Two weeks ago I was sitting by a pool, looking out over the harbour, in a space of peace, calm and happiness that had very little to with the location, but were simply enhanced by its beauty.
My thoughts were drifting past me, no energy attached to them, until two questions did catch my attention, they were;
“How did I change from who I thought I was, into who I am now?”
“When did I change?”
Strange questions, and I don’t know why they came up, but as I have learnt to do, I let them settle and started to reflect on my LIFE’s journey.
To gently look for the answers to questions I hadn’t previously thought were important, but now I wanted to know, and, as with all gentle, non-judgmental reflection, the answers came flooding in.
I want to share with you what I now understand, in the hope that my reflections give you greater insight into the truth about change and empower you to make the LIFE changes you deserve.
Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first. As you may know, I struggled with out-of-control drinking for almost 30 years, and the price of my struggle was sky high.
It felt as though the loss of self-respect, self-esteem, truth and faith in myself (to name a few ‘losses’), wore a hole in my heart. And I believe my actions wore a hole in my son’s heart too.
I also believe that both those holes have healed through my change of behaviour, honesty, love, compassion and forgiveness. So I will not dwell on those any longer.
Changing my drinking was a massive shift for me, and from that one shift, that one understanding about MYSELF, not alcohol, that hadn’t existed before, I became what others have called, inspirational, brave, strong…..none of which is true, I just understood the nature of change, and in that understanding I found the keys to profound, easy change, which are;
Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST
Let me break it down further.
Clarity gave me both greater and new Understanding and the willingness to understand that there was more to learn beyond what I had always accepted as true.
Understanding gave me new Confidence to explore other ways of thinking.
Confidence made me feel Safe to accept wisdom instead of just knowledge.
Safety allowed me to TRUST
To Trust in myself and my ability to follow through on my decisions in a way I hadn’t done before, to not drink without fear or stress.
With these in place, I couldn’t fail, and I didn’t fail.
But my drinking wasn’t the only part of me that Changed and Healed.
In the past I had really struggled with jealousy, resentment, a smallness of mind, and anger, emotions that I was ashamed of then, and embarrassed to write now. I had also felt unworthy and dishonest.
And I really disliked those aspects of myself, but had also, with great sadness, accepted as part of who I was. Part of my makeup.
I had tried many times to rationalise with the good kind, loving woman I also am, to try to understand the roots of these painful emotions, so that I could let them go, and to be honest, had gotten nowhere.
But now they are no longer there, and I wasn’t even aware that I never, ever experience any of them, or even when I stopped experiencing them!
I only realised as I sat by the pool, that I had profoundly changed in ways I hadn’t even noticed. That in going through the process of change above, I had found myself again.
And in finding myself again, I had reconnected with who I truly am, and that the negative parts of who I thought were me, were only able to flourish in my lack of understanding and accepting who I am, and delivering the compassion and love to myself, that heals all hurts.
There are still many, many things I don’t know about myself, but I do know this, and it applies to each and everyone of you too.
No matter where you are, or where you have been, ONE change and healing in your LIFE, has the power to change and heal every area of your LIFE.
I also know that the process of change and healing is the same regardless of where you feel trapped, paralysed, lost, confused, isolated and fearful.
But to live the change you want, it is so, so important that you don’t focus on the ‘what you do’ of the change you long for, the way you drink/eat/people please/over give/under self-care….by focusing on what you DO, you are missing all the signs and signals that allow for easy change and healing, when the focus only needs to be who you are BEING to YOU, when you DO them. .. Does that make sense?
Here is a truth that you might find hard to accept, as it asks you to take responsibility and act. It is your truth and mine.
Change is a process, a simple process, that is not hard, it is new.
Easy change comes from a new way of thinking, feeling and acting. That’s it. That’s all.
But because you can’t ‘see’ the process, it seems hard, and you question yourself
- Where do I start?
- What do I do?
- Will it last?
- Will I be safe?
- Can I trust this / me?
And in those questions, there are no answers that offer you the vital ingredients to change,
Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST
And so the change you long for, you dream of, stays a mysterious, out-of-your-reach miracle, that you hope and pray for, but never arrives.
But when you have Clarity, Confidence, Safety & TRUST, you don’t even need to know every step before it unfolds.
You simply take the steps over and over again, as you walk down the path of what change truly is, a wonderful journey of self-discovery, where you realise that no part of you is painful, or bad, or unworthy, or wrong or anything else you might have learnt to believe is true of you, and in doing so, you HEAL.
Where you fully accept who you are, what your dreams are, and your deservedness to have them all.
Again, Change is not hard, it is new.
It’s like learning to drive with an instructor, practising, and then having the freedom to go where you choose.
Don’t overthink change. Don’t add extra layers of stress that will halt change, instead, breath, relax your mind, tell yourself how proud you are of YOU, and in that energy, keep taking the next best step for you.
Are you ready for profound, deep down, long last Change and the HEALING that comes with it?
If you are, lets talk (you can contact me HERE)
And always and forever
Be kind and gentle with you