Your world has shifted yet again! I wonder how many more times I will write that. Now you are in Lockdown, severely restricted around leaving your home, or doing any of the things you have taken for granted for so long, and without any real idea when it will end.
Your health and the health of your loved ones is uncertain, schools closed, business closing, and you seem to have very little control over the future – your morale keeps dipping, not matter how hard you try to keep it up there.
My loves and I are safe and well, so I know how fortunate I am, but of course I still my dips too, and my most recent, in the scheme of things small, but at the time to me big, came about because I had planned, since January, to take My Girls (my 2 doglets) on a walking holiday in March. Three days of much needed re-connecting with myself and of regrouping on every physical and emotional level, as the three of us walked around the coastline. I had booked a chalet on the beach in Devon, and it is literally my idea of heaven. I have been going there 4 times a year for over 30 years.
I went when my mother was killed, 29 years ago and when my Dad finally passed in October 2018.
I have been visiting the same place, and do the same things, through the highs and lows of my life, and I feel at my most connected there, so to not go, and the decision made one day before I was due to leave, was a real blow to me, even though I knew in the previous week, it was unlikely to happen.
Plus, I lost my money, which no-one can afford to do right now. So, on the morning of my departure date, which was the first day of Lockdown, I was feeling very dispirited and low.
Then I took My Girls for our walk. I went to a lovely wood close to my home. The sun was shining, and My Girls, as usual, almost combusted with joy – honestly they act as though every bit of food they get is the first mouthful they have been fed in a month, and every walk as a release from their ‘chained-up-in-a-shed’ lives – it is so embarrassing, especially as they are treated like princesses!
Anyway, as we walked, the sun warmed my face, comforting my disappointment, anxiety and fears, and I felt my jaw loosen and my breathing slow as I took in the gifts of the world I am so blessed to live in.
There are always very precious gifts that remain all around you, regardless of what is going on in life.
The daffodils were still growing, the birds still soaring above, the huge Red Kites dipping down and gliding back up above my head.
And then I noticed something else, in this state of national emergency, when travel is restricted, the blue sky was, an unseen in the last 20 years of my life, an uninterrupted expanse without the constant planes overhead and the wood, close to the road as it was, silent of the cars that usually rushed past.
In the midst of all this turmoil, our plant, our Mother Earth is breathing a deep, long, grateful sigh of relief that we have stopped our ‘doing’ and she is allowed to regroup, to heal, to flourish again.
You must take this opportunity to do the same. You have been stopped in your ‘doing’ tracks, and now is the time to ‘be’.
To become close to one another again emotionally, if not physically, by reaching out to the aunt/uncle/friend that is always on your ‘I’ll must call them, tomorrow will be easier’ list – a tomorrow that as you know too well, never comes.
Now you have the time to set up a virtual coffee and chat. Make it a different person every day, maybe even make some a weekly event. Do this at least every other day. Connect with them, talk to them, nourish and be nourished by your contact with them.
Reach out to the nightmare family member – just by text if that’s all you can face (they are still a nightmare) – check in on them, tell them you are thinking of them and if you love them, tell that too. Do it for your sake, and let that ripple out.
You don’t have to pretend to be best buds, but knowing that you should reach out, and then doing it, will give you a level of peace you need.
Be kinder to yourself. Get to know who you really are, and what you really need. Relax into the enforced ‘stopping’ of your rushing around, in your attempts to acquire the ‘stuff’ you feel you need, but is not necessary, is actually irrelevant and sometimes even damaging, to your ‘being’
Make a list of the books you would like to read, and then buy/download one a week. Listen to an audio book as you move more gently through your day.
Do some loving decluttering, the physical letting go of no longer needed objects also enables you to let go of the no longer needed thoughts and feelings.
Create more space in you inner and outer world.
These small things will start to gift you back the peace and balance and contentedness that you lack, and it is the lack in your life that is the fuel of your drinking.
The universe has created this time for you. This is a time of transformation on every level. And not only is now the time, now, you have the time.
The time to heal, if you choose to.
If you use this now wisely, it will be the greatest investment of your time you will ever make.
Stuff the new car, the new clothes, the holidays, etc – the things you buy to make you ‘feel better’.
Take this time to be the person who truly feels better, who is better because of your new ‘being‘. Now is the time, like our planet, for you to start your self-loving process of healing.
All this will pass, and whilst you go through this process, be very kind and gentle with yourself.
There has never been a more a more important time for you to invest in being your best physical and emotional self, and you know that alcohol takes you further from that you.
You cannot know where you will be in 6 weeks time in your outer world, hopefully things will be more normal, but you can’t be sure of that.
However, I can tell you 100%, that if you do take responsibility now to invest in you, you will effortlessly return to being the quietly naturally resilient woman you were born to be, able and confident in your abilities to give and receive the care, love you need and deserve without any need of alcohol to ‘get you through your days’. That is the is the result you will have at the end of the 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process.
If you know, within you that now is your time to invest and commit to YOU, contact me here to book an Exploratory Call
A gentle reminder, in the storm of this Pandemic, that YOU are AMAZING.
In these very anxious
times, with concerns for your health and the health of your loved ones, it is
easy to spiral into fear, panic and self-pity, and it would be understandable.
We don’t know what is going to happen in the next few weeks, months or even days.
But to be honest, we never know any of those – it’s called life.
We can plan, and then
our plans can change dramatically, and out of nowhere, because ultimately, we
are not in control of any external situations. The only place
we have any control over is our own inner world.
This week I took a much older friend shopping, he wanted to go with me as an outing after a coffee, but the sight of the grabbing crowds and empty shelves in the usually sedate supermarket frightened him.
He needed toilet paper and there was literally none. I told him I had plenty to share (which in this non state of toilet paper was not true, but knew I would deliver what he needed in a heartbeat), yet still he looked around bemused at the shift in his world view of the things he took for granted.
He went to put his
finger in his mouth in anxiety and then the miracles started to happen.
A young women with
two small children who probably would have passed him by, busy in her own
world, stopped his hand gently and said, “Oh don’t do that yet love, we’ve got
to look after you” and squeezed some of her hand sanitiser into his, before
rubbing them together for him.
Another woman, seeing
his confusion, at the people swirling around him, stopped her shopping and
started to chat to him, asking him questions, and making him laugh.
10 minutes later,
there was a tight group of us, all strangers, standing together, drawn like the
incredible magnets we women are to another human we sense in need, gossiping,
giggling, comforting and brightening all of our day’s.
As we slowly
dispersed, thanking each other profusely for the small time out we had taken to
support each other, my friend turned to me, relaxed, all anxiety gone, and
said, “That was lovely wasn’t it, I have had such a nice time”
These women are who
we ALL are, underneath the stresses and worries of life. An underneath that
comes rushing to the fore, for others when they need it most, yet the rest of
the time we don’t even notice the existence of that us.
Yet we always instinctively know
how to reach out, to care, to support, to encourage, to show love, compassion
and kindness, because it is our natural state of being.
When you are standing
in YOU, there is nothing you can’t do, achieve or be. Nothing.
When you are standing
in YOU, you are your true, brave, resilient self, with grace and ease.
That is who you
reactions are just that, led by your instinct, that superpower that
you have learnt not to trust as you have bought into a world of acquisition, of
having more and of doing more, at huge cost to your being.
Too often you
innocently buy into that world, and the way of living of that comes with it, that
leaves you depleted, overtired, under nourished, under comforted, under
supported and misunderstood, by YOU.
When you are living
in that way, you become disconnected with who you are, and in the disconnection
You drink to find the
connection, the support, the comfort, the peace, the calm that is lacking.
And even when you do
come into the awareness of those inner neglects, and you desperately want to
drink differently, you don’t know how break your drinking cycle, and you become
more fearful, more stressed, less calm, less peaceful, without knowing why, and
so the cycle continues and grows.
Do you recognize you
The reason you struggle to change your drinking is two-fold
1 Alcohol is your learnt method of comfort (in whatever way comfort is needed in the moment), so by trying not to drink, or not drink as much, you are saying to you, that you will deny yourself that comfort when you need it most.
2 You don’t know how change the way you drink. And in that not knowing, you believe you are weak, a failure, flawed, and so much more, that take you even further from who you are, leaving you even more in need of comfort!
It is that simple. That is your alcohol trap.
I DO know how to change the way you drink, effortlessly, and it is NOT hard – (watch my free Understand Your Alcohol Trap Masterclass, to help you understand, http://bit.ly/2w2gPUY and check out my Testimonials page to see how easy my clients have found changing (not stopping), the way they drink)
I was trapped for 28
years in my alcohol hell not because I was a weak failure, who was hopelessly
reliant on alcohol, but because I didn’t trust who I truly was.
Who I truly am, is
who you truly are too.
The women who stopped in the shop are all of us.
Good, kind, loving, compassionate, resilient, doing your best every day to be your best, instinctive women who are gentle warriors at heart, but who have lost a little bit of faith in you, because you have tried, but cannot change, the way you drink.
Make this your time to
Take responsibility for you to Let This Go NOW.
Stand up for YOU, no-one else can do it for you.
No-one else can invest in you and get the results you want and deserve.
No else can deliver your freedom, only you (with some inspired and unique coaching from me, another woman who has been where you are now and is effortlessly free).
Own YOU, invest in
YOU, and you are free.
Love & respect to
I created the unique, 6 week, 1-2-1, Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method, for incredible women like you, who know that the life they deserve is not found in a wine bottle, and who are committed to taking the easy steps to becoming effortlessly free.
It is the solution I developed from the experiences of my drinking life, my sudden effortless freedom, the extensive research into the human design and the training’s I have invested, which I have bought together, and use to successfully coach 100’s of women to powerful freedom.
Some of my clients have been to rehab more than once, and then ‘failed’ when they stepped back into their lives, and yet all of them have found the peace around alcohol they deserve, through this process.
None of my clients
want to never drink again, all of them want to lose their ‘need’, which they
At the end of the 6 week, Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method, you will be completely relaxed and comfortable around alcohol & alcohol situations, and still be able to enjoy the occasional, social drink.
The Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method isn’t for you, if
- You want to continue to rely on the energy exhausting methods of willpower, motivation and control.
- If you are not ready to step into YOU.
- If you are not looking to invest in being your best you, then it is not right for you.
- If you are looking for a magic wand – this is not a ‘learn a few new strategies and you are done’ process. It is a way of living that asks you to take loving ownership of you and, to work commit to being that you.
The Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method is for you if you are,
- Ready for your life of freedom from the stress, anxiety and pain of your drinking.
- Ready for lifelong change.
- Ready to invest in being your best you, one time and for life.
- Ready to own how amazing you truly are and to care for you in the way only you can.
If now is YOUR time to own your freedom from your alcohol pain and to regain your peace, let’s talk. Before we do, and in case you missed it earlier, take a look at my recent Testimonials, and decide if you are ready to make the best investment of your life, and step back into the strength, comfort, love and support of YOU.
If your decision is “Yes, this is my time, I am ready to be free!”, I offer a complimentary Exploratory Call, to see if the Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method is right for you. This call alone will give you comfort and support.
If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE). I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
During my drinking years, my first waking thought was a dull, painful, despairing “What’s wrong with me?”, a thought that created the unexpressed sob of sadness, lodged, frozen in my chest, cooling the warmth of my loving heart , and all because I had drunk too much the night before, as I did every ‘night before’.
Each day , without fail, I would look in the mirror, into my frightened of life eyes, and promise myself that I would not drink tonight.
In all my promised ‘not tonight’s’ I would be the sober, engaged, emotionally stable mother, partner, friend I longed to be, but couldn’t quite find. And I would mean those promises from the bottom of my wounded heart.
Today would be the day that everything changed, that I changed.
Today would be the first day of my in control drinking life – I never promised myself a ‘never drinking again’ life – let’s not get carried away here, the thought of that was terrifying. No, I would settle for a safely ‘not every night drinking’ life. My decision was made (again).
And I would feel a little better about myself. Just enough for me to face my day and one-in-a-million son, with a crushing hug of love and a smile of hope, if not quite the happiness we both deserved.
But unbelievably, every day as the hours slipped by, my thinking would shift and the old thoughts of alcohol would, seemingly out of nowhere, sneak back in and, as they settled, they grew, literally multiplying in size and intensity, as I attempted to calm them, to control them, to plead with them, to find ways of working my way around them. It was both exhausting.
I would be pleading with myself, to protect me from me. To protect my health, my wellness, my mothering, and what almost felt like my sanity, from the harsh noise in my head.
I would be begging me to stop, and for reasons I never understood (but do completely now), I couldn’t/wouldn’t, and ultimately didn’t listen, and again, as with almost every night for 28 years, I seemingly ignored every instinct for my wellbeing and the wellbeing of my son, and drank, in tears after the first few sips (scratch that, gulps).
The constant cry from my heart, during those sad, isolating times, where I was so far from who I knew myself to be somewhere deep inside was, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Why can’t I change?”
And the answer, the simple compassionate answer, that I now know to be absolutely true of myself, and true of you too, is that nothing was wrong with me (or you).
I wasn’t broken, or flawed, I wasn’t weak or a failure, I just didn’t know how to stop, and nor do you. Because if you did, by God you would.
I hope that your drinking life isn’t the same chaos as mine. But the fact that you are taking the time to read this, means that you drink in a way that concerns you, and that concern ultimately is about your inability to stop – maybe not completely, but to choose when you drink, rather than feel compelled to, and to be able to let go of your energy sapping alcohol thinking, feeling storm that overwhelms you to the point where you have to drink to end it. You just have to.
I understand you completely and I know why you can’t (just for now) make the changes you deserve.
You drink in the way you don’t like for ONE reason and ONE reason only.
To make yourself feel better – whatever feeling better is to you in the moment.
And here is where the problem truly lies, you drink with the INTENTION of making yourself feel better, which of course is in direct conflict with what you KNOW on every intellectual level possible, that feeling better will not be the result.
In fact you are completely aware that you will feel worse, and that knowledge makes absolutely no difference, as your INTENTION, your perceived need for alcohol as your method of ‘comfort’ is always so much more powerful.
So, what is your intention behind your evening glass of wine?
Maybe it’s to find a little peace, a bit of calm, some you time, some confidence, to feel less lonely.
Or maybe your evening glass of wine is a marker at the end of your working day, before you start on your most demanding ‘evening’ job of being a mother. The job you love most in the world, and gives the most to you, yet takes the most from you too, both physically (cooking evening meals, homework supervision, dog walker, extra curricular activities driver – wow, that’s exhausted me just writing it), as well as emotionally (confidante, comforter, worry remover) whatever you are needed to be when you are at your most depleted.
When you are tired, probably hungry and needing some quite time and a bit of comfort yourself.
And in the absence of acknowledging your own basic, simple to deliver, with a little pre-planning, tweaking and communication requiring needs, you ignore you and push forward and use wine to deliver the ‘comfort’ you truly need.
You treat yourself as though you are a machine and wine is the fuel of your engine. Wine ‘get’s you through’, ‘helps you relax’ and of course it doesn’t do either, but you have learnt to believe it does, and then you beat yourself up for trying to comfort yourself!!
Do you recognise you here? I definitely
You go to bed, ‘wined up’, probably have a poorer nights sleep, feel low the next day and promise yourself, ‘not tonight’.
You are back on the hamster wheel of your drinking, and you will stay there in discomfort and unhappiness, until you start to shift your awareness of you back to you, and acknowledge and care for you.
Ultimately you cannot change because you have lost sight of who you are, what you need and your deservedness and self-loving responsibility for delivering those simple needs. And, in your innocent awareness of what is going on, you focus on the alcohol being the problem that needs to be addressed, when it is your lack of understanding of you, lack of connection of you to your needs and self-care of you that is the issue.
Then, (and here’s the A word again), in the absence of any awareness of what you are lacking, your ‘need’ for alcohol, or your fear of life without it, will never go. It can’t. For now you feel that alcohol brings you ‘comfort’ and you cannot live uncomforted.
Effortless change starts with the intentional awareness of what you are looking for, in intention, when you pick up the glass for your first drink.
From that intentional awareness, you can start to gently question yourself and listen to your answers.
Take the few seconds that is all you need to ask yourself “What do you need from me right now darling?” then pause, breathe deeply and allow your answers to bubble up from your heart, from your soul. They always come when you allow them too, when you ask yourself with kindness and love. One thing I can absolutely promise you is that alcohol will not be one of them!
Allow yourself to receive your gratefully acknowledged, heartfelt answers of “I need some rest/quiet time, a hug, some fresh air, a kind word, nourishment” and you will notice with relief that you can deliver all of them to you. Even the hug and the kind word.
Everything starts with with how you are towards you.
In that simple asking of me, what I needed from me, and trusting myself to consistently easily deliver, my ‘need’ for the non-comforts, of alcohol no longer existed. It really was as simple and self-loving as that.
There is no effort to changing the way you drink, there is never any effort in loving yourself. You have simply forgotten how to.
Yes, it is very helpful and supportive to have some simple strategies to keep you safe as you re-connect with you, but they are part of who you are, nothing new to learn, just to re-connect with.
Change seems hard to you because you are putting all your energy on trying to PUSH open your door to peaceful freedom, when all it needs is a gentle PUSH, you just can’t see the sign.
If you are ready to re-connect with who you are, on the most joyful journey back to peace and freedom, let’s talk. I offer a COMPLIMENTARY 20 Minute Recovery Coaching Call, and that alone will offer you the start of the awareness you need to be peacefully free.
If you are ready to be peacefully free, with ease and confidence, contact me here.
The life you and your loves deserve it waiting for you it and it always will be, it is who you are and how you are designed to live.
Love & respect
If you would like to know more about how my unique Recovery Coaching works, take a look at my How I Work For You page.
And, finally, I promise, if you would like to know more about my journey into and safely out of addiction, here’s the link to my Internationally Acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me. x
This Isn’t Me is the painful story of my journey into a heroin addiction and recovery, and then subsequent alcohol addiction that lasted over 27 years. It is about the horrifying shock of realizing that my alcoholism was impossible to overcome, even with all the available interventions and professional support I engaged with for over 15 years, when I had successfully overcome heroin with none.
It details the relationship between myself and my now 19-year-old son. About being a single mother and the absolute joy of the gift of him. A joy that turned into the crippling nightmare of severe post-natal depression, requiring in-house psychiatric care on two occasions, and my return to drinking and then self-harm to cope.
I write of my despair on realizing that I would die an alcoholic after being informed that my liver was damaged. Of the deceptions and self-disgust, of my complete desperation to be different.
And then it details the miraculous, magenta moment just over three years ago when I just stopped drinking. No last drink, I simply stopped. Of the “how” and “why” of my stopping. My sobriety is easy, and I do not attend any interventions or have any therapy or support. I just don’t drink. Even after my first sober, truly painful experience of loss of a loved one, alcohol did not enter my mind. I even have alcohol in the house, I just don’t see it.
It tells of my total commitment to helping my son heal as much as possible in a healthy way where his hurts and confusion are discussed and talked through, as and when he needs those conversations. I write about where I am now, where we are now in our relationship, our closeness, our friendship, our love and understanding.
Available only on Amazon. Click link here AMAZON, This Isn’t Me
“This book has saved my relationship with my son”
“I myself have been alcohol free for 6 years I don’t like the term in recovery. I cannot recommend this book highly enough written with such honesty and truth I can totally relate to. It has helped me to be more open with my children about our experience during my drinking days I really felt like it was written about me we are now going to start family therapy thank you Sonia.” Lisa
“I couldn’t put this book down. The author writes with honest simplicity about her journey through drugs and alcohol, never once seeking to shock or elicit sympathy, she Just tells it like it was. Pages written about her relationship with her son pulled at my heart strings and I felt her pride as he grew into an amazing young man. Well done. I think we can all learn about ourselves and whatever demons we battle from this book. I’ll certainly be thinking about my choices.” E Kirby
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I am here to help xx
It’s 6 am and I am up and out in the garden with my Gorby Girl and a huge cup of green tea. I would like to tell you I am in my daily sober zen zone, that I have stretched and meditated, and am calm and focused on the day ahead. Except I am not. My puppy is running around barking at frogs, I have just spilt tea on my leg (it really hurts) and I am emotionally gearing myself up for a visit from one of my gorgeous brother’s who drinks like a fish. Happy Saturday!
Now as a formerly (drunk) mother, you may think that I shall be employing some form of majestic, iron clad willpower to resist the tidal wave of booze that is coming my way this afternoon. That I must be putting my emotionally protective soldiers in place, bayonets ready, to ward off any temptation. Maybe planning out my strategies and the conversations I might need to employ to stay in my sober zone. None of those are true.
I have willpower, an abundance of the stuff in fact, but I never utilize it to not drink. I don’t need to.
We only need willpower to resist doing what we desire, the things we do want to do, not the things we truly don’t. And because of our desire, it is the hardest, least successful method of long term change.
Last week was tough for me on a number of levels. I won’t bore you with details, but it ground me down and certain events caused me a great deal of emotional upset. For me, drink is off the table. It’s just not an option. There is no desire. Been there, done that, nearly killed myself, so no thanks. Cheesecake however holds center place. I think for the last 5 days out of 7, I have bought cheesecake to comfort myself. And on some levels it has.
We wouldn’t eat the crap, drink the booze if there was no sense of comfort gained, temporary though it only ever is.
However last night I went shopping and didn’t buy the cheesecake. I saw it, still wanted it and an inner tussle ensued. This time though I employed my PAUSE and in that pause, before my willpower was called into action, I re-thought the ‘why’ of my ‘need’ for cheesecake I understood and acknowledged the ’emptiness’ I was trying to fill, and let the thoughts of cheesecake drift away. Great stuff. I left the shop contented, in peace and went home happy.
However, had I actually allowed myself to enter into the internal dialogue, the fight of should I/shouldn’t I, the self-justifications versus the recriminations, I might have been able to walk away with my willpower coming out on top (doubt it though). But how would I have felt? Triumphant, yes (over ignoring a cheesecake……..!), but also exhausted, probably on some inner level upset that I was missing out and definitely fearing the next time I would have to employ my weary willpower.
But by recognizing my thinking of what I expected from this over sweet, processed sugar fest, by asking myself what I actually needed emotionally, by acknowledging how I was feeling and giving myself an emotional cuddle – I have even got into the habit of putting my arms round myself wherever I am and whenever I need it – I was able to let go of my desire, my ‘cheesecake want’ and move on without even asking my willpower to join my unhappy inner party.
At the risk of repeating myself, which I will because this point is so important, we only need to use willpower against something we desire.
Understand and acknowledge the emotional ‘why’ of your wants and desire is lessened, making choice much easier because you no longer feel you are missing out on anything. And when you truly feel you are not missing out, desire simply drifts away and willpower becomes redundant
Initially, in tougher time, at least to start with, desire may well come back, maybe in a different form, but the same strategy of understanding and acknowledging does work and you will build your truly comforting resilience muscle. So much more effective than any willpower.
So, this afternoon I will have my lovely, kind, funny and no doubt very drunk brother to stay. He will come back from the pub with my son – God help my precious boy – where he will, no doubt, have honoured our Irish heritage with a few ill thought out ditties before stumbling back here with vodka.
I will be sitting serene(ish) in my garden with my tonic water, struggling to understand his anecdotes. My willpower though unemployed in that moment, will be fiercely called upon tomorrow morning, as I am already weary with the knowledge that I will have to get out of bed and walk Gorby at 6am on a Sunday morning after only 4 hours sleep.
Love & respect
If you would like to know more about my journey to sobriety, check out my memoir, This Isn’t Me.
To understand how I help clients, take a look at my Working with Me page, and Practical Techniques for Recovery page.
Or join the Breakthrough Community Newsletter for regular updates and support