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The Image that Took Me to Tears……

The Image that Took Me to Tears……

I didn’t plan to write this message, but it is just too powerful not to share.

I’m sitting in my new office, unpacking my books and I came across this pic of my son, Christopher, taken in 2004, when he was 6 years old – I kept all the ‘proof cards’ as book marks.

A tender shoot of a child, vulnerable in the way all 6-year old’s are.

 So small in a huge world, unknowing, yet learning, observing his world around him, trying to make sense of what he saw, and relying on his only parent, his mother, me, to support, cherish and nurture him. To be his safe place, his home.

And I was a drunk.

A seemingly happy, yet truly sad, lonely in myself, frightened woman with no self-esteem, exhausted with people pleasing, with no sense of my heart centre, relying on what I saw through my eyes (my head) to make my decisions.

And because I only relied on what I saw, on my knowledge gained through other’s experiences, trusting in others beliefs about change, and of the world, his young life, and our life together, was sadder and greyer than it should have been and we didn’t even know it!

I am crying as I write this. His beautiful face…..

And I tried to change, my God I tried….. to be free of my drinking, to be assertive, to create and maintain the boundaries we both needed for us to be happy and healthy, and I failed. I always failed.

But not now.

Now I truly know, understand, believe, and have the gift of a teacher, how any and all change truly happens.

And it is not when you stop doing or being who you despair over, but BEFORE that – the BEFORE change that you cannot see in front of your eyes, is what allows you to release your fears of life, fears of failure, fears of not being good enough, or strong enough to have / stick with the change.

The stopping of whatever your struggle is, and the trust in yourself, the peace and the freedom that comes with it, is the RESULT of the powerful change that goes on first behind your eyes.

And when you know understand this process, it can be replicated and applied to any and every area of your life where you feel less than you truly are.

When you know, trust and understand YOU, without judgement, and how to simply pause and observe what you have learnt to believe is true, how to question it, and how to shift away from your behaviours that hurt you, and into behaviours that heal you.

To make any personal change you MUST first understand the patterns you run that you cannot see – you only see the results of the patterns in your behavours – and you don’t even need to know when they were created, that’s irrelevant now…..you don’t need to go on an emotional archaeological dig.

You simply need to have new understandings, a new way of perceiving what you do and when, and some simple strategies that become a way of LIFE easily to find peace, freedom, happiness, success and healing.

That’s it. That’s all.

The only question I have for you is,

 “Are you prepared to let go of what you know doesn’t work, to expand your awareness into new and different truths, and to journey out of your head (your mind struggle) and into your heart (trust) to have the LIFE you deserve?”

If you are, and you are committed, let’s chat

LIFE is beautiful and, like my Christopher’s childhood, it will never come again, and every day, YOU get to choose whether to stay stuck, or find freedom.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia xx

 

PS, for January ONLY I am offering a HUGE 50% discount of both my 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method, and my 4 week LIFE Recovery Coaching, AWAKEN program.

Spaces are limited, and this offer will NEVER come again, so if you are ready to enjoy deep, profound, heart sighing with relief change, hit REPLY with a ME, and we can chat.

Here’s a recent Client Testimonial

 “I feel lighter, happier and more at peace than I thought possible. I didn’t like myself or my choices, and now I feel deep compassion and forgiveness for myself and for my family. My history hasn’t changed but my perception has, and that has healed my hurts”

 

Self-Sabotage and Procrastination – The ANSWERS

Self-Sabotage and Procrastination – The ANSWERS

How do you want your LIFE  to be in 2023?

Do you want to be Happier?

To Drink / Eat /Shop less?

To feel more Confident in your own skin?

To have a better job, a new career, more nurturing relationships, more Peace and Joy?

My God, who doesn’t most of these, apart from one or two areas I don’t struggle with, I want them too!

And what will you do to move yourself forward, to make 2023 the year of YOU.

The year when you truly get to know who you are?

When you accept, forgive and LOVE who you are, as you are, and just for now, where you are, so that you can move forward in peace?

When you are finally able to recognise the old stories that pop up, the unconscious patterns you run, when success is within sight, and you ‘relapse’ into old behaviours of People Pleasing, allowing yourself to become Stressed, Anxious, Overwhelmed.

Or to relapse into your old Drinking / Eating behaviours.

Without truly knowing YOU, change is very, very hard.  When you can’t ‘see’ , can’t identify the patterns you run behind your eyes, before you act/don’t act.

What you can’t ‘see’ leaves you blind to you, and you can quickly get caught up in your overthinking mind that presents problems, not solutions.

Your overthinking mind that projects into the future, your learned fears of your past, because it is all it knows.

And when that happens, you go into Self-Sabotage or Procrastination, and you stay stuck in the same old, same old, you are desperate to be free of.

But the truth is, both Self-Sabotage and Procrastination are your ways of ‘protecting’ yourself from ‘failure’ – if you don’t try, you won’t fail.  It is as simple as that.

Except that Protection is not the same as HAPPINESS, and happiness comes through being who you truly, are and accomplishing the goals you long for.

  •  Protection is closed down, contracted, hard, keep out, stay still.
  • Happiness is open, expansive, trusting, moving with grace and ease

Let’s have some science – the more you understand and believe the truth, the easier LIFE gets…..Self-Sabotage and Procrastination lie in the survival part of your brain, the oldest part of your brain (your Lizard brain), whose sole reason for existence is to protect you.

Your Lizard brain is where the resistance to change that seems threatening comes from.

Your Lizard brain is the voice that says “Stop, don’t go there” – and you feel worried that people will laugh at you, that you can’t do it etc, and although you feel ‘bad’, anxious, tense, despairing when that voice comes up, it is still the voice you listen too, the voice you respond to….

It  is very, very powerful, until you understand these truths and then act on what you know.

And now that you do know, even briefly, what Self-Sabotage and Procrastination really are, what can you do to achieve your dreams, your goals?

Here’s some simple TIPS that I use when I recognise my old Lizard starting its job, and they WORK, you simply have to do them.

Set clear Intentions to your dreams – make them as real as if you have them now.  Write down what you will have see, hear and feel when you have achieved your dreams – that in itself will quieten your Lizard brain as clarity brings certainty that you lack with just day dreams of LIFE

Go into profound Gratitude – journal every day on what you are grateful for, who you have (even if they have passed from this Earth), your breath, your heartbeat, your loves, your dogs, the sun, whatever it takes.

Shift your energy from fear to happiness, from contraction to expansion – dance, sing, get outside in nature, do anything that brings you joy and takes you out of your own head.  Why, because in expansion your Lizard brain feels safe.

And no matter how big your dreams are, you don’t have to take big steps every day – LIFE isn’t all about the quantum leaps we hear of.

Small steps every day that build one on another IS enough, when your intention is clear and you are moving in the right direction.

So, now that you know the reasons and mechanisms behind Self-Sabotage and Procrastination, around your own happiness. What are you going to do differently?

Let me know, and as always and forever,

Be very kind and gentle with YOU

Sonia x

 

PS. No matter where you are stuck in LIFE, everything can change. And the change you are looking for is not hard, it is new – a bit like this blog.

The simple framework I created for profound change is the same one that changed my drinking, ended my binge eating, self-harm and allowed me to build my own business, have the happiest, healthiest relationships of my LIFE, and to grow daily into the mother, woman, LIFE Coach and emotional healer I was born to be.

If you would like a chat about your way forward, contact me HERE

Change isn’t Hard, it is NEW

Change isn’t Hard, it is NEW

What do you want to change in your LIFE?

  • The way you Eat, Drink, Shop?
  • The way you Over-Give, Under Receive, People Please?
  • Say ‘Yes’ when you mean ‘No’ or the other way around?

And what would the change you long for and deserve, bring to your LIFE?

Do you even know? Or is the result of your change just a hazy dream without colour, sound or feeling, always just out of reach?

Although I have made massive changes in my LIFE, around my Drinking, my sense of Self-Esteem, my sense of Worthiness, ending my People Pleasing….that was a biggie, I want more changes.

And I always will want more change, not because I am ‘greedy’, but because to not want more change, is to stay the same, and I want to grow in understanding of myself (the only part of LIFE I have any control over), in intuition, in trust, in faith, in joy and in LOVE of LIFE.

And as I grow, in these wonderful ways, those that matter most to be, grow too in the same ways, and we all give more of what matters to us, and receive more too.

It is, or can easily be, the same for you too.

But change can be seen as very hard.  Frightening, lonely and unstable….’Can I stick with it?’ unstable.

 When LIFE gets more turbulent, sadder or you simply get tireder, it can seem very easy to revert back to where you were, even after you have made the change.

Here’ a powerful truth, often when you revert back, the change simply hasn’t had enough time / practice to become your ‘new you’, you have let the change slip out of your awareness, and that is when it can be easy it can  sink back into feeling weaker, a failure, but never braver for trying.

The truth is, Change is not hard, it is NEW – and that’s a very different energy.

  • Hard can imply a tough slog, a mountain to climb, being motivated and positive (which are great states of mind, but when you are tired, lower, in need of comfort and support, they’re gone).
  •  New, can imply exciting, learning, discovery, a fresh start through a process not tried before

Can you feel how different the energies are just from reading those two sentences?

Approaching Change from the perception of it being Hard is going to daunt you, no matter how much you want/need/ long for it.

I want to shift that for you, right here, right now, and to give you valuable insights, that if you act on them, will allow you to start to make the changes you want, today.

Here’s how.

Think of what you want to change – become very clear on what the outcome of that change will sound, look and feel like to you.  Dream it out and put it down on paper.

Next, ask yourself the following questions

  • What have I tried so far to make the change?
  • What processes have I used?
  •  How many times have I tried these processes?
  •  What is the result of the processes I have used?
  •  What stopped them working (specifically, don’t write ‘ME’ or anyone else)?
  •  At what times did the process work?
  • At what times didn’t the process work?

 And now for crucial questions,

  •  What differences can I now see? and
  • What new information do I need to know, understand and trust to make the changes work and last?

 It is key to any change, that you know what did work, and when, and what didn’t work, and when.

When you have the differences, you look at what you could have done differently in those moments/situations, and what you will do differently next time.

If you follow the above, and truly do the gentle, self-curious, new work, you will start to discover who you really are, what you really need and when, and then take self-loving action on what you learn.

And of course there is a fast track to change, hire a LIFE Coach.

I am the LIFE Recovery Coach who has walked many painful walks, learnt a new way of living, continues to invest heavily in honing my skills, delivers powerful, transformative results through a framework of change that works in consistently, and in every area of life, makes change exciting, fun and walks by your side, every step of the way.

That is what NEW change is, and that is available to you whenever you are ready.

Be kind and gentle with yourself

Sonia x

 

The ONE Shift that Transformed My LIFE!

The ONE Shift that Transformed My LIFE!

Where do you look to find the answers that will change your LIFE?

The miracle answers to your drinking and how to change it, to you eating and how to control it, to your feelings of stress, anxiety, overwhelm?  To your lack of self-confidence, people pleasing, low self-esteem….to any of the answers to the ‘problems’ of YOU?

Do you look to self-help books, inspirational / motivational speakers/preachers?  To those who have walked your path and found the happiness, peace and calm in LIFE that is all you ever wanted?

Maybe you look to those who have struck out on their own, have a simple idea and made a fortune and then promised you can do it too?

And with all the mountains of material out there, some free, some very expensive, have you got what you were looking for, what you are searching for, what you ache to have in LIFE?

For almost 30 years I searched and re-searched the answers to the ‘problems of me.  To my lostness, my lack of love, my hurts, my drinking, my everything that was wrong with me – and there seemed plenty.

And in every book I read, in every program I signed up to, in every video I watched.  I learnt something, it made sense, and I couldn’t do it.  Or not for long.

I couldn’t make the changes to my LIFE I dreamed of….and my dreams might not have seemed big to others, to be sober, to be happy, to have peace, to be proud of myself, to be a wonderful mum, but to me, oh yes to me, they were my hearts desires, my hopes, my daily prayers, and they never came true.

But I couldn’t achieve any of my dreams by following someone elses advice, or journey, until I shifted ONE thing.  Just one, and this is it.

 I stopped looking to anyone else to provide me with the answers to ME.

And here’s why I had spent my time looking to others for the answers, and why their answers didn’t work for me…..

From our earliest days, we are taught to listen and learn from our parents, teachers, others who have learnt more than us, before us, and accept the knowledge that they give us as truth.  The only truth.

And of course, in terms of science, maths, the sun rises in the morning, the sun sets at night and so much more, that is absolutely true.  8 x 8 always and forever equals 64….its never going to becomes 59 or anything else …..

And that works in so many areas of LIFE.  It bring certaintys, and as humans we all thrive on certainty.

But when it comes to YOU, to how you function, what you are capable of, what you need to understand that resonates with you and your soul, your path, you have (innocently) abdicated responsibility to others to solve the ‘problems’ of YOU, when they can only really solve the ‘problems’ of them…..

Does that make sense?

And you don’t even realise you have done it!  You are simply following the pattern of learning you were taught as a child.

However, you are not a child any longer, and now, if you are reading this, your Happiness, your Health and your HEALING may well depend on you starting to question everything you learn.

That is literally what I did, and I believe that if I hadn’t stopped looking to any other source for the answers to the ‘problem’ of me, than me, I would be dead, my life exhausted by trying to do what didn’t / couldn’t work for me, or still living the half life existence I felt completely trapped in.

I’m not suggesting that you ignore all the resources out there – I didn’t ignore what I learnt, but I didn’t accept it as the only truth, the only way, and instead I checked in with myself before I accepted it as MY truth, and if it didn’t resonate, asked myself with gentle curiosity, “What else might be true?”

I started to investigate me….I became the Super Sleuth of Sonia.

 

I still read, watched the resources available and then questioned them in the context of me, of my world, of what I had believed to be true, and again, what if something else was true, and what might that be?….

I was honest in my answers, accepted full responsibility for owning my choices and understanding why I made them at times, and not at others, and this created a whole new bank of information about ME, that was true. 

And, as I recognised the truth of my learnings (wisdom),  from there I had no fear, just curiosity, and I was able to act differently.

I stopped relying on anyone else to heal me from my drinking, eating, self-despair.  That is not to say I didn’t lean into the knowledge to support my LIFE changes, but I didn’t at any time expect to read my truth in any book.

That is my truth when I started my LIFE changes, and it is my truth still today.

And in case you fear what you might learn about you, here is another truth of mine, and yours.

I have learnt nothing about me, who I am, my needs or how to deliver them that have hurt me in anyway.

What I have learnt about me, especially in the areas of which I was hurt, is not that there is anything wrong with me, but that at some points in my life, the little girl I was, became confused and felt unsafe in the world around me and in the people I trusted, and I became trapped in the moment and stayed there.

And what did I do each time I found her?  I simply picked her up in my emotional arms, took her to my heart, poured the love and compassion that heals all wounds and integrated her safely back into the heart of the woman I have become.

This is how I changed my LIFE, by becoming me.

By accepting where I was and moving forward from there on my path.  By forgiving myself and others, by abandoning judgement of myself and others, by delivering compassion and love to myself and others.

That is the the ‘secret’ recipe to Happiness, to Health and to HEALING – it is never found in any book, it always found in you!

By knowing, accepting, taking responsibility for and loving YOU, your way.

I hope this gives you inspiration to start to look within as well as without to change your LIFE. 

The without holds very valuable information that can lead you gently within, when you question and check in with YOU.

If you need any help finding your best LIFE, for finding your Happiness, Health & Healing, contact me HERE and lets’ talk. 

You are a joy, LIFE is a joy, you just to re-connect with you.

Be kind and gentle with yourself.

Sonia x

The TRUTH about CHANGE & HEALING

The TRUTH about CHANGE & HEALING

Two weeks ago I was sitting by a pool, looking out over the harbour, in a space of peace, calm and happiness that had very little to with the location, but were simply enhanced by its beauty.  

My thoughts were drifting past me, no energy attached to them, until two questions did catch my attention, they were;

“How did I change from who I thought I was, into who I am now?”

“When did I change?”

Strange questions, and I don’t know why they came up, but as I have learnt to do, I let them settle and started to reflect on my LIFE’s journey.

To gently look for the answers to questions I hadn’t previously thought were important, but now I wanted to know, and, as with all gentle, non-judgmental reflection, the answers came flooding in.

I want to share with you what I now understand, in the hope that my reflections give you greater insight into the truth about change and empower you to make the LIFE changes you deserve.

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first. As you may know, I struggled with out-of-control drinking for almost 30 years, and the price of my struggle was sky high. 

It felt as though the loss of self-respect, self-esteem, truth and faith in myself (to name a few ‘losses’), wore a hole in my heart.  And I believe my actions wore a hole in my son’s heart too.

I also believe that both those holes have healed through my change of behaviour, honesty, love, compassion and forgiveness.  So I will not dwell on those any longer.

Changing my drinking was a massive shift for me, and from that one shift, that one understanding about MYSELF, not alcohol, that hadn’t existed before, I became what others have called, inspirational, brave, strong…..none of which is true, I just understood the nature of change, and in that understanding I found the keys to profound, easy change, which are;

Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST

Let me break it down further.

Clarity gave me both greater and new Understanding and the willingness to understand that there was more to learn beyond what I had always accepted as true.

Understanding gave me new Confidence to explore other ways of thinking.

Confidence made me feel Safe to accept wisdom instead of just knowledge.

Safety allowed me to TRUST

To Trust in myself and my ability to follow through on my decisions in a way I hadn’t done before, to not drink without fear or stress.

With these in place, I couldn’t fail, and I didn’t fail.

But my drinking wasn’t the only part of me that Changed and Healed.

In the past I had really struggled with jealousy, resentment, a smallness of mind, and anger, emotions that I was ashamed of then, and embarrassed to write now. I had also felt unworthy and dishonest.

And I really disliked those aspects of myself, but had also, with great sadness, accepted as part of who I was.  Part of my makeup.

I had tried many times to rationalise with the good kind, loving woman I also am, to try to understand the roots of these painful emotions, so that I could let them go, and to be honest, had gotten nowhere.

But now they are no longer there, and I wasn’t even aware that I never, ever experience any of them, or even when I stopped experiencing them! 

I only realised as I sat by the pool, that I had profoundly changed in ways I hadn’t even noticed. That in going through the process of change above, I had found myself again.

And in finding myself again, I had reconnected with who I truly am, and that the negative parts of who I thought were me, were only able to flourish in my lack of understanding and accepting who I am, and delivering the compassion and love to myself, that heals all hurts.

There are still many, many things I don’t know about myself, but I do know this, and it applies to each and everyone of you too.

No matter where you are, or where you have been, ONE change and healing in your LIFE, has the power to change and heal every area of your LIFE.

I also know that the process of change and healing is the same regardless of where you feel trapped, paralysed, lost, confused, isolated and fearful.

But to live the change you want, it is so, so important that you don’t focus on the ‘what you do’ of the change you long for, the way you drink/eat/people please/over give/under self-care….by focusing on what you DO, you are missing all the signs and signals that allow for easy change and healing, when the focus only needs to be who you are BEING to YOU, when you DO them. ..   Does that make sense?

Here is a truth that you might find hard to accept, as it asks you to take responsibility and act. It is your truth and mine.

Change is a process, a simple process, that is not hard, it is new

Easy change comes from a new way of thinking, feeling and acting.  That’s it.  That’s all.

But because you can’t ‘see’ the process, it seems hard, and you question yourself

  • Where do I start?
  • What do I do?
  • Will it last?
  • Will I be safe?
  • Can I trust this / me?

And in those questions, there are no answers that offer you the vital ingredients to change,

Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST

And so the change you long for, you dream of, stays a mysterious, out-of-your-reach miracle, that you hope and pray for, but never arrives.

But when you have Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST, you don’t even need to know every step before it unfolds.

You simply take the steps over and over again, as you walk down the path of what change truly is, a wonderful journey of self-discovery, where you realise that no part of you is painful, or bad, or unworthy, or wrong or anything else you might have learnt to believe is true of you, and in doing so, you HEAL.

Where you fully accept who you are, what your dreams are, and your deservedness to have them all.

Again, Change is not hard, it is new.

It’s like learning to drive with an instructor, practising, and then having the freedom to go where you choose.

Don’t overthink change. Don’t add extra layers of stress that will halt change, instead, breath, relax your mind, tell yourself how proud you are of YOU, and in that energy, keep taking the next best step for you.

Are you ready for profound, deep down, long last Change and the HEALING that comes with it?

If you are, lets talk (you can contact me HERE)

And always and forever

Be kind and gentle with you

Sonia x

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