I didn’t plan to write this message, but it is just too powerful not to share.

I’m sitting in my new office, unpacking my books and I came across this pic of my son, Christopher, taken in 2004, when he was 6 years old – I kept all the ‘proof cards’ as book marks.

A tender shoot of a child, vulnerable in the way all 6-year old’s are.

 So small in a huge world, unknowing, yet learning, observing his world around him, trying to make sense of what he saw, and relying on his only parent, his mother, me, to support, cherish and nurture him. To be his safe place, his home.

And I was a drunk.

A seemingly happy, yet truly sad, lonely in myself, frightened woman with no self-esteem, exhausted with people pleasing, with no sense of my heart centre, relying on what I saw through my eyes (my head) to make my decisions.

And because I only relied on what I saw, on my knowledge gained through other’s experiences, trusting in others beliefs about change, and of the world, his young life, and our life together, was sadder and greyer than it should have been and we didn’t even know it!

I am crying as I write this. His beautiful face…..

And I tried to change, my God I tried….. to be free of my drinking, to be assertive, to create and maintain the boundaries we both needed for us to be happy and healthy, and I failed. I always failed.

But not now.

Now I truly know, understand, believe, and have the gift of a teacher, how any and all change truly happens.

And it is not when you stop doing or being who you despair over, but BEFORE that – the BEFORE change that you cannot see in front of your eyes, is what allows you to release your fears of life, fears of failure, fears of not being good enough, or strong enough to have / stick with the change.

The stopping of whatever your struggle is, and the trust in yourself, the peace and the freedom that comes with it, is the RESULT of the powerful change that goes on first behind your eyes.

And when you know understand this process, it can be replicated and applied to any and every area of your life where you feel less than you truly are.

When you know, trust and understand YOU, without judgement, and how to simply pause and observe what you have learnt to believe is true, how to question it, and how to shift away from your behaviours that hurt you, and into behaviours that heal you.

To make any personal change you MUST first understand the patterns you run that you cannot see – you only see the results of the patterns in your behavours – and you don’t even need to know when they were created, that’s irrelevant now…..you don’t need to go on an emotional archaeological dig.

You simply need to have new understandings, a new way of perceiving what you do and when, and some simple strategies that become a way of LIFE easily to find peace, freedom, happiness, success and healing.

That’s it. That’s all.

The only question I have for you is,

 “Are you prepared to let go of what you know doesn’t work, to expand your awareness into new and different truths, and to journey out of your head (your mind struggle) and into your heart (trust) to have the LIFE you deserve?”

If you are, and you are committed, let’s chat

LIFE is beautiful and, like my Christopher’s childhood, it will never come again, and every day, YOU get to choose whether to stay stuck, or find freedom.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia xx

PS, for January ONLY I am offering a HUGE 50% discount of both my 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method, and my 4 week LIFE Recovery Coaching, AWAKEN program.

Spaces are limited, and this offer will NEVER come again, so if you are ready to enjoy deep, profound, heart sighing with relief change, hit REPLY with a ME, and we can chat.

Here’s a recent Client Testimonial

 “I feel lighter, happier and more at peace than I thought possible. I didn’t like myself or my choices, and now I feel deep compassion and forgiveness for myself and for my family. My history hasn’t changed but my perception has, and that has healed my hurts”

How do you want your LIFE  to be in 2023?

Do you want to be Happier?

To Drink / Eat /Shop less?

To feel more Confident in your own skin?

To have a better job, a new career, more nurturing relationships, more Peace and Joy?

My God, who doesn’t most of these, apart from one or two areas I don’t struggle with, I want them too!

And what will you do to move yourself forward, to make 2023 the year of YOU.

The year when you truly get to know who you are?

When you accept, forgive and LOVE who you are, as you are, and just for now, where you are, so that you can move forward in peace?

When you are finally able to recognise the old stories that pop up, the unconscious patterns you run, when success is within sight, and you ‘relapse’ into old behaviours of People Pleasing, allowing yourself to become Stressed, Anxious, Overwhelmed.

Or to relapse into your old Drinking / Eating behaviours.

Without truly knowing YOU, change is very, very hard.  When you can’t ‘see’ , can’t identify the patterns you run behind your eyes, before you act/don’t act.

What you can’t ‘see’ leaves you blind to you, and you can quickly get caught up in your overthinking mind that presents problems, not solutions.

Your overthinking mind that projects into the future, your learned fears of your past, because it is all it knows.

And when that happens, you go into Self-Sabotage or Procrastination, and you stay stuck in the same old, same old, you are desperate to be free of.

But the truth is, both Self-Sabotage and Procrastination are your ways of ‘protecting’ yourself from ‘failure’ – if you don’t try, you won’t fail.  It is as simple as that.

Except that Protection is not the same as HAPPINESS, and happiness comes through being who you truly, are and accomplishing the goals you long for.

•  Protection is closed down, contracted, hard, keep out, stay still.
• Happiness is open, expansive, trusting, moving with grace and ease

Let’s have some science – the more you understand and believe the truth, the easier LIFE gets…..Self-Sabotage and Procrastination lie in the survival part of your brain, the oldest part of your brain (your Lizard brain), whose sole reason for existence is to protect you.

Your Lizard brain is where the resistance to change that seems threatening comes from.

Your Lizard brain is the voice that says “Stop, don’t go there” – and you feel worried that people will laugh at you, that you can’t do it etc, and although you feel ‘bad’, anxious, tense, despairing when that voice comes up, it is still the voice you listen too, the voice you respond to….

It  is very, very powerful, until you understand these truths and then act on what you know.

And now that you do know, even briefly, what Self-Sabotage and Procrastination really are, what can you do to achieve your dreams, your goals?

Here’s some simple TIPS that I use when I recognise my old Lizard starting its job, and they WORK, you simply have to do them.

Set clear Intentions to your dreams – make them as real as if you have them now.  Write down what you will have see, hear and feel when you have achieved your dreams – that in itself will quieten your Lizard brain as clarity brings certainty that you lack with just day dreams of LIFE

Go into profound Gratitude – journal every day on what you are grateful for, who you have (even if they have passed from this Earth), your breath, your heartbeat, your loves, your dogs, the sun, whatever it takes.

Shift your energy from fear to happiness, from contraction to expansion – dance, sing, get outside in nature, do anything that brings you joy and takes you out of your own head.  Why, because in expansion your Lizard brain feels safe.

And no matter how big your dreams are, you don’t have to take big steps every day – LIFE isn’t all about the quantum leaps we hear of.

Small steps every day that build one on another IS enough, when your intention is clear and you are moving in the right direction.

So, now that you know the reasons and mechanisms behind Self-Sabotage and Procrastination, around your own happiness. What are you going to do differently?

Let me know, and as always and forever,

Be very kind and gentle with YOU

Sonia x

PS. No matter where you are stuck in LIFE, everything can change. And the change you are looking for is not hard, it is new – a bit like this blog.

The simple framework I created for profound change is the same one that changed my drinking, ended my binge eating, self-harm and allowed me to build my own business, have the happiest, healthiest relationships of my LIFE, and to grow daily into the mother, woman, LIFE Coach and emotional healer I was born to be.

If you would like a chat about your way forward, contact me HERE

What do you want to change in your LIFE?

• The way you Eat, Drink, Shop?
• The way you Over-Give, Under Receive, People Please?
• Say ‘Yes’ when you mean ‘No’ or the other way around?

And what would the change you long for and deserve, bring to your LIFE?

Do you even know? Or is the result of your change just a hazy dream without colour, sound or feeling, always just out of reach?

Although I have made massive changes in my LIFE, around my Drinking, my sense of Self-Esteem, my sense of Worthiness, ending my People Pleasing….that was a biggie, I want more changes.

And I always will want more change, not because I am ‘greedy’, but because to not want more change, is to stay the same, and I want to grow in understanding of myself (the only part of LIFE I have any control over), in intuition, in trust, in faith, in joy and in LOVE of LIFE.

And as I grow, in these wonderful ways, those that matter most to be, grow too in the same ways, and we all give more of what matters to us, and receive more too.

It is, or can easily be, the same for you too.

But change can be seen as very hard.  Frightening, lonely and unstable….’Can I stick with it?’ unstable.

 When LIFE gets more turbulent, sadder or you simply get tireder, it can seem very easy to revert back to where you were, even after you have made the change.

Here’ a powerful truth, often when you revert back, the change simply hasn’t had enough time / practice to become your ‘new you’, you have let the change slip out of your awareness, and that is when it can be easy it can  sink back into feeling weaker, a failure, but never braver for trying.

The truth is, Change is not hard, it is NEW – and that’s a very different energy.

• Hard can imply a tough slog, a mountain to climb, being motivated and positive (which are great states of mind, but when you are tired, lower, in need of comfort and support, they’re gone).
•  New, can imply exciting, learning, discovery, a fresh start through a process not tried before

Can you feel how different the energies are just from reading those two sentences?

Approaching Change from the perception of it being Hard is going to daunt you, no matter how much you want/need/ long for it.

I want to shift that for you, right here, right now, and to give you valuable insights, that if you act on them, will allow you to start to make the changes you want, today.

Here’s how.

Think of what you want to change – become very clear on what the outcome of that change will sound, look and feel like to you.  Dream it out and put it down on paper.

Next, ask yourself the following questions

• What have I tried so far to make the change?
• What processes have I used?
•  How many times have I tried these processes?
•  What is the result of the processes I have used?
•  What stopped them working (specifically, don’t write ‘ME’ or anyone else)?
•  At what times did the process work?
• At what times didn’t the process work?

 And now for crucial questions,

•  What differences can I now see? and
• What new information do I need to know, understand and trust to make the changes work and last?

 It is key to any change, that you know what did work, and when, and what didn’t work, and when.

When you have the differences, you look at what you could have done differently in those moments/situations, and what you will do differently next time.

If you follow the above, and truly do the gentle, self-curious, new work, you will start to discover who you really are, what you really need and when, and then take self-loving action on what you learn.

And of course there is a fast track to change, hire a LIFE Coach.

I am the LIFE Recovery Coach who has walked many painful walks, learnt a new way of living, continues to invest heavily in honing my skills, delivers powerful, transformative results through a framework of change that works in consistently, and in every area of life, makes change exciting, fun and walks by your side, every step of the way.

That is what NEW change is, and that is available to you whenever you are ready.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia x