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Trauma and Healing…LIFE LESSONS

If you are struggling to release TRAUMA, this is for you…..

Last year was one of the hardest, most painful, frightening, confusing, peaceful and joyful of my LIFE.

The hard, painful and frightening emotions came from the circumstances of last year.

The confusing, peaceful and joyful ones came from the powerful LIFE LESSON of last year.

And now, as I daily heal, I want to share my journey with you, to help you release your trauma, and find your healing, quickly, peacefully, and finally.

The Begining

I grew up a frightened child in an unsafe environment.

Shy and quiet, it was a house of  shouting, smacking out of nowhere, and verbal abuse.

The baby I was, was the same as you, we all came into this world, expecting love and care.  And I was handed to, at their core, and in their essence, loving, caring parents who wanted the best for me.  But were drowning in their own past experiences, lack of money, too many children and religious dogma.

I felt the verbal abuse, I was scared of the smacks.

My mother would shout my name in a tone I remember to this day, and I would wet myself.

I didn’t see their exhaustion, their financial fears, the religious conflict, the hormonal stress of having so many children.

I simply felt the ‘snap’ that each of these stresses caused.

And so my trauma began, and my sense of self, my fears, and lack of worthiness of love, was formed.

Now you might read my works and think, ‘poor child, I was lucky, I had loving parents, my life childhood was happy and supportive’, and I hope those are your memories.

But the truth is, trauma isn’t just caused by the BIG stuff.

Trauma is caused by any event that you do not  have the resources to process.

So you can be traumatised by a running spider, a hairy eight legged creature you saw as a child racing towards you…you don’t know what it is, you don’t know what its doing, its ugly, it scares you, maybe your mother, friends or siblings scream, and you are jolted into trauma.….do you recognise that?

And without the awareness and resources to understand my childhood, to even know that I was traumatised, I didn’t heal myself, and I took them all into my adult LIFE.

 

Here’s how my TRAUMA showed up

 

😢 Addictions to drugs and alcohol.

😢 To relationships that I didn’t fit me, that reinforced my wounds

😢 To crippling depression and anxiety

😢 To people pleasing, binge eating, jealousy, anger and resentment, and probably much more that I can’t remember now.

 

And that sad truth is, I accepted who I was in my Trauma, as my real self – a self I was ashamed of, despaired on, and felt I couldn’t change.

 

Now thank God, I have the deeper understanding of myself and my past, and I know how to help myself heal.

 

How to support myself

How to process trauma, and how to simply let it go.

 

So, here is my recent trauma, and the LIFE LESSONS it has gifted me……

 

Last year I moved house after my relationship of 25 years ended because I wanted to explore who I was, and live a different LIFE.

I stayed in very close loving connection with my former partner, who loved me too much to make things hard for me when I left, and we found a new relationship of complete friendship and support.

Less than 3 months after I left, he suffered a massive stroke.

I was the first one at the hospital, and the relief in his face to know I was there,  he was safe, holding him tight, even though he couldn’t speak and was paralysed was absolute.

For 7 weeks he clung to LIFE, as his sons and I clung to him.

And then surrounded by our love, his hands held tight, his spirit left his body, as we said words and prayers of love we knew he could hear, outloud.

I was devastated.  We were devastated.

The emotional bomb that had been ticking from the day of his stroke, exploded, and we couldn’t see or speak from the heavy, blinding dust of grief that filled our eyes and mouths.

A new normal was coming.  A LIFE without him.  A LIFE we never expected, a LIFE we had no idea how to navigate…..the journey of healing began.

 

One year later, full of peace, sadness, joy, gratitude and LOVE, here are the LIFE LESSONS I offer you in support of your trauma, however old, however new, that can be adapted to whatever pain you struggle with.

 

💫 The meaning of LIFE is LOVE.  Look at LIFE through the lens of LOVE.  It is a softer, gentler lens where TRUTH reveals itself. And if you cannot LOVE who you are with, or the circumstances of your LIFE, then LOVE yourself enough to create DISTANCE.

 

💫 ACCEPTANCE is key. What happened was meant to happen (no matter what it is, it is done).  You will probably never know why, so stop looking for answers.  Start from where you are and move forwards.

 

💫 Take TIME to focus on HEALING, find the books that resonate, the podcasts that offer a perception of LIFE, that eases your pain. Talk to those who also seek healing, who are healing, who have healed.  Learn from them, take what resonates and create your own Healing path.

 

💫 Put yourself FIRST….nourish you mind, body and spirit.  Rest.  Be very kind and gentle with yourself.  Laugh, cry, talk, reach out.

 

 

💫 REFLECT on what you learn, keep it in your awareness, have gentle conversations with yourself that take you deeper into understanding…the deeper you go, greater freedom and peace you have.

 

💫 REFRAME the thoughts and feelings that cause you guilt, anger, frustration, pain.  Look at them from a different perspective.  You were doing your best (and you always are, everyone else always is).  BREATHE out the negative, BREATHE in your REFRAME.

 

💫 Practise COMPASSION instead of JUDGEMENT – this transformed my healing around my mother and I now feel complete peace and love for her and her struggle.  I know she never wanted to hurt me, I know she was doing her best, and I believe that absolutely.

 

💫 Keep your HEART OPEN – Lean into GRATITUDE for the small and the big things.  Be grateful for LIFE, for who you are, for what you have, for the wonder of having had the gift of your lost loves.  Gratitude changes everything.

 

And in the context of my TRAUMA and loss last year, this has given me the greatest peace.

 

💕I know that his final day was just his DAY.

💕You will have your DAY.  I will have my DAY, everyone will.

💕And although his DAY was too soon for us, it was still his DAY, and I am so grateful I was able to spend it with him.

💕And finally, you don’t know when your DAY will come, so remember, what you do between your TODAY and your DAY is all that matters, is all that you have, so make TODAY COUNT!

 

If you are a MidLIFE Woman who feels trapped in your past, living with stress, anxiety and frustration,  and seeking the way to a happier, brigher, future of success, purpose and joy, then I invite you to join my private community, where you will learn the simple easy answers to find the life you dream of.

 

Click on the link below

 

MidLIFE Women THRIVING

 

And always, be very kind and gentle with YOU.

Sonia x

Sonia Grimes, the MidLIFE Woman Coach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emotional Sobriety is the KEY to Changing your Drinking

Emotional Sobriety is the KEY to Changing your Drinking

Dry January is the perfect time to reset your drinking and re-asses your relationship with alcohol.

The energy around Dry January is powerful and positive, the emotional support is huge and everywhere, and as you go through the days, these are the energies that keep you safe, confident and on track.  All of which is fantastic.

But I want you to be aware of one crucial aspect of regaining control of your drinking that makes ALL the difference between ongoing success or ‘failiure’.

And that is that you must be clear on the difference between Physical Sobriety (not drinking), and Emotional Sobriety.

Because if you want to regain effortless total control of your drinking,  it is understanding how to reclaim, and stay safe, in your Emotional Sobriety that guarantees your success.

Here’s why….

 Physical Sobriety is the tip of  your drinking ice-berg, it the act of drinking….it’s what you do and the consequences you see and feel, of your drinking.

The hangovers, poorer behaviours, irritability, poor sleep, weight gain, and the losses of trust and love of yourself, from your family, and maybe even your job…..

You know it’s all down to drinking alcohol, but the truth is, alcohol is NOT the driver of your drinking.

Your Emotions are….

How you are Feeling, (your Unmet Needs), and your Alcohol Beliefs (that it offers ‘comfort’, that change will be hard),  all show up as Emotions – and it is your Emotions that are the drivers (and prison) of your drinking,

When you accept that truth, it becomes obvious that to truly regain control of your drinking, you have to address your Emotions – only then does the Physical act of your drinking change easily.

After 28 years of stress and struggle around my drinking – of trying and failing to change, I am now able to enjoy a social drink with ease, because I am 100% Emotionally Sober.

 

I do not look to alcohol to make me feel  better, more relaxed, give me peace, pick me up or anything else.  I have no Emotional attachment to alcohol at all….and without any Emotional attachment, alcohol has become  just a drink, like tea, or soda.

 There is never a ‘pull’ towards alcohol, no stress, or struggle.  No mind battle, or cravings and definitely no need for willpower….I can take it or leave it, with grace and ease.

To make it clearer, I want you to imagine a tree – Physical Sobriety forms the branches, but it is always Emotional Sobriety that is the sturdy trunk that supports them.

I know that the easy way to create lasting change to your drinking, that frees you from stress and anxiety, you must take a deeper dive into learning, understanding and accepting that developing the simple skills of Emotional Regulation, which address both your Unmet Needs, and challenges your Alcohol Beliefs.

 Emotional Regulation is the key to Emotional Sobriety, and to creating the long lasting change to your relationship with alcohol you desire.

Reclaiming control of your drinking, is not just about saying ‘No’ to a drink.

It’s about saying ‘Yes’ to a LIFE where emotional balance anchors the journey towards authentic and sustainable well-being.

To support you, I’m sharing my;

5 Top Tips to Emotional Sobriety

Read each one, at least ONCE, internalise the message and take the easy actions.

Pause and Breathe

Begin with a simple pause. In the demands of LIFE, take a deep breath.

Allow yourself the space to acknowledge your emotions without judgment.

Breathing mindfully becomes your anchor, giving you the space to recognise your emotions and react differently by creating clarity of your needs in any moment.

Name Your Needs

Dive into self-awareness by identifying your Unmet Needs.

What are you truly looking for?  Connection, Validation, Support, Nourishment, Rest?

Naming your needs is the first step in meeting them.

Listen to the truths that come from you heart, and gradually, align your actions to satisfy those needs authentically.

Question your Alcohol Beliefs

Challenge the beliefs you hold about alcohol through non-judgemental, curious questionning.

  •  Are you using it as a crutch, a reward, or a social lubricant?
  •  What will actually happen in any given situation if you don’t drink?
  • Will you cope?  Yes, Will the world end?  No.
  •  What do you learn more about what is /isn’t acceptable to you, and create boundaries around them?  The answer is an easy, YES, if you really are committed to this journey.
  • Question the Social Beliefs around alcohol?
  • Do they work for you, or do they keep you trapped?

 Connect your Heart and Mind

Nurture a strong spiritual connection between your heart and mind.  Do the things, the activities, and rituals that  feed your soul – whether it’s through meditation, nature walks, or creative expression.

I know how important this connection is, in transforming your drinking.  It creates balance, wellbeing, peace within which is the bedrock of both Emotional Regulation and Emotional Sobriety.

 Let Supportive People Support You!

Surround yourself with a tribe that understands and supports your journey. Share your aspirations, challenges, and victories with those who uplift you emotionally.

Find a network of like-minded individuals provides a safe space for growth and reinforces the importance of Emotional Sobriety.

And if you don’t know your tribe, I have one waiting just for you, that I invite you to join;

MidLIFE Women Ready to Take Back Control of Alcohol

This is a FREE private space where you will learn the deeper truths about your drinking and how to regain control of it from its roots in Emotional Sobriety, to the success of Physical Sobriety.

 

Insights from a (formerly) Drunk Mother – Book

For the 28 years I struggled with my alcoholism, I don’t know how I managed to hold on to my sanity…and looking back now, I’m not even sure I did.

Seen the rear view mirror of my life so far, my drinking, and my struggle to change it, to regain any control, to set and stick with any limits, looks and feels like a form of insidious madness.

Alcohol dominated my waking thoughts, and my restless nightmares.

Every morning was a new opportunity to feel a helpless, totally lost, hungover and desperate.

Every evening another opportunity to show myself what a weak, drunk, failure I was.

And whilst this was my life for over 28 years, most people had no idea of what I was putting myself through.

I smiled, I laughed and at times, had the surface level happiness, which I took for joy, but in reality, it was only ever a paler, greyer shade of life, and I didn’t even know it.

And I tried to change my drinking.  My God I tried.

As a single mother to the most precious tender jewel of my son, I fought every day to be more than I was, to be who he deserved, but I wasn’t strong enough….

I did my best, and my best was cr@p….

The more I consumed alcohol, the more alcohol consumed me.

I wish I could write that the mountain of love I had for my son was enough for me to change my drinking, to get a grip of my drinking, to be stronger…but the truth is, I knew he would be better off without me.

I knew he would grieve for the loss of the lesser me, be wounded to his heart and soul, and still I believed that the mother I was back then, so far from what he wanted and deserved, was all I was. Was all I had to offer, and that I was simply never going to beat this thing, and never, ever going to be good enough.

Such hard words to write.

And then everything changed.

No drama or emotional electric shock jolted me out of my drinking.

I simply had a moment of awareness, a sudden infinitesimal kaleidoscope shift of awareness, that changed my view of possibility and reality, which resonated with me on the most fundamental level.

And, when that happened, I felt the years old, longed for sigh of relief rise up from somewhere deep within me.

A sigh that opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to a very different perspective of both myself and my relationship with alcohol, and I knew….I KNEW,  I could change.

I knew I could stop drinking.

I knew I could be different.

I knew I could be the woman and mother I longed to be

And in that moment of acceptance, I felt trust. I stopped fighting, and my personal yellow brick road back to peace of mind, joy, love of life and freedom started to reveal itself.

 ******

This book contains the insights I have learnt on my journey back to safety, self-respect and ease as I released myself from my alcoholism, depression, my painful past, binge eating, and the feelings of never being deserving, never good enough, and back into the sunshine of peace of mind, happiness,  balance, love and success.

I know that changing your drinking is not hard, it does not take long, and it certainly doesn’t have to be a never again solution.

And my purpose in writing this book, is to detail the process of powerful change that has transformed every area of my LIFE, as well guiding 1000’s of clients world wide out of the pain of their drinking, and back into peace.

Please read this book in the order it is written. Do not skip to the end.

There is no, one single magic moment of change that you can jump too….this is a journey, a journey which starts where you are now, in your alcohol pain, and ends with you back into alcohol peace.

And there is a foundation, to your journey.  It is crucial that you are fully aware, and accept the truth of this foundation, because when you do, the rest of the journey makes perfect sense, and you will feel your excitement grow as you learn the deeper truths of your drinking, and the easy way to change it.

At the end of each chapter, I have listed the bullet points of the biggest insights for you to revisit.

As well as some powerful questions to help you deepen your awareness of who you are being when the desire to drink shows up.

Why?  Because with every change, it is vital that you keep in your awareness’s what you have learnt, to power you forward.

New information (thoughts) can slip out of your awareness.  Which is understandable.  You are used to your exhausted, outdated thinking around your drinking, and so those thought patterns are initially stronger.

However, when you absorb my words, and create your new perceptions, your thinking will change.

To make your change as easy as possible, I am sharing with you the powerful formula I give to my clients to keep them in their new awareness’s.

Here it is;

RECALL, REFLECT, RESET, REACT

Recall – Read the bullet points

Reflect – Reflect on the truth of them, you know they are true because you feel  it. You feel more settled, open, calm and hopeful.

Reset – The feelings of being settled, open, calm and hopeful, naturally reset you.  You come out of stress and anxiety, and closer to peace.

React – When you are closer to peace, you easily react (drink differently). them.

Are you reeady to end your drinking pain, to find freedom from your confusion, fear, anxiety and stress around alcohol, and to step firmly back into the incredible human you truly are?

It’s time.

Let’s dive straight in to the TRUTH about the root of your drinking…..

 

Next Chapter COMING SOON.

 

If you are ready to embrace your freedom, peace and control around alcohol, I invite you to join my private community, MidLIFE Women Taking Back Control of your Drinking, where I share all the insights from my book, as well as offer free training sessions, support and fun….now is your TIME, make it COUNT!  Here’s the LINK to request entry

 

 

Want to Change Your Relationship with Alcohol, this is the START……

Want to Change Your Relationship with Alcohol, this is the START……

Are you ready to step into a profound new awareness about your drinking trap, that will allow you to change your drinking with grace and ease? 

 

Then read this, let it settle, and then read it again, because it holds a very powerful truth that you can easily act on…..

 

You NEVER sit down at the end of the day, with a drink in front of you thinking;

 

“I’m really looking forward to drinking too much, to feeling anxious, irritable and out of control”

Or

“I’m so happy to know that tomorrow morning I will feel upset, hungover, disappointed and totally fed up with myself”

 

And yet, you KNOW, that these are the consequences, (the every time RESULTS) of your drinking…..

 

However you DO sit down at the end of the day, with a drink in front of you thinking;

 

“Thank God I can relax now – I can shut down my bloody mind chatter, I can have a break, feel a bit of peace, switch off, and let the day go”

 

The bottom line of your drinking struggle is, the INTENTION before you drink is to ‘feel better’, the RESULT, is you feel worse…..

 

And in those two sentences is exactly, and the ONLY reason why you are still trapped in your drinking, your drinking thinking, and the stress, anxiety, confusion and despair your drinking creates.

 

Your mind battle isn’t you vs alcohol….your mind battle is between;

 

The INTENTION behind your drinking –  to make you feel better.

And the RESULT of your drinking – that you feel worse, and in greater need of feeling better…….

 

And so the cycle continues.

 

Imagine now, if you no longer held the INTENTION that alcohol makes you feel better….

 

Imagine how differently you would drink, if alcohol no longer represented feeling better to you.

 

When the INTENTION of comfort is gone, you easily drink differently…..

 

So the one question I want you to ask yourself tonight, that will allow you to change your drinking is,

 

“What is the INTENTION behind my drinking, what do I want from this FIRST drink?”

 

Whatever answer comes up;

 

Relaxation

Peace of Mind,

Time out,

To feel less lonely or bored….

 

Take a breath, a long, slow deep breath, and ACT on your need….

 

And if you say you don’t know how….imagine a friend had said to you that they needed Relaxation, Time out etc, and what answer would you give them?

 

You will give the answer that is right for YOU!

 

Changing your drinking is not hard when you focus on the currently unknown INTENTION behind your drinking, because that’s where the answers are.

 

Changing your drinking, is very, very hard, when you focus on the known RESULTS of your drinking, because that is not the driver of your drinking.

 

I am currently writing my process of easy change in a book, ‘Insights from a (formerly) Drunk Mother – the process’

If you would like to be kept up to date on my message of how powerful change really happens, join my newsletter, where I will share it as I write….💯

The FOUNDATION to Changing your Drinking is….

The FOUNDATION to Changing your Drinking is….

In this blog I tell you exactly what your drinking problem really is, the foundation of it, and give you some easy tools, to help you start your journey to changing your drinking, TODAY.

I want you to read at least once, let the truth of it settle, and then ACT on it, even if, right now, you think, it won’t work. It will make sense, and when you surrender to the process, it will, completely.

The problem of your drinking, lies in your ALCOHOL BELIEFS……

In any context, BELIEFS, are simply experiences you have personally had, or seen, and the thoughts you have about those experiences, that you believe are 100% to be true.  You run them on repeat and they get stronger.

In the context of Alcohol, your experiences could be;

  • That you felt more confident when you drank when you were young,
  • That you fitted in better when you had a drink,
  • That life was more fun and exciting when you had a drink…

All of which would have contributed to creating the BELIEF, that alcohol made you ‘feel better’…..and ‘better’ is comfort.

BELIEFS start in your Conscious Mind, in your thoughts, and settle in your Unconscious Mind as feelings.

Your Unconscious Mind is your superpower, it controls 98% of your behaviours, and when you have a BELIEF in place there, you will always act on it….which is fab for Limitless BELIEFS, and devastating for LIMITING BELIEFS….which in the context of your drinking are;

“Alcohol brings me COMFORT”

“Changing my drinking will be hard”

“What can I do instead of drink to make me feel better”

“I won’t fit in without a drink”

These and many more are all LIMITING ALCOHOL BELIEFS…

Regardless of how damaging LIMITING BELIEFS are to your happiness and wellbeing, the highest intention behind them is always to bring you COMFORT…..and when you try to stop or change any behaviour round a BELIEF, you experience feelings of fear and anxiety, as your Unconscious Mind feels you will deny yourself comfort.

In fear and anxiety, you are trapped. 

You will do anything to COMFORT the fear and anxiety, and when you have ALCOHOL BELIEF, that alcohol brings you COMFORT, you will drink.

And this is true of any behaviour you feel out of control of….shopping, food, gambling…the more you feel fear and anxiety when you think of stopping, the stronger the desire for the behaviour…you always give in, and you give in to find COMFORT.

Your ALCOHOL BELIEFS show up in many ways, the two most easily recognised are;

💯 Your inner mind battle

💯Cravings and Willpower

You think, you want to cut down or stop, your ALCOHOL BELIEF is that stopping / changing your drinking will be hard, you feel anxious, depressed, fearful and stressed,  and you drink, to COMFORT your anxiety, stress and fear.

Whilst the feeling of stress, anxiety and fear are in place, you will always, always struggle to change your drinking.

And the more you ‘give in’ (drink), the more evidence you have that your ALCOHOL BELIEF is true, and the stronger the BELIEF gets.

To successfully find peace and control around your drinking, you must use an approach that does not directly focus on alcohol but accepts that the only way forward is to address your ALCOHOL BELIEFS, starting with the Core Belief being, Alcohol brings you COMFORT – your Core Belief is the foundation stone for every other BELIEF, so the quickest way to bring down the prison wall of your drinking, is to release your Core Alcohol Belief. When that is done, your other Alcohol Beliefs, dissolve naturally.

It is not hard to release your Alcohol Core Belief, it simply takes, intention, awareness, and gentle consistency.

The simple work that releases your Alcohol Core Belief, does not exhaust you, take stress, struggle or cause you anxiety or fear (your drinking does that), it is a liberating journey of understanding, peace, happiness and joy.

Your new goal  is to re-connect with your true needs, which allows you to find healthier ways to provide COMFORT,  manage stress or emotional triggers that may lead you to drink to COMFORT.

Here are some of the strategies, I use with my clients, that accepts the truth of ALCOHOL BELIEFS, and emphasizes providing alternative sources of COMFORT:

🌟 Identify Triggers and Emotions:

Keep a journal to track situations, emotions, or stressors that trigger the desire to drink. Understanding these triggers will help you recognize patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

🌟 Mindfulness and Self-Reflection:

Engage in mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. This will help you become more aware of your emotions and cravings without immediately acting on them.

🌟 Emotional Regulation Techniques:

Learn and practice emotional regulation techniques to cope with difficult emotions without turning to alcohol. This can include talking to someone you trust, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative outlets like art or music.

🌟 Find Alternative COMFORT Sources:

Identify and cultivate other activities, and that does not mean finding ‘distraction’. It means finding ways to deliver COMFORT and joy. This could be spending time in nature, pursuing hobbies, spending quality time with loved ones, or practicing self-care (time to read a beautiful book, have a lovely bath).

🌟 Reframe Your Alcohol Beliefs:

Gradually challenge and reframe BELIEF that alcohol brings COMFORT. Remind yourself, without judgement or criticism,  of the negative consequences that drinking can have on your well-being, relationships, and overall life satisfaction. 

🌟 Set Realistic Goals:

Avoid setting strict, all-or-nothing goals, as they may create additional tension. Instead, focus on gradual progress and celebrate each step you take towards reducing your alcohol consumption.  There are no small wins on any LIFE journey, so celebrate YOU.

🌟 Practice Patience and Compassion:

Understand that changing deep-rooted beliefs and behaviour’s takes time. Be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the process, and avoid self-criticism if you experience setbacks – you are on a journey of self-discovery, and setbacks, are Golden Opportunities to discover more of your needs….take the new learnings, and add them to your bank of self-knowledge for next time.

Remember, the key is to find healthier ways to address the need for COMFORT and support while gradually challenging and shifting your Core Alcohol Belief, around your drinking.

These simple, empowering tools increase understanding yourself. They build resilience, as you embrace positive changes in your life.

Changing your drinking doesn’t need a ‘quit drinking plan’, you need a LIFE Plan….a way of recognising your ALCOHOL BELIEFS when they show up, to know and understand your LIFE when they show up, and how to respond in a way that easily delivers the comfort you need, and releases your Core Alcohol Belief at the same time.

That’s it. That’s all. 

If you are ready to fully immerse yourself in a new approach to changing your drinking, with grace and ease, let’s talk.

My Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method has a £500 discount in JUNE, spots are limited and 95% of my clients drinking changes in WEEK ONE.

All you need to do is commit, and contact me HERE.

10 Questions to Free You from Your Alcohol Pain, Effortlessly

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