In your quietest moments, in the dark of the night, when you lying in bed, wide awake again, despairing and so unhappy, how do you think and feel about your drinking?
Has it become a problem that makes no sense, that confuses and terrifies you?
You told yourself tonight would be different, you told yourself you would just have a couple, or none at all….but you didn’t….you had a bottle, and tonight was just the same as last night, and the night before, and so many, many other nights. You feel heartsick, depressed and lonely in your battle.
Faced with all your ‘failures’ to change, how do you label you, in your drinking?
You will label yourself, you have to, you need something that explains, just to you, what the hell is going on…..and often that word, in your darkest moments is Addict.
“I am addicted to alcohol”
Addiction is a big word. A hard word to apply to yourself. A terrifying word. It is a word of out of control, destructive, compulsive behaviours, relapse & hard work to recover….if you can.
But not everyone who struggles with any compulsive, repeated, out of control behaviour is addicted.
So the fear of relapse, hard work and losing control again also, also does not apply.
Daily drinking can simply be (and I use the word ‘simply’ intentionally), a pattern you have slipped into, that confuses you, and in that confusion, frightens you, and in that fear, you stay trapped in the pattern because you have closed down around the problem, instead of looking outside of it for the solution.
It is understandable that you are frightened of what you don’t understand about your own behaviour – any behaviour that damages your health, your relationships, your finances, your LIFE.
To wake up in the morning, upset and disappointed by last nights drinking, promising yourself you won’t drink again tonight, feeling just a little better by making that promise, and then feel the promise disappear as you get closer to ‘wine o’clock’, and your mind goes into overdrive trying to stop yourself / justify that it will be different this time, before you give in and drink again, feels like a form of madness.
Madness because you know the results of your drinking, and you just can’t stop.
And yes that can be addiction, and no, it often isn’t…..
The spectrum of problem drinking is so wide, so long and open, and so should the opportunities for lifelong change be.
But they aren’t.
There is the accepted, standard one-size-works-for-all method of changing your drinking, and no matter how different the packaging looks, it is all the same.
The focus is on alcohol. On limiting, control, avoiding drinking people, places and situations, and on creating boundaries around alcohol.
And often it includes mediation, exercise, talking therapies, but there is very little of the core truth that you have learnt to drink to bring you ‘comfort’ – a huge umbrella term (and numbing out is better than feeling/remembering so is also comfort), and the huge, HUGE part that is where in my experience your drinking (eating, shopping, nail biting, gambling etc) problem lies, in the true controller of your LIFE and behaviours, your Unconscious Mind.
You may well have heard something about your Unconscious Mind, but very few apply what they know about it, and its ‘control’, to their drinking, eating, anything they do, that they hate, and yet feel powerless to change.
I believe this to be the home of any destructive behaviour – not your past, your truama, your lack of confidence, trust, self-esteem, but the home of what you have learnt to believe brings you ‘comfort’ from these wounds.
And you will not change any destructive behaviour, when you focus on what you are doing – drinking, eating, gambling – instead of the intention, the BELIEF behind it, that it brings you comfort, that change will be hard.
After 28 years of hell around alcohol, I changed my drinking easily, not by focusing on alcohol, but by learning, understanding and acting on what I now know to be true about myself, my drinking, my fears around change, all of which were BELIEFS in my super power, Unconscious Mind, that alcohol bought me comfort.
BELIEFS that were in total contradiction to what I intellectually knew, what I could see, feel and hear, the results of my drinking were.
To make it easier, your BELIEFS show up as your feelings, and you act on what you feel to be true, not what you intellectually know to be true – that is your conflict, that is what your inner battle is all about. You are fighting your thoughts and feelings, you are fighting YOU, not alcohol.
I know that by trying to stop drinking, I was denying myself my source of ‘comfort’ and leaving myself wide open and vulnerable without any other awareness’s or resources.
I use what I have learnt to be the TRUTH about changing any destructive behaviour and I have put it together in a simple, minimalist approach to change process, my 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process.
I know the steps you need, and the ones you don’t need to find your peace and freedom around alcohol, and you only do the ones you need!
I have guided 1000’s of men and women through this process and back to their freedom and peace around alcohol.
You need to find a way of thinking, feeling, living that works for you. That resonates with you, that sits well within your other BELIEFS.
That doesn’t take your energy, but gifts you energy, and then COMMIT to paying attention, following the process, walking back to freedom, peace of mind, happiness, confidence, self-respect and CHOICE.
Want to know more, let’s talk.
Sonia
