How many times have you woken up hungover, embarrassed, ashamed and said ‘Never again’ to the Demon Drink?
You have made the decision to stop, or to cut down, and you have done it! For a couple of days week, a month, maybe even longer………… and then gone back, maybe with the intention of ‘just the one’ and found yourself free falling in to your old ‘I can’t control it’ drinking habits, and feel you have ‘failed’ again.
Welcome to your Stop/Start drinking cycle, an inexplicable cycle that you just can’t explain.
However I can, and on a very basic level, here it is.
- You drink, you get drunk, you feel rubbish you STOP
- You don’t drink, you feel great, you feel energized, happier, more confident, more alive, and proud. Something shifts. You decide to ‘reward’ yourself, and you START. Again.
Now there can be many variations on why you STOP, there is only ONE reason why you START again.
For your STOP, maybe you frightened yourself by your drinking, maybe you upset someone very special, you know why you make the change.
And it seems to be the same with why you START again. Maybe someone upset you, you found yourself completely stressed, overwhelmed, unable to cope with a situation or just bored or lonelier.
However, there is only every one reason you START again, and that is to make yourself ‘feel better’. This is the absolute truth, even of the ‘reward’ reason.
You don’t reward yourself for feeling brilliant. You are not in ‘need’ of reward then, the brilliant feeling IS the reward.
Instead you reward yourself for your achievement, in your case of not drinking, of doing so well.
Yet the very need for ‘reward’ means that you are feel something slightly lower, maybe the voice chatter has come risen a few decibels and it has become harder to ignore it, or you are tireder, just a little, of having to try. Whatever it is (and the unable to cope situations are much easier to understand), something you unconsciously feel, is not quite as good, and you start to drink again.
And then, again, inexplicably you find yourself unable to stop. What on earth has happened to you?
It is actually very simple, – you drink to make yourself ‘feel better’, I think you know that, and whilst it is not the result, it is always the intention.
And behind that intention is your powerful, ‘Alcohol is the SOLUTION’ belief, which is kept safe and protected in your Wonder Woman strength, super power of your Unconscious Mind.
And it doesn’t matter why this belief was created, it really is irrelevant, it is how you maintain and re-enforce that belief now that needs to be shifted.
Whilst you are in the STOP phase of your cycle, and you really are feeling better, even fabulous, and your ‘Alcohol is the SOLUTION‘ belief is not needed, so it sits quietly enjoying your peace and wellbeing – the very things it wants to deliver to you.
But when you don’t feel so good – and that not feeling so good, can be as small as a bad nights sleep which leaves you feeling less able to cope, or an argument with a loved one, maybe an idiot on the road, or when you are in need of ‘reward’ – any time when you find yourself if need of comfort and/or support your ‘Alcohol is the SOLUTION‘ belief lovingly rears its head, to offer you that comfort, and if you then try to deny it without offering an alternative to your need, your Alcohol is the SOLUTION‘ belief comes raging back, to offer you whatever it is that you are missing, and you drink. Again.
That is all that happens. Do you recognize you here?
Letting go of your ‘Alcohol is the SOLUTION’ belief is the ONLY way to find peaceful freedom and to change your drinking effortlessly. But you cannot break, bully or control any belief that has an intention of wanting to comfort you. Your beliefs create our reality, and you cannot smash your reality, because ultimately you are trying to smash you, which makes your need for comfort (alcohol) even stronger!
Instead, you need to let go of the belief that alcohol is any comfort, to release the emotional attachment you have to it, but that cannot be done with talking, reasoning or any form of intellect.
Releasing my Alcohol is the SOLUTION belief, is how I became peacefully sober after 28 years when I had given up all hope of trying to change with any other method, and guiding you to it is now my area of absolute passion and expertise.
I created the unique 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process, which allows you to find your peace and freedom around alcohol effortlessly, by dealing with your drinking ‘problem’ at its cause, your innocently learned, there to comfort you, Alcohol is the SOLUTION‘ belief.
Once that is done, you have no cravings, or need for willpower, alcohol is no longer good or bad, it is a drink, you can take or leave, and so there is nothing to fight over.
The process starts with a loving deep dive into how your Unconscious Mind has learnt to believe alcohol is the solution – not ‘why’, but ‘how’ – it represents alcohol, & what your Unconscious Mind feels it brings to you. This is a huge part of why my work is so unique and life changing.
That is followed by you understanding the exact 3 step process you go through every single time you pick up your first glass, and the picking up is the last part. I work from the other way around, letting go of the first step, leaves no other steps to follow.
Freedom from the way you drink, (a freedom that is about changing the way you drink, not stopping for ever) comes from removing the emotional charge, (the feeling) of the ‘Alcohol is the SOLUTION’ belief, behind your drinking.
However, my work not only offer you freedom from your hangover, it is also freedom from despair, unhappiness, disappointment, shame, fear of failing, fear of not being the mother, partner you long to be, freedom from a life that is stress, anxiety and struggle, all of which is created by the time and energy you spend on your STOP/START cycle.
There has never been a time where your emotional and physical wellbeing is more imperative for you and for you loves, so there has never been a time where you need to end your STOP/START cycle more, and to step back into the woman you were born to be.
The price of anything is the amount of LIFE you exchange for it. How much, and for how long you paid, in LIFE the emotional, physical, spiritual and financial costs of your drinking, and how much longer are you prepared to pay those heavy prices?
The hardest part of changing your drinking is reaching out, from there, I take you on a journey of relief, release and joy, so if you would like a confidential chat, to see how I can best support you, message me and I will do the rest. The life you deserve is waiting for, are you ready for it?
Be kind and gentle with yourself.
PS. Here’s a recent client TESTIMONIAL. This amazing women is now 6 months free and sent me this, plus a follow up testimonial last week, to remind me how she was just 3 weeks into the process. She didn’t want to a ‘never again’ solution, she just wanted to freedom from your daily alcohol ‘need’, her endless mind chatter and exhausting struggle, and she has them all, effortlessly.
“From 2 bottles a night, from hiding and lying to my family, I haven’t drunk EASILY in 3 weeks and the difference is everything to me. My children come to me for a cuddle and I don’t shrug them off anymore. I only did that because I didn’t want them to smell the alcohol, but as you said, they didn’t know that was the reason. I feel joy, real joy now when we sit and watch the tv together, not thinking about wine. In fact I can’t even imagine what I was thinking before. Thanks Sonia”
Would you like to be where this amazing client is? Here’s the Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method link again in case you missed it earlier.
If you would like to join a supportive, loving community of amazing women who are on the same journey to letting go of their ‘Alcohol is the Solution’ belief, why not join my private Facebook group, From Alcohol Pain to Peace. It’s a loving safe space where I share tips and training and you get the support and care of the rest of our lovely lot!
If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book,This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE).I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
- You know deep down that you have to change your drinking.
- You know that the way you drink affects every area of your life, that you can’t compartmentalize alcohol, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself you can, and
- You know that the way you drink robs you and your loves, of joy, peace, freedom and the very best version of you.
Every morning you look in the mirror and and feel the familiar sob of sadness and despair for the dull eyed women staring back at you. You can’t remember the last time you woke up feeling rested, happy and proud of yourself.
You know you don’t look or feel your best, you need better sleep, more focus, more patience, more calm and you know, absolutely, that changing the way you drink will bring you a happy, healthier, more balanced and energized life.
Yet with everything you know, you struggle to make what should be simple changes around alcohol – maybe you don’t want to drink every night, or even just to drink less every night -it doesn’t matter, because whatever your morning decision is around alcohol, by the time evening comes, you drink. Again. Why?
It’s very simple. You don’t drink because of what you know, you drink because of what you feel. Or more specifically, you drink to comfort the way you feel. And your conflicting knowing and feeling are the root cause of the alcohol war you wage within you, every damn day.
Imagine now that you can change, and easily. That your inner war can be resolved, not by brutal defeat, but by a different and gentle understanding, that shifts your thinking and feeling into peaceful alignment. Where both sides are working for you, together.
Can you imagine that? What would your life look like, and how would you feel? There is an easy way to change the way you drink, it is the Alcohol Freedom Blueprint.
The Alcohol Freedom Blueprint is a 90 minute intensive session, that is the simple solution to finding freedom from your exhausting inner battle. It changes the way you drink immediately, by removing the stress and anxiety of thinking something is wrong with you, as well as offering you a clear way forward to delivering you back to the life of peace and joy you deserve, free from your alcohol ‘need’
From your 90 minute Alcohol Freedom Blueprint Session, you will,
- Understand the exact 3 step process you go through every single time you have to drink – and how to lovingly let go of that process at the very first step, so that you can feel comfortable and in control of your alcohol choices
- End your exhausting alcohol mind chatter, so that you have the inner quiet to focus on the joys of your life
- Find freedom from your triggers, so that you don’t waste your life enhancing energy on working out strategies for avoidance, and instead you can lavish that energy on you and your loves.
- Receive 2 personalized strategies to empower you, so that you gain joyful confidence in yourself, free from your anxious fears of deprivation
The complete Alcohol Freedom Blueprint is a completely unique process that turns everything you have read and learned about changing the way you drink on its head!
Its power and effectiveness comes from the understanding that your drinking was your ‘solution’, long before it became your problem, and that reason you struggle to make the changes you long for is that your ‘alcohol is the solution‘ belief is still trapped inside you.
Doesn’t it make sense now, that when you try to stop drowning in your ‘alcohol is the solution’, it’s going to be the hardest way to change? I mean, take away your ‘solution’ and what are you left with? Problems………..
Instead, The Alcohol Blueprint Freedom, unravels and releases the ‘alcohol is the solution’ belief, effortlessly.
The Alcohol Blueprint Freedom IS for you if,
- You know that ‘enough is enough’, & your desire to change the way you drink has become greater than your pain of staying where you are.
- You are ready to take responsibility for YOU
- You are ready to step into the woman you truly are, free from the pain of your drinking
- You are ready to embrace a process that will change your life with an open mind
But it is NOT for you if,
- You are not prepared to show up as YOU, every day.
- You are looking for a magic wand – you are the magic
- You are not ready to own your choices
- You are not ready to embrace the life of freedom that awaits you
The Alcohol Freedom Blueprint starts with you completing a deep dive questionnaire, designed to uncover your beliefs around what alcohol is to you and how you believe you will feel / cope without it, as well as asking what interventions (if any) have tried before, why you believe they didn’t work, and finally, how you would like to think, feel and act around alcohol.
This is followed up by a 90 minute, highly personalized Zoom session, where you will,
- Be coached through the 3 step process you go through every time you drink
- Know exactly you believe alcohol offers to you – this is always a huge surprise and a big Ah Ha moment!
- Identify the conflicting voices in your head, of “Have a drink / Don’t have a drink”, and how to end the battle, peacefully, with both sides acknowledged and understood
At the end of the 90 minutes, you get a your full session replay to download and watch again and again, to keep you fully supported on your journey.
So, how do I know how to help you, when nothing else has worked?
Well, I struggled for 28, long, painful years with alcohol. My drinking wrecked my son’s childhood and almost took my life.
I tried every therapy, sane and crack pot, out there to end my out of control drinking and nothing worked. Nothing.
Then 7 years ago I was told that if I didn’t stop drinking, I would die. But obviously I didn’t know how to stop, because believe me, if I did, I would have done it years before!
And instead, heartbreakingly, in my fear, confusion and overwhelming feelings of being a total failure, I started to drink more as I gave up on life, on my son, on me.
I wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t the mum he deserved. He would be better off without me.
And then I did stop! Out of nowhere, a miracle occurred (or so I thought), and it was effortless.
I was ‘lucky’ enough to have a glimmer of awareness about a possible alternative truth behind my drinking, and that glimmer was enough to shift my thinking the tiniest bit, the slightest movement, that told me that maybe, just maybe, what I had believed about my drinking, wasn’t the only truth, and that there was more to see. And so I started to look, to investigate, to research, to learn and to implement what I found.
Now, 6 years effortlessly sober, peacefully free, in a space of quiet joy and love with myself, my son and life, I have re-created the exact process of the journey to freedom I embarked on and shrunk it down into the programs I now offer, with absolute compassion and love to YOU. x
“For over 10 years I’ve struggled and tried various recovery methods including 3 stays in rehab. I’ve finally got the effortless freedom from alcohol that Sonia promises,. I can’t remember feeling happy. I am me. Thank you Sonia. I’m truly grateful” x
The investment for the life changing 90 minute ALCOHOL FREEDOM BLUEPRINT 90 MINUTE SESSION, is only £394
If you would like to know more about how this will work for you in your life, let’s have a confidential conversation, all you have to do is click to request a call below
Your world has shifted yet again! I wonder how many more times I will write that. Now you are in Lockdown, severely restricted around leaving your home, or doing any of the things you have taken for granted for so long, and without any real idea when it will end.
Your health and the health of your loved ones is uncertain, schools closed, business closing, and you seem to have very little control over the future – your morale keeps dipping, not matter how hard you try to keep it up there.
My loves and I are safe and well, so I know how fortunate I am, but of course I still my dips too, and my most recent, in the scheme of things small, but at the time to me big, came about because I had planned, since January, to take My Girls (my 2 doglets) on a walking holiday in March. Three days of much needed re-connecting with myself and of regrouping on every physical and emotional level, as the three of us walked around the coastline. I had booked a chalet on the beach in Devon, and it is literally my idea of heaven. I have been going there 4 times a year for over 30 years.
I went when my mother was killed, 29 years ago and when my Dad finally passed in October 2018.
I have been visiting the same place, and do the same things, through the highs and lows of my life, and I feel at my most connected there, so to not go, and the decision made one day before I was due to leave, was a real blow to me, even though I knew in the previous week, it was unlikely to happen.
Plus, I lost my money, which no-one can afford to do right now. So, on the morning of my departure date, which was the first day of Lockdown, I was feeling very dispirited and low.
Then I took My Girls for our walk. I went to a lovely wood close to my home. The sun was shining, and My Girls, as usual, almost combusted with joy – honestly they act as though every bit of food they get is the first mouthful they have been fed in a month, and every walk as a release from their ‘chained-up-in-a-shed’ lives – it is so embarrassing, especially as they are treated like princesses!
Anyway, as we walked, the sun warmed my face, comforting my disappointment, anxiety and fears, and I felt my jaw loosen and my breathing slow as I took in the gifts of the world I am so blessed to live in.
There are always very precious gifts that remain all around you, regardless of what is going on in life.
The daffodils were still growing, the birds still soaring above, the huge Red Kites dipping down and gliding back up above my head.
And then I noticed something else, in this state of national emergency, when travel is restricted, the blue sky was, an unseen in the last 20 years of my life, an uninterrupted expanse without the constant planes overhead and the wood, close to the road as it was, silent of the cars that usually rushed past.
In the midst of all this turmoil, our plant, our Mother Earth is breathing a deep, long, grateful sigh of relief that we have stopped our ‘doing’ and she is allowed to regroup, to heal, to flourish again.
You must take this opportunity to do the same. You have been stopped in your ‘doing’ tracks, and now is the time to ‘be’.
To become close to one another again emotionally, if not physically, by reaching out to the aunt/uncle/friend that is always on your ‘I’ll must call them, tomorrow will be easier’ list – a tomorrow that as you know too well, never comes.
Now you have the time to set up a virtual coffee and chat. Make it a different person every day, maybe even make some a weekly event. Do this at least every other day. Connect with them, talk to them, nourish and be nourished by your contact with them.
Reach out to the nightmare family member – just by text if that’s all you can face (they are still a nightmare) – check in on them, tell them you are thinking of them and if you love them, tell that too. Do it for your sake, and let that ripple out.
You don’t have to pretend to be best buds, but knowing that you should reach out, and then doing it, will give you a level of peace you need.
Be kinder to yourself. Get to know who you really are, and what you really need. Relax into the enforced ‘stopping’ of your rushing around, in your attempts to acquire the ‘stuff’ you feel you need, but is not necessary, is actually irrelevant and sometimes even damaging, to your ‘being’
Make a list of the books you would like to read, and then buy/download one a week. Listen to an audio book as you move more gently through your day.
Do some loving decluttering, the physical letting go of no longer needed objects also enables you to let go of the no longer needed thoughts and feelings.
Create more space in you inner and outer world.
These small things will start to gift you back the peace and balance and contentedness that you lack, and it is the lack in your life that is the fuel of your drinking.
The universe has created this time for you. This is a time of transformation on every level. And not only is now the time, now, you have the time.
The time to heal, if you choose to.
If you use this now wisely, it will be the greatest investment of your time you will ever make.
Stuff the new car, the new clothes, the holidays, etc – the things you buy to make you ‘feel better’.
Take this time to be the person who truly feels better, who is better because of your new ‘being‘. Now is the time, like our planet, for you to start your self-loving process of healing.
All this will pass, and whilst you go through this process, be very kind and gentle with yourself.
There has never been a more a more important time for you to invest in being your best physical and emotional self, and you know that alcohol takes you further from that you.
You cannot know where you will be in 6 weeks time in your outer world, hopefully things will be more normal, but you can’t be sure of that.
However, I can tell you 100%, that if you do take responsibility now to invest in you, you will effortlessly return to being the quietly naturally resilient woman you were born to be, able and confident in your abilities to give and receive the care, love you need and deserve without any need of alcohol to ‘get you through your days’. That is the is the result you will have at the end of the 6 week Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method process.
If you know, within you that now is your time to invest and commit to YOU, contact me here to book an Exploratory Call
A gentle reminder, in the storm of this Pandemic, that YOU are AMAZING.
In these very anxious
times, with concerns for your health and the health of your loved ones, it is
easy to spiral into fear, panic and self-pity, and it would be understandable.
We don’t know what is going to happen in the next few weeks, months or even days.
But to be honest, we never know any of those – it’s called life.
We can plan, and then
our plans can change dramatically, and out of nowhere, because ultimately, we
are not in control of any external situations. The only place
we have any control over is our own inner world.
This week I took a much older friend shopping, he wanted to go with me as an outing after a coffee, but the sight of the grabbing crowds and empty shelves in the usually sedate supermarket frightened him.
He needed toilet paper and there was literally none. I told him I had plenty to share (which in this non state of toilet paper was not true, but knew I would deliver what he needed in a heartbeat), yet still he looked around bemused at the shift in his world view of the things he took for granted.
He went to put his
finger in his mouth in anxiety and then the miracles started to happen.
A young women with
two small children who probably would have passed him by, busy in her own
world, stopped his hand gently and said, “Oh don’t do that yet love, we’ve got
to look after you” and squeezed some of her hand sanitiser into his, before
rubbing them together for him.
Another woman, seeing
his confusion, at the people swirling around him, stopped her shopping and
started to chat to him, asking him questions, and making him laugh.
10 minutes later,
there was a tight group of us, all strangers, standing together, drawn like the
incredible magnets we women are to another human we sense in need, gossiping,
giggling, comforting and brightening all of our day’s.
As we slowly
dispersed, thanking each other profusely for the small time out we had taken to
support each other, my friend turned to me, relaxed, all anxiety gone, and
said, “That was lovely wasn’t it, I have had such a nice time”
These women are who
we ALL are, underneath the stresses and worries of life. An underneath that
comes rushing to the fore, for others when they need it most, yet the rest of
the time we don’t even notice the existence of that us.
Yet we always instinctively know
how to reach out, to care, to support, to encourage, to show love, compassion
and kindness, because it is our natural state of being.
When you are standing
in YOU, there is nothing you can’t do, achieve or be. Nothing.
When you are standing
in YOU, you are your true, brave, resilient self, with grace and ease.
That is who you
reactions are just that, led by your instinct, that superpower that
you have learnt not to trust as you have bought into a world of acquisition, of
having more and of doing more, at huge cost to your being.
Too often you
innocently buy into that world, and the way of living of that comes with it, that
leaves you depleted, overtired, under nourished, under comforted, under
supported and misunderstood, by YOU.
When you are living
in that way, you become disconnected with who you are, and in the disconnection
You drink to find the
connection, the support, the comfort, the peace, the calm that is lacking.
And even when you do
come into the awareness of those inner neglects, and you desperately want to
drink differently, you don’t know how break your drinking cycle, and you become
more fearful, more stressed, less calm, less peaceful, without knowing why, and
so the cycle continues and grows.
Do you recognize you
The reason you struggle to change your drinking is two-fold
1 Alcohol is your learnt method of comfort (in whatever way comfort is needed in the moment), so by trying not to drink, or not drink as much, you are saying to you, that you will deny yourself that comfort when you need it most.
2 You don’t know how change the way you drink. And in that not knowing, you believe you are weak, a failure, flawed, and so much more, that take you even further from who you are, leaving you even more in need of comfort!
It is that simple. That is your alcohol trap.
I DO know how to change the way you drink, effortlessly, and it is NOT hard – (watch my free Understand Your Alcohol Trap Masterclass, to help you understand, http://bit.ly/2w2gPUY and check out my Testimonials page to see how easy my clients have found changing (not stopping), the way they drink)
I was trapped for 28
years in my alcohol hell not because I was a weak failure, who was hopelessly
reliant on alcohol, but because I didn’t trust who I truly was.
Who I truly am, is
who you truly are too.
The women who stopped in the shop are all of us.
Good, kind, loving, compassionate, resilient, doing your best every day to be your best, instinctive women who are gentle warriors at heart, but who have lost a little bit of faith in you, because you have tried, but cannot change, the way you drink.
Make this your time to
Take responsibility for you to Let This Go NOW.
Stand up for YOU, no-one else can do it for you.
No-one else can invest in you and get the results you want and deserve.
No else can deliver your freedom, only you (with some inspired and unique coaching from me, another woman who has been where you are now and is effortlessly free).
Own YOU, invest in
YOU, and you are free.
Love & respect to
I created the unique, 6 week, 1-2-1, Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method, for incredible women like you, who know that the life they deserve is not found in a wine bottle, and who are committed to taking the easy steps to becoming effortlessly free.
It is the solution I developed from the experiences of my drinking life, my sudden effortless freedom, the extensive research into the human design and the training’s I have invested, which I have bought together, and use to successfully coach 100’s of women to powerful freedom.
Some of my clients have been to rehab more than once, and then ‘failed’ when they stepped back into their lives, and yet all of them have found the peace around alcohol they deserve, through this process.
None of my clients
want to never drink again, all of them want to lose their ‘need’, which they
At the end of the 6 week, Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method, you will be completely relaxed and comfortable around alcohol & alcohol situations, and still be able to enjoy the occasional, social drink.
The Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method isn’t for you, if
- You want to continue to rely on the energy exhausting methods of willpower, motivation and control.
- If you are not ready to step into YOU.
- If you are not looking to invest in being your best you, then it is not right for you.
- If you are looking for a magic wand – this is not a ‘learn a few new strategies and you are done’ process. It is a way of living that asks you to take loving ownership of you and, to work commit to being that you.
The Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method is for you if you are,
- Ready for your life of freedom from the stress, anxiety and pain of your drinking.
- Ready for lifelong change.
- Ready to invest in being your best you, one time and for life.
- Ready to own how amazing you truly are and to care for you in the way only you can.
If now is YOUR time to own your freedom from your alcohol pain and to regain your peace, let’s talk. Before we do, and in case you missed it earlier, take a look at my recent Testimonials, and decide if you are ready to make the best investment of your life, and step back into the strength, comfort, love and support of YOU.
If your decision is “Yes, this is my time, I am ready to be free!”, I offer a complimentary Exploratory Call, to see if the Rapid Alcohol Recovery Method is right for you. This call alone will give you comfort and support.
If you would like to understand more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE). I wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.
During my drinking years, my first waking thought was a dull, painful, despairing “What’s wrong with me?”, a thought that created the unexpressed sob of sadness, lodged, frozen in my chest, cooling the warmth of my loving heart , and all because I had drunk too much the night before, as I did every ‘night before’.
Each day , without fail, I would look in the mirror, into my frightened of life eyes, and promise myself that I would not drink tonight.
In all my promised ‘not tonight’s’ I would be the sober, engaged, emotionally stable mother, partner, friend I longed to be, but couldn’t quite find. And I would mean those promises from the bottom of my wounded heart.
Today would be the day that everything changed, that I changed.
Today would be the first day of my in control drinking life – I never promised myself a ‘never drinking again’ life – let’s not get carried away here, the thought of that was terrifying. No, I would settle for a safely ‘not every night drinking’ life. My decision was made (again).
And I would feel a little better about myself. Just enough for me to face my day and one-in-a-million son, with a crushing hug of love and a smile of hope, if not quite the happiness we both deserved.
But unbelievably, every day as the hours slipped by, my thinking would shift and the old thoughts of alcohol would, seemingly out of nowhere, sneak back in and, as they settled, they grew, literally multiplying in size and intensity, as I attempted to calm them, to control them, to plead with them, to find ways of working my way around them. It was both exhausting.
I would be pleading with myself, to protect me from me. To protect my health, my wellness, my mothering, and what almost felt like my sanity, from the harsh noise in my head.
I would be begging me to stop, and for reasons I never understood (but do completely now), I couldn’t/wouldn’t, and ultimately didn’t listen, and again, as with almost every night for 28 years, I seemingly ignored every instinct for my wellbeing and the wellbeing of my son, and drank, in tears after the first few sips (scratch that, gulps).
The constant cry from my heart, during those sad, isolating times, where I was so far from who I knew myself to be somewhere deep inside was, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Why can’t I change?”
And the answer, the simple compassionate answer, that I now know to be absolutely true of myself, and true of you too, is that nothing was wrong with me (or you).
I wasn’t broken, or flawed, I wasn’t weak or a failure, I just didn’t know how to stop, and nor do you. Because if you did, by God you would.
I hope that your drinking life isn’t the same chaos as mine. But the fact that you are taking the time to read this, means that you drink in a way that concerns you, and that concern ultimately is about your inability to stop – maybe not completely, but to choose when you drink, rather than feel compelled to, and to be able to let go of your energy sapping alcohol thinking, feeling storm that overwhelms you to the point where you have to drink to end it. You just have to.
I understand you completely and I know why you can’t (just for now) make the changes you deserve.
You drink in the way you don’t like for ONE reason and ONE reason only.
To make yourself feel better – whatever feeling better is to you in the moment.
And here is where the problem truly lies, you drink with the INTENTION of making yourself feel better, which of course is in direct conflict with what you KNOW on every intellectual level possible, that feeling better will not be the result.
In fact you are completely aware that you will feel worse, and that knowledge makes absolutely no difference, as your INTENTION, your perceived need for alcohol as your method of ‘comfort’ is always so much more powerful.
So, what is your intention behind your evening glass of wine?
Maybe it’s to find a little peace, a bit of calm, some you time, some confidence, to feel less lonely.
Or maybe your evening glass of wine is a marker at the end of your working day, before you start on your most demanding ‘evening’ job of being a mother. The job you love most in the world, and gives the most to you, yet takes the most from you too, both physically (cooking evening meals, homework supervision, dog walker, extra curricular activities driver – wow, that’s exhausted me just writing it), as well as emotionally (confidante, comforter, worry remover) whatever you are needed to be when you are at your most depleted.
When you are tired, probably hungry and needing some quite time and a bit of comfort yourself.
And in the absence of acknowledging your own basic, simple to deliver, with a little pre-planning, tweaking and communication requiring needs, you ignore you and push forward and use wine to deliver the ‘comfort’ you truly need.
You treat yourself as though you are a machine and wine is the fuel of your engine. Wine ‘get’s you through’, ‘helps you relax’ and of course it doesn’t do either, but you have learnt to believe it does, and then you beat yourself up for trying to comfort yourself!!
Do you recognise you here? I definitely
You go to bed, ‘wined up’, probably have a poorer nights sleep, feel low the next day and promise yourself, ‘not tonight’.
You are back on the hamster wheel of your drinking, and you will stay there in discomfort and unhappiness, until you start to shift your awareness of you back to you, and acknowledge and care for you.
Ultimately you cannot change because you have lost sight of who you are, what you need and your deservedness and self-loving responsibility for delivering those simple needs. And, in your innocent awareness of what is going on, you focus on the alcohol being the problem that needs to be addressed, when it is your lack of understanding of you, lack of connection of you to your needs and self-care of you that is the issue.
Then, (and here’s the A word again), in the absence of any awareness of what you are lacking, your ‘need’ for alcohol, or your fear of life without it, will never go. It can’t. For now you feel that alcohol brings you ‘comfort’ and you cannot live uncomforted.
Effortless change starts with the intentional awareness of what you are looking for, in intention, when you pick up the glass for your first drink.
From that intentional awareness, you can start to gently question yourself and listen to your answers.
Take the few seconds that is all you need to ask yourself “What do you need from me right now darling?” then pause, breathe deeply and allow your answers to bubble up from your heart, from your soul. They always come when you allow them too, when you ask yourself with kindness and love. One thing I can absolutely promise you is that alcohol will not be one of them!
Allow yourself to receive your gratefully acknowledged, heartfelt answers of “I need some rest/quiet time, a hug, some fresh air, a kind word, nourishment” and you will notice with relief that you can deliver all of them to you. Even the hug and the kind word.
Everything starts with with how you are towards you.
In that simple asking of me, what I needed from me, and trusting myself to consistently easily deliver, my ‘need’ for the non-comforts, of alcohol no longer existed. It really was as simple and self-loving as that.
There is no effort to changing the way you drink, there is never any effort in loving yourself. You have simply forgotten how to.
Yes, it is very helpful and supportive to have some simple strategies to keep you safe as you re-connect with you, but they are part of who you are, nothing new to learn, just to re-connect with.
Change seems hard to you because you are putting all your energy on trying to PUSH open your door to peaceful freedom, when all it needs is a gentle PUSH, you just can’t see the sign.
If you are ready to re-connect with who you are, on the most joyful journey back to peace and freedom, let’s talk. I offer a COMPLIMENTARY 20 Minute Recovery Coaching Call, and that alone will offer you the start of the awareness you need to be peacefully free.
If you are ready to be peacefully free, with ease and confidence, contact me here.
The life you and your loves deserve it waiting for you it and it always will be, it is who you are and how you are designed to live.
Love & respect
If you would like to know more about how my unique Recovery Coaching works, take a look at my How I Work For You page.
And, finally, I promise, if you would like to know more about my journey into and safely out of addiction, here’s the link to my Internationally Acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me. x