Changing my drinking changed my LIFE, and that one sudden, seemingly miraculous, when I believed all hope was lost, profound, change has been the greatest source of true soul happiness, to both myself and my son.
But the truth is, changing my drinking was just the start of a journey that has transformed my LIFE.
It was the starting point of a magical path of self-discovery that finally took me It was the starting point of a magical path of self-discovery that finally took me out of the Pains of Fear, Stress, Exhaustion, and into the Peace that ONLY comes from being back at Home.
The only Home I had ever needed, the Home I had spent my life grieving over the loss of, without even knowing it, the Home that is ME.
This is the Home that is my heart centre, my centre of Connection, Peace, Balance and LOVE.
The Home where Acceptance, Forgiveness, Compassion and LOVE flourish unendingly, the place where I rest in Peace in this LIFE, regardless of the situations or circumstances such as loss, unkindness, personal injustice, the normal stuff we all go, though, comes my way.
I have found a new way of living, that is as old as time, that I didn’t even know it existed, yet is the truth of LIFE, and that was that I now recognize, and embrace, what I have learnt to call the ‘Gifts of Grace’.
To me, Grace is the ability to move through LIFE ‘smoothly’, in Flow.
Grace is having the quiet inner strength, the resilience to deal with LIFE without ‘toughness’, with no need to raise my voice, or to try to force anyone of any situation to fit into my world view.
Grace is honouring myself for who I am, and giving myself permission to forgive my mistakes and move on in LOVE and PEACE.
Grace offers Relief and Comfort and allows me to act with loving Self-Care.
And Grace has many elements to it. It is as multi-faceted gift as a beautiful diamond, and each element shines brightly on your soul, exactly when you need it most, offering support and Peace.
The Gifts of Grace that have changed my LIFE are of Acceptance, Forgiveness, Compassion and Love, first and foremost for myself, which naturally spills out into every area of my LIFE, and are showered on everyone who is precious to me.
These are the Gifts of Grace (among many others), through which I now see the world.
These are the Gifts of Grace that are my LIFE filters, and my decision makers.
These are the Gifts of Grace that I cherish, and that cherish me, and these have allowed me to make true Peace with my past and feel excitement for a future I cannot know.
I think the greatest Gifts of these Graces, is that they have allowed me to Let Go of all the things I had innocently learnt to believe about myself that hurt me, and held me back from making better choices, that stopped me finding the LOVE I deserve, from expressing my creativity, from living and breathing in my own, perfect for me, shape, and from living my one far too short, (no matter how many years I have), LIFE in the JOY that is my birth right.
I believe it is the same for you too.
You may not drink the way I did (I bloody hope you don’t, no-one should live the way I did, in pain every day, feeling lesser on every level), but the other pains I see clients struggling with, the Stress, Overwhelm, Anxiety and Fears all rob them of their Peace and Joy of LIFE, and they all come from the same place, the lack of connection with their Home space. It is the same for you too.
Living disconnected from who you truly are, the wonderous, miracle of you, is the greatest pain in LIFE.
To be lost and searching for something, anything, to make you feel better, often in the world of ‘stuff’, material stuff, clothes, cars, holidays, the big house, the big job, the success you think will make you ‘feel better’, can never create the Peace and Happiness you crave, because it isn’t found there.
And of course, the world of ‘stuff’ is wonderful. At times in my LIFE, I have been both financially desperate and privileged.
And of course being privileged brings a level of ease and comfort that I would be stupid to deny isn’t completely wonderful, but without the connection of myself I now have, it never, ever gave me what the Peace and Joy I treasure.
Stuff alone cannot bring JOY, maybe you know that in your own LIFE. Maybe you have a level of ease and comfort that others can only dream of, and still you feel empty.
That’s because Stuff does not, cannot, in any way truly compensate for the void within, the aching sense of something missing, that cannot be filled or dislodged, by any external experiences or factors, not even truly loving, supportive relationships, or the love of our children (external loves).
And on some level, you know that, because if ‘external love’ could change the way you felt and acted, my God it would.
The truth is, without the LOVE of you that comes only from YOU, without the Acceptance, Forgiveness and Compassion that comes from knowing you, supporting you and cherishing you, by YOU, you will often be bought to your emotional knees when LIFE hits you harder.
- Instead of making the BEST choices for YOU, you will often make poorer, sadder choices
- Instead of having HEALTHY, Loving Relationships, you will often accept behaviours that hurt you
- Instead of using your natural talents, listening to your SOUL and trusting the messages your INTUITION sends you, you will often not have the career, the health, the relationships of your dreams
- Instead of having healthy BOUNDARIES, that you express with confidence and ease, you will often try to do more than you can cope with
- Instead of living in your perfect-for-YOU emotional size and shape, you will often try to be different to who you truly are, to struggle to breathe and live in someone else’s shape, which can never fit you.
And you will always and forever feel the loss of your greatness, your wonder and the Joy and Peace of living the LIFE that you deserve.
Being back in your Home space is ALL that you need to change your LIFE.
Safe in that space of LOVE, everything is easier, everything flows naturally, you are no longer dashed against the cold, hard, unforgiving rocks of the Beliefs you hold about you and what you deserve, that hold you back, that hurt your heart, when you try to have more in LIFE.
Instead, from that place of LOVE, those Beliefs soften, they move, they dissolve, allowing you to take another step towards the LIFE you dream of and deserve.
This is my truth. It is your truth too.
Read this again if you have to. Let my words land and settle, they can only land in a good place. They can only bring your comfort and support.
If you are struggling with any area of LIFE, with what you Drink, Eat, Shop, or with Relationships, Health, Career of Money worried that keep you away at night, I can help you, you just need to reach out HERE.
And please, please remember, no matter where you are in Pain now, or how long you have felt trapped, freedom and Peace is within you all the time.
Your LIFE and the way you live it may well feel very complicated, but you are not complicated in design, and what works in one area of LIFE works in every area, you are simply not used to thinking that way, but it is the truth.
Finally, always, and forever, be kind and gentle with YOU.
PS. If you would like to know more more about my journey from 28 years of alcoholism, to peaceful freedom, take a look at my internationally acclaimed book, This Isn’t Me (click on the link HERE), reviewed by Ranvir Singh of Good Morning Britain as “Beautiful & devastating”, wrote it for my son, as an apology for his younger years, and as an attempt to explain the un-explainable.