What are TRIGGERS to you?
Not what do you DO when you are triggered, you know that;
- You Drink, Eat,
- Hide your true feelings,
- Take on too much,
- Allow people to speak/behave in a way that hurts you more.
- Keep silent when you should speak
- Agree to ‘stuff’ you KNOW doesn’t serve you.
But what do triggers mean to you? And how do you deal with them?
I’m going to make a guess here, and say that you have come to learn to be afraid of triggers because each time you are triggered, you shrink inside, feeling fearful, hurt, unprotected and lost….always
And on the basis of the above truths, triggers are very, very bad, and the people, places, situations that ‘cause’ them need to be avoided at all times.
Except you can’t avoid anything for ever, and even if you could, it doesn’t serve you too.
To make any true, long lasting change in any area of your LIFE, you must stop looking at what you DO, and start identifying what you are feeling before you do it.
Here’s where triggers play a hugely valuable part in change.
Your Triggers are the clearest sign of not what you need to avoid and fear, but where healing needs to take place.
A healing that can only be offered to you, by YOU.
Regardless of the trigger, the person, the place, the situation, without the emotional attachment to the trigger, the emotional need to heal, they are just people, places and situations that you make not like, but don’t have an overwhelming response to.
Triggers can be the sudden plummet of feeling, out of seemingly nowhere, when you hear a voice, a sentence, here a song, that breaks over you like a tidal wave bringing you to your knees, tearful and breathless.
Or the heightened anxiety when you think of an upcoming event, or the thought of seeing a particular person, going to a specific place, are all powerful indications of where you are truly hurt.
Triggers are the signs of deep wounds, that have been left untended and unresolved, leading you to act (drink, eat, avoid, hide, break of otherwise healthy, loving relationships, and take many more actions you take in the moment, and later regret, because of the feelings your triggers throw up in you).
The key to all change is AWARENESS, and the first step to healing the wounds around your triggers is to be aware of this truth.
When you are triggered, you don’t need to act, you need to heal.
And healing doesn’t have to mean digging down, back and going through the pain of your wounds again to clean them out and stitch them up.
Healing can come easily simply by recognising the times when you are triggered, pausing, and asking yourself memory has been thrown up that triggers you?
What are you remembering (thinking) now is what causes painful feelings, and it is the painful feelings that you act on, to resolve.
Again, you don’t need to dig down, you simply need to be aware, in the moment of how you are thinking and feeling and to then comfort your hurt, your painful feelings, with new thoughts, with kinder, understanding, forgiving and compassionate thoughts.
With the awareness that the past is gone and cannot touch you. It cannot influence your day unless you allow it to by bringing it back into NOW.
Healing comes from Forgiveness, Compassion, and LOVE, first and foremost from YOU to YOU
By forgiving what / who hurt you – not for their sake – but for YOURS….and always remember, forgiveness is a gift to YOU.
By being compassionate first to YOU, for your reactions, and then for the wounds that those who hurt you must have suffered. Hurt people, hurt people. Again, compassion is a gift to YOU.
By reassuring yourself with love, by comforting yourself, and telling yourself with the kind understanding and gentleness you lavish on your life loves,
“I am safe now, I can choose now, I can decide now, and I’m letting these thoughts go with love and compassion”
Without the feelings (the emotions) attached to any thought, to any memory, your trigger no longer exists….it is that simple.
Own that truth and your LIFE will change.
From my own struggles with alcohol, and LIFE, I know that I felt constantly triggered.
For years I couldn’t hear a baby cry without immediately thinking back to my son’s younger years, when I wasn’t the mother he deserved, and an unknown baby’s cry became his, and my heart would break all over again…..That was probably my biggest trigger, and once I understood the meaning behind this trigger, the pain and hurt behind it, I healed each wound, for his sake and for mine.
Through my sober years of growth, searching for answers and passion for change, I have come to realise that we have become so used to trying to understand, to rationalize, to make sense of LIFE as we move through it, particularly of our past that is forever gone.
And we have become so used to trying to predict our future, to protect us, to adding layers of intellectual learning to our emotional selves, where it makes sense, but doesn’t heal, that we have lost sight of the fact that no matter how complicated LIFE might seem, how damaging our past was, how uncertain our future is, we are not complicated in our design and that the design of YOU is always and forever to take you back out of Pain and back into Peace.
I know now that triggers are a golden opportunity to recognize your pain, to comfort and offer self-love to your deepest wounds…..and it is love that heals every part of us, and self-love is the greatest love of all.
Please re-read this post as many times as you need to, because once you have let it settle, (and it can only settle in a good place), you will no longer fear any trigger.
You will no longer fear how you will cope with any person, place or situation.
You will no longer feel compelled to act in a way that hurts you more (with the intention of offering yourself comfort – think out of control eating, drinking, over committing, people pleasing and all the rest)
You will no longer try to emotionally run and hide, instead you will give thanks to YOU for allowing yourself the wonderful gift of knowing more about who you are, and what you need.
And then, if you choose too, to heal your wounds, to comfort the hurts, to love yourself well, and to see that your triggers are a gift to you.
Always and forever, be very kind and gentle with YOU.
Sonia x
If you would like to know more about my unique LIFE Recovery coaching processes, please reach out (HERE), for a complimentary conversation. And know that no matter what your LIFE struggle is, or how long you have felt alone and fearful, despairing of change, there IS powerful light at the end of your tunnel, taking you to the LIFE you of peace, joy, happiness and love you deserve, and I know the way to take you there.
