replaces self-judgment, and you learn to love every facet of your being.
In this embrace, you find the strength to heal and grow.
Navigating Growth and Resilience: Transform into Your True Self
Embracing emotional vulnerability challenges you to step outside of your comfort zone and confront your fears.
This transformative process ignites resilience and fosters personal growth.
As we transform into your true self, you become the author of your LIFE’s stories, weaving a tapestry of authenticity and strength.
Conclusion: Embrace the Heart-Centered Journey
Emotional vulnerability is a journey that calls for authenticity, compassion, and wholeheartedness.
As you embark on this heart-centered path, you uncover the profound healing power within yourself.
So my strongest advice to you is, celebrate your vulnerabilities and embrace your true self, because it is in those moments that you connect with the very essence of your being.
As you honour your vulnerabilities, you create a life filled with authenticity, love, and resilience.
Let your heart lead the way, and you will fall in love with the beautiful soul you truly are, that emerges from within.
If you would like tips and advice to support you on your HEALING journey, taking you back to your de-fault settings of Happiness, Peace and JOY, then I invite you to join my private community The Happiness Code …you deserve more, I will show you how to find it….💕